1 My best friend raised a teddy called Obedient. Just now, my girlfriend asked me to help give it an official name...
The landlord asked her: What other official name does the dog have???
Girlfriend: It's better to have an official name, and it's only exciting to scold. It's called obedient, I always feel that there is no momentum! For example, yesterday, when I came home from work, it came up and hugged my leg, and I yelled, 'Boy, don't make trouble'...It thought I was coquettish with it...Hug it even more!
2 I don't know where a tiny spider got into the dashboard of the car, and I was hesitant how to get it out.
Just after dinner in the evening, my four-year-old daughter looked at me with expectant eyes and said, "Dad, do you think I'm smart?" I've rescued the spider!
I was shocked, and when I got to the car, I saw that the dashboard had been knocked open by my daughter with a small hammer!
3 Just now I was lying down on the bed with my husband and was about to sleep, and my son came over to sleep with his father, pestering his father and saying, "Dad, I want to sleep with you, let's go to your house to sleep." His father was very reluctant and said: Why don't you let your mother go to sleep in that room, and let's sleep in the big bed? Son: No, I'm going to sleep on tatami with you. After a while, he came to my house again: Mom, I cheated him away, I still want to sleep with you, or let's sleep in a big bed, what a cheat, it's all full of routines!
4 Chatting with my parents today, my mother said: "Girl, there are many bad people outside, pay attention to safety." I said, "I know Mom, I will work out and bring anti-wolf spray with me." Dad suddenly interjected: "Why do you bring that thing, you just need to take off your makeup and make sure that no one dares to approach." ”
5"The nose always loves to bleed when the seasons change every year... Once, a customer came to buy something, and he was quite able to bargain. I was haggling for a nose that bleeds, and I pinched my nose with my hand and the bleeding didn't come out. The customer finally said that it was cheaper. I said, it's really the lowest price, no matter how cheap it is, it's going to be **, and before I can say it, the nosebleed flows into the mouth and a mouthful of blood spits out...Can you think of the man's eyes? Just give the money and leave! "
6 Mrs. Wang was pregnant with quadruplets and boasted to her neighbors everywhere, saying that it was not easy to conceive quadruplets, and it would take an average of 60,000 times for one case to occur. Mrs. Li was surprised: Do you still have time to do housework?
7. If there is no baby in the past, I will know that the child will make a mistake in the future, and I will know it with affection and reason! And now the situation is "little bunny, don't run!! Find me a stick! The daughter-in-law stood aside and said, "Here."
8 I once heard my parents chatting, and my father said, "Who will marry our daughter in the future..."The mother answered: "It's so pitiful, we should sympathize with our son-in-law?" Dad: "No, it should be that person has done too much evil in his previous life, and he is not worthy of sympathy." ”
9 When I was a child, whenever I was beaten by my mother, I suspected that I was not biological; When I was studying, whenever I didn't have enough pocket money, I wondered if I was my own child...Now, whenever I don't go back to accompany my mother during the holidays, my mother asks me if I am still her own child!
10 Teacher: Students, open the 87 pages of the language book, today we learn Xi charm of tolerance. Tolerance is a warm flame. Tolerance is a bright street lamp, and tolerance should be between teachers and students, and between students....XX classmate, why did you desert again, copy this text 5 times, and give it to me before school, and today I can't copy it well and multiply it by 2. Attention students, let's continue to learn Xi today's lesson, tolerance.
11 A group of men are drinking, and some people have a whim, and each of them sends a text message to his wife "I love you" to see the reactions of women of all ages: women in their 20s: I love you too; Woman in her thirties: Drink too much; Woman in her forties: You're not sick; Woman in her fifties: The wrong person; A woman in her sixties: Is it panicked to retire; The woman in her seventies didn't reply, and directly called ** to the child: Your dad may not be a few days away.
12 The thief was so frightened that he called the police.
That day, I was training on the edge of a village.
Suddenly, someone shouted robbery in the distance, and saw a thief speeding on a motorcycle on the small road.
At that time, the company commander said calmly, let him ride for two minutes first, whoever catches it, I will have a drink tonight.
That day, perhaps, was the pinnacle of a thief's life.
Perhaps, he has never been chased by so many people crazily.
That day, the thief was so frightened that he called the police!