Ye Zhuang, a parenting psychologist trusted by millions of parents, recorded the process of cultivating children's independence and wrote a book "21 Tricks to Make Children Independent". One of the important tips is:Establish a sense of rules, lay the foundation for efficient parent-child interaction, and benefit children for life.
Here's a small example. When Ye Zhuang eats at home, no one plays with his mobile phone, so the child never takes cartoons to "eat".
Until one year when I went out to play during the holidays, when I was eating, the children of each family sat together, staring intently at popular cartoons such as "Peppa Pig" and "PAW Team Makes Great Contributions" on the tablet, and at the same time pouted crookedly, facing the next bite of food sent by their mother.
Seeing this scene, Ye Zhuang couldn't help but sigh in his heart. Sure enough, as soon as I got home after the holiday, my two-year-old son was clamoring to watch cartoons as soon as he was on the table.
If you want to get back to your child's old Xi, you have to do something to re-establish the rule of "can't watch cartoons while eating". The solution to setting rules for children is very straightforward, just three steps:Interpretation, Execution and Persistence.
Parents explained to their children the rules that had been agreed upon a long time ago, including "watching cartoons during meals will affect everyone's good meals", "you have time to watch cartoons, but not before and after meals", "if you insist on watching TV, we won't leave you food after dinner" and so on.
The ensuing process was accompanied by wails and tears. The child's refusal to eat at the dinner table, the restriction of snacks after missing a meal – these can turn on the switch for him to cry. But instead of being angry or sarcastic, the parent calmly and patiently explained to him again why he did this
Fortunately, after less than 48 hours, the child was back on track to "eat and not watch cartoons", and it continues to this day.
This is a typical rule-setting situation, which seems simple, but in fact there are a lot of challenges to deal with and a lot of details to deal with.
So what are some things that need to be set up for children?How do you establish rules that work best?Ye Zhuang shared three tips:
First, set rules that the real needs of children come first, and the needs of parents do not come first.
Many times parents set rules not for the sake of achieving their children, but for their own convenience. For example, make a deal - if you eat obediently, I will show you cartoons. to"Save some energy".It is irresponsible for children to set rules for the original intention, and the establishment of every parenting rule should respect the needs of children and conform to the basic premise of children's development laws.
Second, the establishment of rules requires the participation of parents and children.
A particularly good trick to getting a person to obey the law is to make him the one who legislates. This is similar to the homeroom teacher's occasional attempt to make a naughty child a member of the disciplinary committee.
Therefore, an important reason why children have the problem of "parents don't listen" is that the child did not participate in the formulation of the rules, and most of the rules you formulated are your own wishful thinking, so of course you can't escape the fate of "hot face and cold ass" in the child.
You don't buy toys for your child in the mall, so have you agreed with him before how to buy the toys he wants?If you don't want your child to watch TV, have you agreed with him on what you can and shouldn't watch TV?You hate that your child doesn't go to bed on time, but have you discussed with him what the prescribed actions should be done before going to bed?
The best rule is to emphasize the "rules of cooperation", i.e. I did what I had to do, you did what you had to do, and we all got what we wanted.
Third, give examples, don't be reasonable.
Parents painstakingly reason with their children and explain the rules in this way, which is simply the saddest "playing the piano to the cow" in the world. One of the basic skills that parents must learn when talking to their children is:"Dimensionality Reduction Expression".
There was a time when children liked to pick up food from the ground. Ye Zhuang's education to him at the beginning was a typical example of negative teaching materials, he would say, "You can't pick up something from the ground and eat it cleanly!"It's unhygienic!Not in the future!”
His wife, who is also a psychologist, couldn't help but joke: "Can you understand the specific meaning of cleanliness and hygiene when you are two years old?"”
The wife took the peanut kernels he had just picked up from the ground from her son's hand and said, "This thing was picked up from the ground!"Then she poked him in the stomach and continued to tell him, "It will hurt here after eating." Do you remember going to the hospital last week for an injection?The son nodded.
If you have a stomachache, you may be able to stay in the hospital for two days!Would you like to go to the hospital?The son immediately shook his head.
So don't eat anything you pick up from the ground, and remember to throw it away!Would you like to throw this peanut away?Then she handed the peanuts to the child, who naturally threw them away.
This incident made Ye Zhuang realize: Don't "drop the book bag" in front of the child, he doesn't understand, and tell him simply and directlyWhat is your behavior and what will happen if you do, then ask him for his views and opinions. Your child will draw his own conclusions about what to do or what not to do through the examples you give.
This is an important step towards independence.
*: "21 Tricks for Children to Learn to Be Independent".
Statement: In addition to the original content and special instructions, the text and ** of the push manuscript are all from the Internet and the major mainstream**. The copyright belongs to the original author. If you believe that the content is infringing, please contact us to remove it.