Author |Flower House
**|Amaranth
There are not many couples who can love for a lifetime.
On the one hand, it is because many couples will choose to divorce once they get along for too long and the conflict is difficult to solve.
On the other hand, although many couples seem to have been together for a lifetime, they have long been separated from each other.
Similar situations are common with the former as the divorce rate increases.
The latter is also uncommon.
It's like they no longer care about each other, but just fulfill their responsibilities as husband and wifeOr they have already been involved by others, but they know each other tacitly.
We don't want such a marriage, but once we meet, many people can only be forced to accept it.
The opposite of these two models is a husband and wife who can love each other for a lifetime, respect each other, enjoy life together, and be the most reliable support for each other.
And such couples often have these "commonalities".
We value the particularity of "love".
Remember, in a good relationship, the husband and wife cannot be "relatives".
Many people are good at raising their partners to be loved ones.
Especially when you have been together for a long time, holding hands with each other is like holding hands with your left hand and holding your right hand, you will subconsciously regard each other as relatives and no longer pursue a sense of ritual.
Just like some people think that old husbands and wives shouldn't pull each other all the time when they go out, they shouldn't be greasy and crooked in front of others, and there is no need to spend every anniversary when they have children.
Many marriages go downhill, and it is precisely because of this concept that the love for each other gradually disappears.
There is a classic line in the popular Japanese drama "The Most Perfect Divorce":
between husband and wifeThe worst outcome is not divorce, but becoming a mask couple, living together without love and expectations for each other, which is the greatest misfortune.
Husbands and wives can never become relatives.
Relatives are often related by blood, and they are relationships that can be maintained without deliberate management, but it is clear that the relationship between husband and wife is full of change.
When you treat your other half as a relative, or use a "relative" relationship to excuse each other's cold relationship, you give each other an excuse to ignore each other.
If you want to make marriage full of love, you must understand the particularity of love, it needs to be managed, it needs to be irrigated, and it needs surprises.
There is a fragment in "The 30-Day Promise".
Couples have been married for many years, and their love for each other seems to dissipate, and when a man files for divorce, the woman asks for a final 30 days together.
In the past 30 days, they have visited the supermarket together, done housework together, hugged before going to bed, kissed before parting, and even made up for the ritual on ordinary anniversaries.
30 days later, the two fell in love again, and it was the "hypocrisy" they once thought saved the relationship.
Husbands and wives are always different, loving couples need to show their affection, when you want the love in the marriage to continue, then don't treat the other half as a relative.
Try to be coquettish, try to ask for hugs, try to hold hands and play around, so that your relationship will always be alive.
Establish "positive goals" together
No matter how much two people love, marriage needs a certain amount of security.
What is the security of marriage.
The superficial answer is "material", but if you dig deeper into the connotation hidden under the surface of "material", you will find that the security of marriage is a positive goal, and it must be a common goal.
We need something that makes each other happy and satisfying to prove the meaning of love, and we need something that will lead to good results to sustain our lives.
Only when life can be easily maintained, and each other can gain positive emotions, will the love in marriage not be consumed.
There's a similar story in Life to Get Rich.
A couple has entered middle age, and even if they have been with each other for so long, there are still countless conflicts between the two people, and they often make life a mess.
After the two unexpectedly won the lottery and received $250,000, the couple's relationship quickly warmed up.
It turned out that the two of them used to have a lot of foreign debts, and they still had a lot of balance after paying off the foreign debts, which could make their lives more nourishing.
There is no need to worry about making a living, men no longer accuse women of buying things indiscriminately, women no longer dislike men for making too little money, and when two people can enjoy life together, their attitudes towards each other are much better.
This movie exposes the root cause of many couples' bad livesIt's not that there are too many contradictions, but that there are too few haves.
But making something out of nothing is a process.
In this process, all each other needs to do is to establish positive goals so that the lives of two people can be more "fun", so as to reflect the value of love.
The goal at this time can be how much money to save every year, or to travel, or how many pounds to lose in a year.
On the way to becoming better with our partner, even if we are changing ourselves, we will magnify the value and role of the other party because we have someone to accompany us.
Most love is consumed in the moment when it cannot be changed and is exhausting, and the only way to maintain love is to try to change your life and move forward with the other person.
Douban score 9In the 2-point documentary "Ordinary Fruits", the love life of an ordinary couple is recorded.
Even though they have silver hair, the cuteness never disappears.
Husbands like to capture every side of their wives with their cameras, and the two of them will look at each other affectionately after a busy day, and will establish goals in life as the seasons change.
The wife's mantra is: "I want to make him happy", and the husband directly proves with his actions that he wants to take care of his wife for the rest of his life.
When interviewed by reporters, the man seriously told reporters: "She (my wife) is the best girlfriend for me. ”
They didn't treat each other as just relatives, nor did they forget that living a good life requires each other to work together, and their married life tells us that love can always exist.
The premise is to learn to love, to ask for love, to learn to work hard, to get more.
end—Today's topic: After getting married, will you treat your partner as a relative?
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