I am the illegitimate daughter of an associate professor at the university, and for 32 years, the retribution is all on my aunt
In 2020, 8 months pregnant, I was recuperating at home. One day, Don went out to buy me yogurt, but when I called ** to find him, it was busy.
When he returned, I curiously asked him who he was talking to. He replied hesitantly that it was a friend. Through his expression, I immediately sensed that he was lying. I reminded him that I was so pregnant now that I was not worried.
Embarrassed, he said, "Don't worry, my dear. It was your aunt's colleague who said that she was suddenly in a coma and sent to the hospital. ”
When I heard the news, I immediately panicked and tears welled up in my eyes. I asked, "What's wrong with her?".I'm going to go right away!"We are in Xi'an, and the hospital where my aunt is hospitalized is a 40-minute drive from my home.
Along the way, tears flowed uncontrollably. My aunt is 9 years older than me, and we have experienced bits and pieces of growth together, both relatives and confidants.
Looking back, I feel that I have always owed her a debt to her.
I was born in Xi'an, but I grew up living with my grandmother in a small county.
The eldest in my family, in 1984, I was admitted to Xi'an University from our small eighteenth-tier county. At that time, he became the pride of the family, and after graduation, he was assigned to work in a public unit, sitting in the office, and having an enviable iron rice bowl.
My mother started school late and repeated her studies for a year after the college entrance examination, so she was 24 years old when she graduated. At that time, it was popular for the leaders in the unit to match young people. My mother is beautiful and highly educated, which has attracted many ** children with superior conditions. However, she was always not interested in them.
In the unit, everyone called my mother "Iceberg Beauty". However, surprisingly, in 1990, my colleagues suddenly found out that my mother was pregnant. About the father of the child, no one knows, my mother resolutely refuses to say it, and even the people in the family do not know.
So, in September, my mother gave birth to a girl, which was me. Without my father's presence, it was obviously my mom who was abandoned. Since then, the former "iceberg beauty" has become the object of ridicule by everyone.
As soon as I was born, my grandfather was going to give me away. However, my mom was adamantly against it. At that time, perhaps she had a glimmer of hope.
However, as the years went on, she gradually understood that some expectations could never be realized. Before I was two years old, my grandmother came to help take care of me. When I was two and a half years old, I was sent to kindergarten and lived in a long-term care facility, where I could only go home once a week.
My mom has always been single. The gossip in the unit, coupled with the heavy blow to her feelings, caused her to have mental problems. On May Day in 1994, the unit organized a recitation contest. My mom went on stage and read the poem she had written, but she was talking and crying. She threw things, threw microphones, and eventually jumped off, even injuring one of the leaders in the unit.
This incident forced my mother to a psychiatric hospital. Grandpa took me back to the small county town. When I was four years old, my memories have basically disappeared, except for my aunt, who combed her high ponytail and said to me sternly: "You listen well, you have to listen to me when you come." It's been two years since my mom was snatched away by you, do you know?It's annoying to look at you!I was so scared that I didn't dare to cry.
My aunt was born in 1981. At that time, as the family planning policy was gradually tightened, my grandmother also joined in the fun and gave birth to a baby.
When I first went to my grandmother's house, my aunt was in her first year of junior high school. She had a special opinion about me because when I was born, she was in elementary school. Since my grandmother has taken care of me in Xi'an for a long time, my aunt is naturally full of resentment.
My aunt is as smart as my mother and has excellent grades in Xi, but their personalities are very different. My mother is like a bend of soft water, and my aunt is like a fire, cheerful, generous, and has a clear distinction between love and hate.
In elementary school, my aunt was the captain of the brigade;In middle school, she took the position of secretary of the Youth League branch. She is very good at disciplining others. Uncle said that this is what grandpa is used to.
As she grew older, her aunt's living conditions became better and better, and her grandfather doted on her in every way. At home, the aunt's voice is unmatched. Her personal belongings are not touched by anyone.
I remember the second month I arrived at my grandmother's house, my aunt had already gone to school. I snuck into her room and grabbed crayons to doodle on her compositions.
After my aunt came home from school, she didn't say a word, but immediately locked the door of the room, held me down and beat me hard. Grandma was so angry that she blamed her, thinking that a broken text was too much?I can buy you another 10 copies.
But the aunt responded, I don't educate her, will she remember?Then she opened the door and said, "Come here, come in again." This scared me so much that I cried even harder.
My uncle's family has a son and a daughter. As we grew up, we agreed that Auntie was a nightmare for our juniors. At family gatherings, we would go crazy if my aunt wasn't there, but when my aunt showed up, everyone would immediately quiet down. Because my aunt hates children yelling the most.
