Have you ever had the experience of educating your child with guilt-laden words when you do something that makes you unhappy?"You do this, it makes me very sad, don't you love me?"If you don't obey, I don't want you" and so on.
You may think that such words can make your child realize his mistakes and feel your love, so that he can correct his behavior. However, did you know that this kind of education is actually a kind of guilt education, which can cause serious psychological and emotional damage to children?
Guilt education is a way to use children's guilt to achieve educational goals. It is characterized by parents who will threaten, intimidate, blame, complain or cry with their own sacrifices, sufferings, expectations, feelings, etc., so that children feel that they are unfilial, ungrateful, unqualified, and unworthy of love, thus generating a strong sense of guilt, thinking that they are sinners, and should obey the wishes of their parents, assume the responsibilities of their parents, and meet the needs of their parents.
What impact will this kind of education have on children?First of all, the child loses himself and becomes unassertive, self-confident, and self-esteem. They will think that their worth depends on the evaluation of their parents, that their feelings are not important, that their ideas are incorrect, and that their choices are not reasonable.
They will give up their interests, hobbies, and dreams to meet their parents' expectations and do what they think is right, even if they feel miserable, depressed, and bored. They will feel dissatisfied with their abilities, appearance, personality, etc., and even self-denial, self-loathing, and self-harm.
Secondly, the child loses joy and becomes uninteresting, humorless, and uncreative. Will think that happiness is a luxury, a sin, a sign of irresponsibility. They will spend their time and energy on study, work, housework, etc., while neglecting their physical and mental health, and neglecting their entertainment, leisure, socialization, etc.
Life will feel boring, uninteresting, and meaningless, and feel lost, fearful, and hopeless about the future. They will lack imagination, creativity, innovation because they are afraid to try new things, they are afraid to make mistakes, they are afraid to lose the love of their parents.
Eventually, the child loses love and becomes devoid of intimacy, trust, and empathy. will think that love is a burden, a condition, a transaction. They will feel fear, resentment, and alienation from their parents instead of gratitude, respect, closeness. They will feel lonely, empty, and helpless about themselves, rather than self-love, self-reliance, and self-improvement.
Will feel wary, cold, and hostile to others, rather than trusting, friendly, and cooperative. They will lack the capacity to love because they don't know how to give and receive true love, they only know how to hold relationships together with guilt and responsibility.
Guilt-based education makes children dare not be happy and will not love. This kind of education is a kind of violence against children and a kind of irresponsibility to children. As parents, we should reflect on whether our education methods really meet the needs of children's growth and whether they are really conducive to children's psychological and emotional development.
We should let go of our selfishness, inferiority, self-pity, our expectations, requirements, control, and our guilt, fear, and anger, and truly understand, respect, and support our children, and truly love our children, so that our children can feel a free, safe, and happy atmosphere, and let our children become independent, confident, and loving people.