In relationships, whether as a couple or as a lover, we often encounter various challenges and conflicts.
And behind these questions are hidden unspoken rules.
Today we will talk about this topic: whether it is a husband and wife or a lover, no matter how good the relationship is, don't ignore these 3 unspoken rules.
First: You are miserable because you always want to change others.
To maintain healthy relationships, we often try to change others to make each other more comfortable.
When we focus too much on changing others, we often overlook the need to change ourselves.
In fact, changing others is a daunting task, and all we have in control is ourselves.
When we realize that our pain stems from trying to change others, we can shift our thinking and focus on ourselves to find ways to change.
For example, a common problem in a relationship is that a person wants to change certain behavioral Xi of his partner.
If a person blindly emphasizes the other person's inadequacies and tries to change the other person, then the relationship may sink into endless quarrels and pain.
Conversely, if we can accept each other's uniqueness and focus on changing ourselves, such as improving our communication skills, patience and understanding, then the relationship may become more harmonious and stable.
Second: Changing oneself is God, and changing others is a neurosis.
This unspoken rule reminds us to focus on self-growth and change, rather than focusing too much on changing others.
Each of us is an individual with our own way of thinking and coping.
Attempts to change others are often contrary to personal freedom and respect, which can easily lead to conflict and resentment.
For example, there is a common problem in relationships: one person tries to fit themselves by changing the other person's interests or hobbies.
If we try to force the other person to change their interests and hobbies, they may feel stifled and suppressed, which can eventually lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
On the contrary, if we can truly understand and respect each other's interests and hobbies, and develop our own hobbies, such a relationship may be more balanced and healthy.
Third: Adults are only screened, not educated.
We often think that educating others in relationships is an important task, however, adults are more likely to choose a partner or friend who is suitable for them through screening.
Education is a complex process that requires time and patience.
In contrast, screening is a more straightforward and effective way to help us determine which relationships are right for us.
For example, when we are looking for a partner who has a similar concept of family education, we can find people with the same heart more quickly through screening.
And trying to change the people who have formed educational concepts and fixed thinking is a difficult task.
By selecting the right partner, we can avoid unnecessary pain and conflict, while also finding relationships that are more in line with our values.
In relationships, understanding and following these 3 unspoken rules can help us better maintain healthy relationships.
When we are able to accept the uniqueness of others and shift our focus to ourselves, relationships may become more harmonious and stable.
At the same time, we should focus on our own growth and change, rather than trying to constantly change others.
Screening the right partner and friends is a smarter choice than trying to change others through education.
By enforcing the unspoken rules, we can foster our own growth and development, and achieve healthier and more meaningful relationships.