Whenever my aunt can't control my cousin and cousin, as long as my aunt says a word and is disobedient, she will call my sister-in-law, and this trick always works.
By 1996, I was in elementary school. Soon after, the neighbor's children spread the news that my mother was mentally ill. The exclusion of children can sometimes be very direct and brutal. What started out as a mockery, then turned into a prank, and finally even a siege.
I remember that in the second half of the semester, on the way out of school, a few people chased after me and scolded. I happened to meet my aunt and her classmates. She walked straight over, went up and kicked the boy who was taking the lead, and then scolded and scolded the classmates who bullied me a lesson.
That year, she was only 15 years old, standing in the golden light of the setting sun, like Athena in a suit in "Saint Seiya".
On the way home, I asked her, "Aren't you annoying me?"Why are you still helping me?The aunt said arrogantly: "My children can only be bullied by me, and others dare to move, and I will make him regret it for the rest of his life." ”
Looking back, my impression of my aunt is that she is very cool and very individual.
I've lived in kindergarten for as long as I can remember. Because my mother is sick, she doesn't care enough for me. I didn't expect that the aunt who once hated me the most became my patron saint.
Gradually, I began to like to be bullied by her and willingly obey her orders. Because she gave me a sense of security that I had never felt before.
My aunt has always performed well, and the biggest benefit I have from her side is my academic progress.
In your childhood, it was a blessing to have someone who could restrain and guide you. Others may need small classes and hire a tutor, but I have an aunt who is enough. Whether it is general Xi or other subjects, none of them are her weaknesses.
Even if it was a standing long jump, she would patiently teach me the technique.
During the summer vacation, my uncle would send my cousins and cousins over and leave them in the care of my grandmother. The three of us were all obedient to my aunt.
Once, my grandfather came home and saw my aunt doing her homework in the living room, my cousin poured her a drink, my cousin fed her fruit, and I fanned her. Grandpa said with emotion: "Huo, my eldest lady is really big." The cousin said in a serious eunuch tone: "It's not the eldest lady, it's the emperor." Later, when my cousin became an adult, he also sighed that the one who could make him happy and sincere as a eunuch in this life was his aunt.
When my aunt was young, she always seemed to be very dragged and dared to fight.
I have hardly seen her sad, only once, she and her grandmother went to Xi'an, and when they came back, they were a little depressed and their eyes were swollen. It was probably around '98.
I asked her what was wrong, but she remained silent. It wasn't until after the college entrance examination that she told me that she was visiting my mother, which was quite an exciting experience for her.
That day, she told me that my aunt was about to go to college and couldn't accompany me every day. She stressed the need to take my mom as a warning. Although she didn't let me fall in love, when I was a student, I must avoid early love. She believes that when the mind is immature, it is easy to destroy herself.
I remember these words very well. When I was in my first year of junior high school, I was already 1.65 meters tall. My uncle said that I inherited my mother's beauty and height, which can be said to be out of the blue.
On the second day of school, a senior boy handed me a note. I handed it directly to the teacher and didn't look at it at all.
In 2003, my aunt successfully graduated from college and joined the bank as a teller. During the winter vacation of 2004, my aunt took me to Xi'an for a visit. One night, she asked me, "Would you like to go see your mother?"I replied, "I think, I've thought about it a long time ago." But grandma has not allowed me. ”
Over the years, my grandmother has been taking care of my mother. She would visit her regularly to check on her condition.
It is said that when I was a child, my grandmother took me to see my mother once. However, as soon as she saw me, my mother was reluctant to be hospitalized, and she was extremely emotional, shouting and beating people. When I got home, I was so scared that I had a serious illness and was hospitalized for a week.
I don't remember this very well, and my grandmother never took me to see my mother again.
When I saw my mom again, I didn't even dare to recognize her. As a result of prolonged medication, she became very fat and weighed more than 170 pounds. She looks bloated and old, not at all like the tall and beautiful woman in **.
I tried to hug her, but she looked at me in confusion and reached out and pushed me away. The aunt told her, "Take a good look, this is your daughter." However, my mother looked at me with a puzzled look and said, "Nonsense, my daughter is so tall." She gestured with her hand to the edge of the bed. I'm sad that she doesn't recognize me, her only daughter. In her memory, I still seem to be four or five years old.
The aunt said, "It's been so many years, and your daughter won't be long." I brushed my hair aside and showed her a red heart-shaped birthmark on the back of her neck. I cried and said, "Mom, do you remember, I'm your daughter, I've grown up." My mother was stunned for a moment, and suddenly became emotional, and the doctor came and pulled her away. I could only hold my aunt's arm and cry helplessly.
