Author: Psychological and Emotional Anxiety Relief Workshop, Emotional Counselor.
It is not difficult to completely solve the emotional problems between men and women, and it only needs to do one thing that psychologist Adler said.
The psychologist Adler once said, "If we want to solve the problems that exist between two people, everyone must care more about their spouse than about themselves." This principle is the most important prerequisite for our success in love and marriage. ”
What does that mean?The emotional problem between men and women is essentially a problem of cooperation. For example, one party feels that they are giving too much and the other is giving too little. For example, one party thinks that he has been wronged, and the other party does not care about him.
You work outside the home, I take care of the children at home and deal with family chores, you and I both work outside, in terms of running the family, we have a clear division of labor and try our best to run the family well, this is the best relationship between husband and wife.
Unfortunately, many people can't do this, because the best husband and wife relationship is also the most difficult to achieve, because human nature is selfish, because people can't understand the hard work and tiredness of another person. List of high-quality authors
A female friend consulted me and she said that she did not have a good relationship with her mother-in-law, and she felt that her mother-in-law was always targeting her. After learning about the specific situation, I found a problem: she didn't say anything about her husband's problem from beginning to end.
I asked her, "Why is there a conflict between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?"”
She said there must be someone who was selfish, just like my mother-in-law. I told her that the essential reason for the deterioration of the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the inaction of the man, that is, there are serious problems in the relationship between the husband and wife.
A man is like a stranger, wandering between his mother and wife, but he never asks about the situation between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or he doesn't care if he sees it, or he takes sides, and the relationship between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will become worse and worse.
Whether the mother-in-law is selfish or the daughter-in-law is selfish, as long as the man has an idea, he will not let the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fight.
Many men don't realize their own importance, they always feel that they have worked hard enough to make money to support their families, and they always think that this is a matter between women, and it is not good for them to interfere. As everyone knows, this kind of behavior that is detached from the sense of cooperation is the root cause of one's own life.
A male friend who consulted me said that his wife was a demon who didn't care about the life or death of the children and blindly helped her mother's family. I asked him, is she your wife?He said yes, and I asked him again, since she is your wife, why do you want to solve this problem now?
He said that he had persuaded and scolded him before, but she didn't listen, and he didn't know what to do.
I don't think there's anything he can do about it, he just needs to do one thing: keep a tight lid on the family's spending.
has controlled the family economy, what can I do to help my brother?Do you want to give your own refrigerator and washing machine to your mother's family?If that's really the case, then what's the life, divorce is fine. Because, such a person can no longer get along, and if you continue to live with such a person, your life will be ruined.
Moreover, a strong attitude and means can not only suppress the irresponsible lover, but also maintain his authority and not let the other party do too much harm to the family.
It's not that there is no way to solve the problems between husband and wife, it's that you know the method but don't dare to try. Some people are always looking ahead and never thinking about what their lives will be worse if things go unfolded.
If the problems between husband and wife are to be completely solved, they must do what Adler said: they care more about their spouse than they care about themselves.
The kind of care I mean is not to tolerate the other person's repeated mistakes, not to tolerate all the bad things of the other person, but to guide your lover to run a good family with you.
For example, in the previous two cases, if the female friend who was tormented by the conflict between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can pick up the courage to divorce, let her husband solve the conflict between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with a strong attitude, and try to be fair and just, I believe that as long as he does not want to divorce, her husband will not turn a blind eye. If the male friend who was tortured by the wife of the demon who helped the younger brother recognized and supported his wife's filial behavior to the elderly while controlling the family economy, he would be able to make his wife realize the importance of the family.
You may not understand, but the method I am talking about is actually not difficult to understand. He controlled the family's finances, and instead of stopping his wife's filial behavior towards the elderly, he gave him spiritual support, and his wife would feel a little comfort. If he can take the initiative to take care of the elderly on both sides in this situation and leave his wife aside, he will be able to solve the problem and establish a good relationship with his wife.
This method does not apply to all couples who have this kind of problem, only some, you can try it, it will not do you any harm, but if you still can't change the situation, please deal with it with a strong attitude as I said before.
Guiding lovers to establish a good cooperative relationship with themselves is the key to completely solving the emotional problems of men and women, and how to guide and what kind of attitude to guide needs friends to formulate according to their own different situations.