Before I was two years old, my life was so peaceful and beautiful.
My husband Tang Jun was my classmate in college, and our relationship went smoothly from first love to marriage.
Tang Jun is a civil servant, and I am a preschool teacher. With the support of our parents, we have lived a privileged life in Chengde, a fourth-tier city, and have our own car and house.
Then, the birth of Yaya made our small family more complete and realized the well-off dream of Tang Jun and me.
As time passed, Yaya grew up and brought endless happiness to our family.
There is a good saying that when you have a daughter, everything will be over, which seems to be the portrayal of me and Tang Jun.
When Yaya was two and a half years old, she suddenly caught a cold, thinking it was just an ordinary virus, but she didn't expect that she began to have convulsions the next night and was finally diagnosed with viral encephalitis.
As the situation progressed to worsen, the doctor told us to prepare for the worst: the central nervous system was damaged, Yaya could be dependent on liquid food for life, unable to walk, and mental stagnation at the level of a one-year-old child......
In the blink of an eye, the lively and lovely daughter disappeared, and was replaced by a girl who couldn't take care of herself and had a dull expression, which made us feel deeply distressed and shocked.
The blow was hard to swallow, and it is still painful to recall, as if you were stuck in a nightmare that you never woke up.
However, this is not a dream, but a reality that we will face for the rest of our lives.
Tang Jun and I couldn't believe that the once healthy and cheerful Yaya had turned into a mentally retarded child so quickly.
We have visited almost all specialized hospitals across the country, but the conclusion is the same.
In the end, we decided to return to Chengde and receive professional training.
On the train back to Chengde from Guangzhou, Tang Jun hugged Yaya tightly and said to me with red eyes: "We can't give up, let's give ourselves a small goal first, as long as Yaya can eat normally and be able to walk, it is enough." My daughter, I will always be with her. ”
This quote gave me direction and motivation in times of despair.
Looking at Tang Jun and Yaya, I found strong psychological support for myself: "Take 10,000 steps back and say, even if the girl needs us to take care of her for the rest of her life, we are willing." ”
Since that day, Yaya has been receiving ** at ** center every day.
Even simple movements of turning over and sitting up are a difficult task for Yaya, a child with high muscle tension in the limbs and contractures and deformation of the ankle joint.
Seeing the child crying in pain under the massage and guidance of the doctor, Tang Jun and I couldn't help but shed tears.
However, the doctor told us that we had to be ruthless, otherwise there would be little hope.
Since Tang Jun and I both need to go to work, sometimes we have to ask my parents-in-law in the same city to help take Yaya to **.
However, after a day of taking it, my in-laws had a spike in blood pressure and tried to persuade us: "Let's face it, let's have another one." No matter how much money Yaya's illness spent, it didn't necessarily make any difference. ”
In desperation, I had to ask for leave to accompany Yaya to the ** center in person.
At the beginning, the unit also expressed its understanding, but as time went on, both parents, principals, and colleagues raised objections to this.
In desperation, I had to ask my parents to come to help.
But my dad was already in poor health, and he was very anxious when he saw Yaya's real situation, and two months later, my dad was admitted to the hospital with a cerebral hemorrhage.
Fortunately, it was received in time**, and after the operation** the condition was not bad.
But I didn't dare to let my parents stay and help, so I could only send them back to my hometown to recuperate in tears.
It was a chaotic time.
With children on one side and parents on the other, I wanted to take care of everyone, but in the end, I didn't care about anyone.
The doctor advised us, "In the case of Yaya, you have to have someone to take care of you full-time. This can not only give her appropriate assistance, but more importantly, it is essential for her intellectual and cognitive development. ”
After much deliberation, Tang Jun decided to let me work full-time.
Although he would be left alone with the responsibility of providing for the family, he firmly said: "My job is relatively stable and I have enough time. After work, I can also go to takeout and drive Didi to make some money. If it doesn't work, let's sell cars and houses, ......”
In the most difficult moments, Tang Jun's persistence became my most reliable pillar and gave me the courage to move forward.
Sometimes, when I hold Yaya, I silently tell her in my heart, "You know what, daughter?".In this world, the person who loves you the most is your father. ”
So, I resolutely quit my job and began to live an inseparable life with Yaya.
Tang Jun works during the day, drives Didi at night, and delivers food on weekends.
It's really hard to live like this.
Every day, as soon as the girl arrived at the door of the ** room, she began to cry non-stop.
During the ** training, the crying continued.
I was always by her side, crying with her, while resolutely cooperating with the doctor to let her complete the daily ** task.
Tang Jun, on the other hand, has been working non-stop all year round, usually not returning home until one o'clock in the morning, and sometimes so tired that he can fall asleep on the washbasin while brushing his teeth.
A year and three months have passed since this difficult life.
However, Yaya's condition has not improved, she is still unable to walk, chew and swallow food, and still cannot take care of herself, only her mother is the only person she recognizes......
It seems that more than a year of ** training has had almost no effect on her.
One night, Tang Jun went home earlier than usual, about nine o'clock.