That night, my aunt invited me to KFC. But that was the first time I found the fragrant burger tasteless. My aunt said, "Don't be sad, I'm taking you there because your mother is much better now." She's probably too excited to see you today. I nodded silently, my heart filled with great sadness.
I asked, "Auntie, you brought me to see my mother to encourage me to study hard Xi." The aunt smiled and said, "It is worthy of my education, and I have a full score in reading comprehension." "Actually, I understand what my aunt meant. She hopes that when I grow up, I will be able to look at reality more clearly and understand that I will have more responsibilities in the future than others.
Over the years, I relied on my grandfather's pension and my uncle's pension for my living expenses and tuition fees. My aunt started working in her sophomore year to earn tuition for herself. To put it bluntly, she's saving me money. If it weren't for that, with my grandfather's conditions, my aunt wouldn't need to work so hard.
The aunt said: "Don't blame your mother, she is the most bitter person." Give yourself more skills. Someday, your mother will rely on you. I replied, "Don't worry, my mother gave birth to me." Auntie's eyes turned red.
That day was probably the slowest KFC I've ever eaten in my life. The sister in charge of cleaning looked at us from time to time, probably not understanding how these two people could eat a hamburger with tears in their eyes.
When I was in high school, I was successfully admitted to a key school in Xi'an. At that time, my sister-in-law had already taken out a loan to buy a house, so I moved directly to her house. I visit my mom every month and her condition is gradually getting better and she is calm most of the time. I tried to build a bond with her so that she could remember that her daughter had grown up.
In 2008, I was admitted to a university in Hangzhou, majoring in computer science. During the four years of college, a lot happened. In my sophomore year, my grandfather passed away. At the Chinese New Year party, my grandmother mentioned that the current house wanted to be left to me. At that time, my mother lived in a dormitory, which was later taken back. Although my household registration is listed in the original flat, we do not have a property in our name. The uncle said yes, although the aunt did not directly object, but asked: "Didn't you say who supports the elderly and who gets the house?"I jokingly responded to my grandmother, saying that I didn't need to worry, I could find a boyfriend who had a house.
In the evening, I sent a text message to my aunt, saying that my grandmother's words did not mean me, and that I was grateful for my aunt's nurturing grace and would not cross the line. My aunt replied with three words: "I know." I guess she's probably still angry.
After returning to Xi'an, my aunt told me not to blame my aunt, my grandmother has always been partial to my mother. She thinks that my aunt, as a daughter-in-law, is already very good at raising me with money and effort. I felt a little dissatisfied, saying that I would not be angry at what my aunt said, but I felt that my aunt was a little angry when she said this. She laughed and knocked on my head, saying that my wings were hard, not big or small.
Since then, my aunt and I seem to be more and more like sisters. In my senior year, my mother's mental condition fully met the discharge criteria, and my aunt decided to take her out. At that time, my mom was 48 years old. During the holidays, I happily rushed home to see her hand-rolled dough in the kitchen. When she heard me enter the door, she turned her head and said, "Get in the car and get off the dumplings, and my mother will make them right away." "It's no exaggeration to say that it was the first time in many years that I felt my mother's affection. I started crying, and she came over to comfort me, and quipped, "Oh, look at what kind of fuss this is, it's your nerves, or my nerves." "I think my mom should be really fine.
I could have chosen to stay in Hangzhou and work in a large factory with a high salary. However, I returned to Xi'an and worked as a programmer for an online game company. The reason is simple, I can't live without my mom. At this time, the aunt showed her ability, her career was thriving, and she was destined to succeed.
I wasn't that lucky. Due to an oversight, a game update was delayed for 24 hours, but luckily, I was not punished because someone was sheltering me, and he was our project director, Don Yitian. When I got home, I told my aunt that she smiled and said that the boss must like you. I didn't think so, but later found out that he was really interested in me. Unfortunately, due to some misunderstandings, we didn't develop into a romantic relationship. Tang went to Beijing one day to develop, and I couldn't leave Xi'an.
It was 2014 and I was 24 years old. My aunt found out that I had a serious problem, I don't fall in love, I don't have feelings for boys. I lacked trust in relationships, and my aunt regretted not letting me fall in love sooner. To be honest, I have no experience in love, no desire to fall in love, and lack a minimum of trust in boys. After Tang left Xi'an one day, we kept in touch, and he helped me analyze that my aunt's "early love intimidation" was only one aspect, and more importantly, my mother's experience made me lack trust in men.
I subconsciously believe that the giving of affection will bring fatal consequences, so I psychologically reject love. My aunt was also affected and talked about seven or eight boyfriends, none of which were successful. In 2015, with the help of my aunt, I bought a house in Xi'an, but my mother and I still live at my aunt's house. In the ordinary lives of three women, it seems that the presence of men is not needed.
