You re quite right, but the way you express it makes me uncomfortable

I've seen a lot of smart people who are very thoughtful and logical. When they speak, you will find that their words are very insightful, even deep and unique, and you will often be secretly admired. But when they talk about you, you feel uncomfortable.

You will feel that what he said seems to be right and reasonable, and you can't refute it, but you just don't want to accept it, and you feel very uncomfortable. You can always meet such a type of person in life, no matter how they hide it or how kind their faces are, you can smell the smell of gunpowder on them. Even if you are discussing the problem very objectively, you can feel an inexplicable emotion in them.

In our relationships with strangers, friends, colleagues, lovers, relatives, etc., if we want to have a dialogue with them, we must first establish a connection, so that we can have a good communication with them. And to make a connection, you must have an attitude of equality and respect.

First, awareness. You can observe your impulse to communicate and ask yourself: What do I want at this moment?Do I want to prove myself at the moment, or do I want to convince him more?Do you want to get to know him more, or do you want to have a harmonious relationship?Being aware of different motivations can make you respond differently to communication.

Second, listen. This seems to be the simplest word, and every psychologist will force listening training at the beginning of learning, but then gradually forget the word. This is definitely not a term reserved for psychologists, it belongs to everyone in every relationship.

Third, respect. Respect is not engaging in personal heroism, acknowledging that the other person is as good as me. Respect is to let go of the attachment to "I am right" and "I am the only one", to allow the other person to be different from oneself, and even to learn from the other party what is desirable. Respect is also about letting go of arrogance, believing that we are all equal in the face of personality and feelings. And, I'm willing to be humble to make you feel comfortable.

Fourth, curiosity. In a way that you are very happy, you can be curious about what is happening in everyone's world. Put aside your own opinions and the truths you support, and wonder the person on the other side, why he is doing this, what happened?Not analysis, just curiosity. Like a child looking at the world, everything is full of freshness for him, and when the freshness wears off, a sense of awe wells up in his heart.

What is conveyed by the mindset is non-verbal communication. The establishment of emotional connections is also done by non-verbal communication. Only when the non-verbal connection is done well can the verbal communication function be realized. At this time, it is not so difficult to convince the other party. In short, connect first, communicate later.