When he got home, I was telling Yaya a story.
Tang Jun sat beside us, stroked Yaya's hair, and sighed: "People often say that curly-haired children are blessed, but where is our Yaya's blessing?"”
And Yaya, as usual, lost control of her mouth muscles and drooled.
As I stood up to get the tissues, I suddenly heard the sound of something breaking.
Looking back, Tang Jun smashed the TV with a thermos cup.
Yaya was so frightened that she cried, and Tang Jun was also crying.
I later learned that he accidentally rear-ended a car that day due to fatigue driving.
Although the passengers in the car were not injured, the other party insisted that the cervical spine was uncomfortable, insisted on going to the hospital, and called the police.
Tang Jun said good things as much as he could, and even showed the other party Yaya's ** and begged the other party to spare him.
However, the other party cursed that he was **....
That night, after trying our best to put the girl to sleep, Tang Jun and I finally had the opportunity to lie down together and chat quietly for a while.
Without turning on the lights in the bedroom, Tang Jun said lightly in the dark: "Honey, let's have another child." ”
Considering that we have to pay more than 8000 per month, we still have the money to raise a second child
Yaya may need lifelong parental care, how can we have the heart to take care of our second child?
More importantly, if there is a second child, the newborn child in the future will inevitably have to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of Yaya, is it fair to him or her?
So, no matter how you look at it, it's not a wise choice.
After listening to my words, Tang Jun cried: "Honey, can't you really see it?".Yaya's life may be like this. It's been more than a year, and we've spent more than 100,000 yuan, but she can't even turn over. Have you ever considered that Yaya may never be able to **. If this continues, I may not be able to bear it. We've done our best to ......”
At that moment, both of us hugged our heads and cried.
Once, he was my pillar and the ** of all my courage.
But now, too, he's feeling hopeless. What should I do?
That night, Tang Jun fell asleep in exhaustion and despair.
I lay beside Yaya, and my heart swelled with pains and sadness.
Once, in the past days, Yaya thrived in the firm faith and full love of her parents. However, now I realize that once Tang Jun retreats in his heart, it will be like blowing a horn and being irretrievable.
I know very well what he said, "We did our best......"It's actually the beginning of the abandonment of all this.
At that moment, I felt sorry for Yaya like never before, hugged her tightly in my arms, and silently said to her: Even if the whole world gives up, my mother will always be by your side.
From that day on, everything changed.
Tang Jun initially used the excuse that he needed to see a psychiatrist, and no longer used his spare time to earn extra money.
In the past, no matter how late he came home, he would visit Yaya as soon as possible.
However, now, when he sees me at home accompanying Yaya for daytime training, he always looks on coldly and even pours cold water.
Once, when we were having dinner together, the maid suddenly smelled.
Tang Jun suddenly broke out, and without waiting for my reaction, he took the girl out stiffly, then closed the door and roared loudly: "When is this kind of day a head?"”
Then, he dropped the cutlery in front of him.
That day, I went home with the crying girl in my arms, bathed her, changed her clothes, and then told her a story for a while.
When she fell asleep, I calmly tidied up the floor, and then filed for divorce from Tang Jun.
Yaya has already been hit hard by her illness, and I don't want her to be hurt by her family again.
After hearing my decision, Tang Jun cried.
He said, "My dear, do you know how I love Yaya?"She is my flesh and blood, how can I not feel distressed?But I really can't hold it anymore. Did you know?In the unit, I am most afraid of my colleagues talking about what school my children go to and what specialties they are learningThey are no different from me, why are their children healthy and safe, while our maids are not normal?It's been a year and a half, and I haven't had a day off, whenever I have the opportunity to earn money, but she won't even call me 'Daddy'......I'm not afraid of being tired, but I'm afraid of losing hope. ”
I listened quietly, and I knew very well in my heart that he was saying all this just to make myself feel less guilty.
A month after the divorce formalities were completed, Tang Jun and I officially parted ways.
He generously left the house to me and promised to provide Yaya with 2,000 yuan a month in child support.
Objectively speaking, he did his best.
However, with the divorce, he also faced great social and moral pressures.
Half a year later, he chose to resign and go south, and has not been heard from since.
The promised monthly maintenance of 2,000 yuan was only paid for half a year, and it was not paid again.
Knowing his character, I know that he will not default on his promise to his own daughter for no reason, unless he is really in extreme trouble.
Therefore, I also did not try to contact him to ask for the money owed.
Since then, I have officially ushered in a life of dependence on Yaya.
Yaya's ** road is long and tortuous.
I understand that this road cannot be pursued without the economy.
With the help of the director of the ** center, I began to do escort work.
Every day, when Yaya receives *** in the center, I accompany the patient in the nearby tertiary hospital.
Over the years, in order to find the right solution, I have become familiar with every corner of this hospital, and even the doctors in many departments know me.
Come to think of it, this is also a way for me to make a living.
Every day, after I sent Yaya to the ** center, I started the day's work.