Every morning, my mom would go to exercise. In October 2018, just after dawn, she ran halfway to death, suffered a cerebral hemorrhage, and was only 54 years old. Grandma acted stronger than I thought and lived peacefully after crying. My aunt said that grandma's generation has seen wind and waves, life and death are nothing, unlike us, we can't afford it, we can't let it go. I know why she couldn't get over it, because my mom remembered my dad at the end of her life.
My mom was hooked on an associate professor who was particularly good at writing poetry when she was in college. Years after learning that he was divorced, my mom and he started a romance. However, in reality, the poet professor has a wife and son in his hometown of rural Yunnan, and he has been hiding this marriage until it was revealed when my mother was 8 months pregnant. He claimed that the marriage was due to historical reasons and that he did not love that home, but he did not dare to leave because of his promotion to full professor. However, he tore up his passport on a visit to Germany and chose to stay there.
After my mother died, my aunt took a big leave of absence and went abroad alone. When she left, she told me that my mom had been her idol since she was a child, smart, beautiful, and talented. She hated my dad and thought that if it weren't for him, my mom would never have died so gloomily. I can only reply, please call him a jerk, please.
I know that my aunt is going to a strange place to adjust herself, and she doesn't like to let others see her weakness. In the days she left, Tang returned from Beijing one day. The pressure of working in our industry was too great, and he decided to open a noodle restaurant and retire half-time. He became my bosom friend and helped me with technical questions. Over the course of a year, I gradually developed feelings for him, perhaps because he was three years younger than my aunt, giving me a sense of belonging. He confessed to me, and I gave him a puzzle that wasn't too difficult.
I asked him to find that bastard, not to recognize him, but to scold him. The jerk he did had an impact on my mom, me, and my aunt, even though my aunt was obviously the most innocent. Although Tang Yitian retired, his presence on the Internet is still like a sweeping monk. He then finds the bastard's record and discovers that he had been granted a visa as a refugee, but was robbed by a real refugee in 2012 and stabbed several times, and ultimately did not survive.
After reading all this, my mood was a little more clear. Then, Don and I started a relationship one day. At the end of 2019, we got married. At the wedding, my grandmother was still deaf and clear in her seventies. As soon as she saw her aunt, she began to knock on the table and said look, your nieces are all married!You're still single. My aunt hid behind me with a smile on her face, saying that she knew that if you get married, your grandmother will not let me go. At this time, I stood next to my aunt, as if she were my sister.
In fact, she will always be my favorite aunt. The wedding speech was originally planned to be canceled, but my aunt said that she couldn't make them think that there was no one in my mother's house, so I played. Then as soon as my aunt opened her mouth, I cried. She said, "My dear little girl, you have really grown up and are going to get married." I will send you to marry for your mother, no matter when, remember that grandma and aunt will always be your home.
In 2020, I became pregnant.
During the eight months of raising the baby at home, I learned that my aunt was in a coma and sent to the hospital, which scared me away. I hurried to the hospital with my stomach straight.
When I arrived, my aunt was already awake and lying in bed eating apples. She was in a coma because of anemia, but she was embarrassed to say why. She suffered from constipation, hemorrhoids, and blood in her stool for a long time, but she never paid attention to it. These problems were intertwined with factors such as menstruation and overtime, which led to her coma.
I stood on the edge of the bed and scolded her, thinking that she didn't care about herself too much!If you scare me into a miscarriage, it will be a great sin!The aunt rolled her eyes and muttered that she had started to ramble before she became a mother.
The patient next to me asked my aunt, is this your sister?We happily replied yes together, and grandma smiled next to us and said that the two of us were neither big nor small.
At the beginning of 2021, I welcomed the birth of my baby.
The aunt was very happy and rushed to hold her grandson, more active than everyone else. The uncle teased her if she was transgender because she hated children in the past. But the aunt said, of course you can, this is my sister's little grandson, she didn't hug it, so she hugged it for her sister.
The uncle smiled and said to the aunt, look at you, you are all an aunt, and your mouth is still good.
The aunt squeezed her eyes at her grandmother and said, who let the aunt and the aunt spoil it.
Finally, let me conclude with these two verses:
Time flies, but love is eternal. Life has a long way to go, and I just hope to have love to walk together.
This was written when my mom was pregnant with me. Thirty-two years later, I hope that these words can be quietly transmitted to the world with beautiful visions. And I have a small but big wish, that my dearest aunt will also meet the right person. I'm already happy, and you must be happy too. I'm sure that's what Mom would like to see.