Internal audit paragraph——Jokes5, the story of the internal auditor, make you smile!
ID: Internal auditor's practice and actual combat
1. Auditors must be skeptical
The audit boss brought a young ** woman into his office, and Xiao Wang, a newcomer to the audit, happened to report to work, knocked on the door twice, and pushed the door in thinking that no one was there.
Unexpectedly, the audit boss and the woman were hugging and gnawing face to face, and after hearing the sound of the door opening, they hurriedly sorted out their clothes separately.
Seeing Xiao Wang staring at the woman's skirt with a suspicious face, the boss explained embarrassedly: "This is the accountant of the ** businessman, to explain to me the problem of material fraud and project payment, she was confused just now, I will help her blow it!."”
Seeing that Xiao Wang was still stunned there, a little at a loss, the auditor scolded the boss: "Boy!."Do you know what the first criterion for auditors is?”
What he wanted to remind Xiao Wang was "you must keep it secret", but unexpectedly, the auditor immediately replied loudly: "Auditors must be skeptical!."”
2. Auditing standards
The audit supervisor handed the Xi Xiaobai a printed system process manual: You have to learn the company system well, it is our audit standard!
Xiaobai: If I learn the system thoroughly, will I be able to do a good job in auditing?I heard that our company is a family business, and the infighting is very serious, should you pay attention to something?
Director: Hmm!Big things look at the boss's attitude, medium things look at high-level games, and small things look at interpersonal relationships.
After hearing this, Xiaobai immediately stood up, threw the system manual to the ground with a "snap", and shouted: Lao Tzu is no longer learning!These things are used for balls?
The supervisor said unhurriedly, "Of course it works!"If you don't learn, I guarantee you won't pass the Xi period!
Second, don't scold the auditor for being blind every day
Audited unit: You audit, don't check such a big problem, and pick these trivial things to investigate
Audit: Tell me, what's the big problem?
Audited unit: The vice president of recruitment and procurement goes in and out of the company with a beautiful woman in his arms, and drives a luxury car, why don't you go to check?
Audit: Then you write a report letter!
Auditee: Are you blind?Such an obvious thing, do you still need to report it?
Audit: You're blind!The vice president of recruitment is always a woman, and the beautiful woman she is holding is the boss's secretary!
Audited unit: Even if she is a woman, she is in a pair with the boss's secretary, she is obviously doing the basics, is the boss blind?
Audit: You're blind!I didn't see that their cars were all driven by the boss driver!
Fourth, it burned out
The site data clerk is a young girl who has just graduated, and she is describing the process of the construction site fire to the leadership and audit department with a black face.
Before the audit department was ready to inspect the engineering data, before they arrived at the place, the data room and the warehouse caught fire and burned down.
Auditor Q: What were you doing when it caught fire?
Girl: Wait for someone to save you!
Q: Why don't you call for help?
Girl: I'm got it on me too!
Q: Tell me what happened up front?
The girl slowly put down one of the hands covering her chest, and said shyly: "My front clothes are burned, you see, it's red and swollen!."”
A few men hurriedly said: What about the back?
The girl was furious: I let you see the front, and you still want to see the back?Rogues!
Fifth, what about the audit report?
The audit manager said to the new audit soldier: "You go to the boss's office to see if the audit report has been signed and approved, and how many documents are left on it?"By the way, rush the secretary!”
There are too many documents that the boss needs to sign and approve, and there is always a pile of documents waiting to be approved on the table, and every time I look at it, I have to see which height the report is at in a pile of documents.
According to the boss's Xi: the top is approved first, and the bottom is approved later!
When the audit soldier returned, he sat there with a red face and did not speak.
The audit manager asked him, "Did you urge the secretary?"”
Rushed!"And then?"The manager wants to know the results.
I was slapped in the face by her!”
AhhHow did you rush her?"The manager is curious, and the secretary is usually very gentle.
I said, you raise it up a little bit and let it show its head!And then I got a slap in the face!”
It's too much!If you don't say it, you don't say it, why do you still beat people?However, considering the importance of this audit report, the manager still patiently asked, "Is there anything else on the audit report?"”
Yes!"What?”
Secretary!"I'm talking about it!"The manager was a bit impatient!
The little employee replied, "The secretary is the boss!"”
Dear, pay more attention to **!