Yaya's **doctor** will record my daily **lessons** for me so that I can better understand her ** process. When I get home, I will continue to practice with Yaya Xi
Day in and day out, I travel between my home, the hospital, and the ** center.
The income of the escort is not stable, but Yaya's monthly ** fee is a fixed expense.
In order not to delay Yaya's **, I found a job in a fast-food restaurant with an hourly worker near the hospital.
Whenever I have free time, I help out in the back kitchen of a fast food restaurant.
The owner is the aunt of Yaya's patient, and she took good care of me after learning about my condition.
Among the patients who need to be accompanied from all over the country, I can understand their plight because I have patients in my own family.
These people later recommended a lot of opportunities for me to accompany me, and even some people ran to the ** center behind my back to stuff Yaya with money and left silently after learning about Yaya's situation.
In my hardest days, I felt the greatest kindness in this world.
When Yaya was four and a half years old, she began to be able to get to her knees.
I remember when the doctor sent me a ** that Yaya can bend her knees on, I was accompanying a patient for a CT scan.
I was outside the CT room of the hospital, looking at **, I couldn't help but cry like rain, and knelt in the same posture as Yaya.
After the patient came out to see this scene, he urged me: "What are you waiting for?".I'm fine here, I'm done. You hurry up and hug your daughter, she can definitely feel how happy and proud you are for her. ”
Such pride, Yaya gave me a lot later.
At the age of four years and eight months, she began to be able to stand.
At the age of four years and nine months, she called out "Mommy" for the first time since she got sick. Although her voice was still a little muffled, from that day on, she would scream many times a day, whether it was happiness or pain.
At the age of five, she took her first steps after falling ill, shattering doctors' predictions that she might not walk for the rest of her life.
At the age of six years and seven months, she was able to hold on to the stairs up about four steps.
Although the right foot varus problem is still severe, doctors say it will hopefully be corrected over time.
At the age of seven and a half, after hundreds of millions of swallowing response training, Yaya was finally able to eat half an egg ......Since then, she has gradually been able to enjoy a normal diet.
During this time, the epidemic struck suddenly, and my escort work was equivalent to losing my job.
However, Yaya's ** could not be interrupted, so I had to sell the house and move into a 30-square-meter rental house near the hospital with Yaya.
In September 2022, Yaya entered the ICU again due to a cold.
For children like her, what they are most afraid of is viral infection.
At that time, everyone thought that it would be difficult for Yaya to get through this hurdle, and the doctor reminded me to be mentally prepared.
She was in the ICU for 7 days while I sat in the hospital compound for 7 days.
After years of tacit understanding, Yaya and I have already had a spiritual resonance.
Whenever there is something wrong with her body, I can detect it in advance.
Some of the great progress she has made, such as being able to stand and take steps, I have foreseen in my dreams.
Therefore, for those seven days, although I was worried and scared, I knew that Yaya would not leave me like this.
It was also during those seven days that I understood that I was Yaya's all-weather guardian.
And she, too, is mine.
Even though I will achieve nothing in my life, in the matter of being a mother, Yaya has given me the opportunity to experience the miracle of love.
That time, Yaya successfully survived the crisis.
Moreover, after she got through that level, her body seemed to be stronger than before.
The record of being able to walk 100 meters without falling was achieved after her.
As the epidemic gradually came under control, my escort work and fast food restaurant work resumed, and the lives of my mother and daughter were guaranteed to a certain extent.
When you work towards something, the whole world has your back.
Life has been really hard these years.
However, after surviving the epidemic and changing Yaya's declaration that "I can't walk in this life, I can only eat liquid food", my heart has become more resilient and strong.
Many people think that Yaya is undoubtedly a burden.
However, she taught me through her daily efforts that life in the struggle for life is not incomplete.
In the past, I envied other people's children, who could go to school, have friends, and look forward to the future.
But now, I am proud of my maid, she is able to walk, she can eat by herself, she constantly challenges the limits of her ability, and in this regard, her perseverance and achievements are not inferior to those who are admitted to Tsinghua University and Peking University.
At the same time, she gave me the deepest companionship that no other child in the world could give, and made me see the tenacity and greatness of life.
In this kind of thinking, I began to feel that life is lovely, that everything is possible, and that there is nothing to be discouraged about.
As the saying goes, this broken life, if you don't give yourself a chance, you don't know how strong you are.
However, what I didn't expect was that after five years of missing contact, Tang Jun would suddenly break into my life and Yaya's life.
What's even more unexpected is that in just a few days of getting along, Yaya actually has such a deep trust and dependence on him.
Yes, the story is not over yet.
And the next plot may be very different from everyone's imagination.
Ending: Yaya's mother is very busy, and her narration is intermittent.
Her only free time each day is at night after Yaya falls asleep.
Sometimes, in the course of narration, her voice fades away.
I knew she must be too tired to take it anymore.
Her life was too hard.
I couldn't bear to push her, as a mother of a child with encephalitis, she had no days off in her life.
Such an intensity of life is unimaginable to ordinary people.
Therefore, please forgive her to narrate slowly, and I will write this story as soon as possible.