Psychologist Carl Jung said :
"For ordinary people, the most important lesson in life is to learn to accept yourself. ”If you don't, then the pain will follow.
is like ** in "Mr. ** Goes to the Psychiatrist", he was originally a rich boy and lived a life that many people envied, but because he was picked on by his strict father since he was a child, he was not happy.
Especially as an adult, he always wanted to run away from his father and prove himself to him, but the more he was like this, the worse his life became, and he became depressed.
Fortunately, with the help of the psychological counselor Heron, I slowly saw my own problems and learned to accept my true self, so as to get **.
**Experience tells us that in this world, only you can really ** you, no matter how hard others work, they can only help you draw a line and build a bridge.
Born into a precious family, his grandfather founded the old Abby Distillery, and as a three-generation single heirloen, ** was born with the mission of inheriting the distillery.
Such a background did not make ** happy, but made him afraid, and he knew very well from a young age that he did not want to work in that place.
*'s grandfather was a powerful man, and every time I visited my grandfather at the manor, I was frightened by the battles inside, especially when the regatta was held every year, the manor was full of guests, and even princes and princesses would come to the manor for a grand luncheon.
My father always wanted to be like my grandfather, but no matter how hard he tried, he never surpassed his father. And because of this, he is very strict and **.
In the impression of **, his father never said a word of affirmation of him, and all he felt in his father was endless negation.
Mother is a person who only looks at her father's eyes, and when her father is away, she will play with ** and treat ** gently. But as soon as the father appeared, the mother immediately became serious.
When I was a child, I always lived in confusion :
"I'll never understand what I did that caused her to change her attitude towards me so suddenly. ”Once, my mother was dressed up and singing to **, but my father suddenly came back, and my mother immediately stopped. At that time, that scene left a deep imprint on **'s heart, and until he went to see a psychological counselor, he still often felt inexplicable guilt and worry.
These experiences when I was a child made ** slowly become a person who did not dare to accept himself, no matter who he was with, he would Xi the habit of pleasing others.
However, suppressing one's feelings for a long time is to block one's emotional outlet, and after a long time, the problem comes, and after experiencing some setbacks, ** depression.
* The first time he went to the psychiatrist, he didn't believe that the psychiatrist could really cure him, he just didn't know how to refuse the kindness of the river rats, so he agreed to go.
He said to the counselor:
"I'm here, they asked me to come. They saw your name in the newspaper and said I need a consultation. Now I'm ready to listen to you. Whatever you do, whatever you think is best, I'll do it. I know they're all for my good. ”He thought that the heron would then deny him, like his father and the badger, while telling him all sorts of great things. However, the heron told him:
"We can only truly work together if you're consulting for yourself, not for the pleasure of your friends. ”At that moment, ** realized that he might be able to figure out a way out of the pain on his own. Since then, he has had a total of 10 psychological counseling sessions, and in the process of counseling, he has found the cause of his pain, learned about himself and his father, as well as the psychological model of the badger, and his own childhood trauma.
After many consultations, his depression got a good **, and he also regained his love for life, and determined the direction and goals of his future efforts.
*'s experience also reminds me of Ji Huanbo, the guest in "Goodbye Lover 3", like **, Ji Huanbo is a person with serious childhood trauma, abandoned by his parents since he was a child, and he must force himself to be excellent all the time in order to admit his existence.
When he first participated in the show, he was very resistant to many things, unwilling to talk about marriage issues, unwilling to talk about his own troubled experience, and even more secretive about the problems of his original family.
However, since the trauma already exists, it will not affect his behavior because of his avoidance, and when he can't control his emotions again and again, his wife Wang Shiqing becomes more and more unbearable with him, so she chooses to divorce.
Fortunately, in the contradictions again and again, he slowly realized that he really had a big problem, and finally found a happy face in the [36 Questions] link, facing his childhood trauma.
And when he finally showed his most vulnerable side and faced the impact of those traumas on him, he also received a good response and understanding from his partner, and their marriage was saved.
There is a saying in psychology that is called"Seeing is healing".
In many cases, trauma does not require any inscrutable psychological skills, as long as you can see the problem, acknowledge the problem, accept it, understand it, and healing is already happening.
In the middle of the consultation, Heron suddenly gave ** a dose of "fierce news", he said that ** had been playing a game called "Plom (poor and weak me)".
Heron said, the reason why he encounters something every time that makes him look stupid, gives the other party the upper hand, and makes him feel like he has changed back to the poor and weak self when he was a child, is not because he is unlucky, but because he has conspired with the other party in some way.
* When he first heard Heron say this, he was very angry, he was very aggrieved in his heart, he was always bullied by strong, self-righteous people like badgers, how could Heron say that it was the result of his conspiracy with those people?
However, Heron quickly used his profession to make ** accept this statement, saying:
"Some of the concepts that arise during the consultation process may at first glance sound silly, illogical and even frightening. But the more you can help you get deeper into your own concept, the more likely it is to trigger fierce resistance. ”Subsequently, he introduced the "parental self-state" to **, as well as the relevant knowledge of life coordinates and psychological games, and helped ** recognize the psychological patterns of himself and others, so as to find a way to accept himself and rekindle his enthusiasm for life.
Many people have a misunderstanding like ** before doing psychological counseling, thinking that as long as they pay the money, the next thing is the counselor's business.
In fact, the real effective counseling must be the result of the cooperation between the counselor and the client
This will only happen if the client is willing to open up, face their own problems and traumas, and be truly prepared to take responsibility for themselves.
After the end of the "Goodbye Lover" program, Ji Huanbo posted a long article explaining the misunderstanding caused by the show, in his words, I saw a man who finally dared to face his own problems and was willing to take responsibility for himself, I believe that he and Wang Shiqing's future married life will become happier and happier.
When you accept your own hurt, no one else can hurt you anymore!
So, Ji Huanbo is like this, and so are you and me.
The book "Mr. ** Goes to the Psychiatrist" is a book that I turn to every once in a while, and every time I read it, I will gain something new, whether it is for my counseling work, or for dealing with life and relationship problems, it is very useful.
The book involves a lot of positive psychology methods that are common in modern psychology, which is very helpful for individuals to overcome psychological problems and improve mental health, and is not only suitable for reading, but also for teenagers. There are full-text versions and comic versions, so friends who haven't read it can choose the version that suits them.
end——Author: Insistence, psychological listener, multi-platform author. Empower others by listening, and by writing yourself.