It's almost the end of the year, and the recent communication with my mother's ** has been more and more deviant in an unpleasant direction.
I think it has something to do with the Chinese New Year, after the lockdown is lifted, I will inevitably have to meet with relatives, and it is inevitable to see and compare the work situation, income status and small family construction of my generation, but I don't have anything I can do, and my mother's mentality is about to collapse.
So, my mother came up with her life's killer weapon: accusation.
You are so old, don't pick again, look at your classmates, she is not as good as her, and people are not married and have a good life.
Can't you go back to business and make more money, find a way to make more money.
So, during this time, the mentality that I finally adjusted collapsed, and I became the worst person in the world.
Sadness, crying, and falling into the dark abyss again without suspense.
It is no exaggeration to say that the biggest grievance and hurt that people have suffered in their lives to this day comes from their mothers.
The paradox of life is that people who love you can also hurt you, and you are slow to react in the cage in the name of love, you don't know how to fight back, and you are even willing to be hurt for that little love, and even cooperate with others to hurt yourself.
My mother, like anyone who didn't know me, had a ruler to measure me accurately. The ruler clearly states what is successful, what is excellent, what is normal, and what is qualified.
I was measured to have too many substandard points, and she was disappointed in me.
I suddenly realized that my mom didn't love me as much as I thought she would, and she didn't even want to get to know me.
She didn't know my personality, what I was good at and what I wasn't good at, what I liked and disliked, and she didn't want to know.
Even though I told her I didn't like dealing with all kinds of people in the business process, it was exhausting. I shared with her how easy it was after changing jobs, but she couldn't empathize, and her left ear went in and out of her right ear.
It dawned on me that I finally recognized a cruel and realistic truth: my mother's love was superficial.
This kind of love is shallow and fragile, and a small storm can tear open the surface and reveal the truth below: what she really cares about is herself, and what she cares about is whether I have fulfilled her expectations.
She doesn't care if I'm happy or miserable, she doesn't care how I feel, she cares about how she feels.
My mother, like countless people around me who are trying to oppress my "self" living space, is trying to make me obey their will and ultimately benefit them. It's just that Mom's excuse is unique, it's "for my good".
It turns out that the only one who really cares about my feelings is myself.
So, be bold and do what you love.
Just boldly fight back against the attack, vent your emotions boldly, and don't do anything to "control and cage the self", so that the "self" can live comfortably and live that vitality.
I'm going to die anyway, I have nothing when I'm born anyway, I can't take anything with me after I die, I care about what other people think, what I'm afraid of other people's disappointments, it's all nothingness, it's all bullshit!
I can live as much as I like.