Don't want to get married = fear of marriage?
Behind the avoidance of marriage topics by contemporary young people, is it the awakening of independent consciousness or the disappointment of married life?
ReadCarl M., professor emeritus of American social psychologyWallströmCo-authored with two other authorsIntimacy: From Marriage to Family (5th ed.).to start a successful marriage.
Before the substantial benefits of marriage, let's look at a study based on the U.S. – ".Why do people get married”。The results of the study are broadly divided into two categories:
1. Marry for the right reasons.
Get a long-lasting, secure relationship.
Avoid loneliness. Want to have children.
2. Marry for the wrong reason.
Attracted by the other party's physical appearance and economic power.
Pressure from the outside world.
Escapism, rebellion, circulation, or salvation from reality.
Obtain legal immigration status by marrying a native.
In the case of a marriage brought about by the above-mentioned grounds, the grounds for marriage are the main substantial benefits to the parties to the marriage.
StillMarriages that start on the wrong grounds will obviously not last, just like men and women who come together because of each other's outstanding appearance, the marriage relationship will also face collapse as they age.
What does a happy marriage look like?
After conducting a long and large-scale investigation and research, the researchers concluded:Here are a few elements that sustain a happy marriage
1.Husbands and wives have similar backgrounds.
2.Husbands and wives share common characteristics.
3.Both husband and wife are of good socioeconomic status.
4.Husbands and wives contribute fairly and equally to household chores and child-rearing.
In addition, in order to obtain a high-quality happy marriage on the basis of maintaining a marriage, it is necessary to be clearly aware of it: ".Marriage is a journey, not a destination, and the journey itself should be rewarding.
There is a reward for giving, and the reward from marriage always reminds us:
1.Make a long-lasting commitment to your partner.
2.Accept your partner as he or she is and be caring.
3.Allowing the marriage to be resilient means giving the partner room to improve themselves.
4.Revisit your engagement and vows from time to time, such as celebrating your wedding anniversary together.
Marriage can end happily, does it mean that being single is not advisable?
After listing all the types of singles and deciphering the relevant concepts, the conversation shifts to a discussion of a problem."Is being single a lifestyle or a stage of life
Just like the toy telescope you played with when you were a child, looking at "singleness" from different perspectives, you will get different results for "one lifestyle" and "one stage of life".
People stay single because it's better to have no partner than to have a partner who doesn't suit them, such as having a partner who has abuse problems, parasitic problems, ......Being single means that you are only responsible for yourself and are free to be influenced by the wishes of your spouse or partner.So it seems,Being single is a lifestyle that single people chooseHowever, the author also mentions: "Being single can be a stage of life, a process of transitioning to the next stage of life, in which you trade freedom and autonomy for intimacy with your partner and companionship with your partner." "Dear readers, whether you are single or married right now, you have to remember:You have the right to continue to grow in any state, all you have to do is to maintain the motivation to Xi and make yourself grow and become better and better.
When we are single, we can keep our heads in the dark and save enough "capital" for love and marriage;
After getting married, we need to forge ahead and lay a solid "foundation" for a happy marriage.
These are some of my takeaways from reading Intimate Relationships: From Marriage to Family (5th Edition), thank you for reading!