Since you take the initiative to break up, the relationship is not necessarily worth salvage.
In my opinion, recovery should be closely related to whether you will be happy in the future.
Sometimes getting together can bring short-term happiness, but it's not the best option.
So I hope you can calm down and think clearly before you get your ex back:
Why do you want him back?
This answer may allow you to look at yourself more objectively and force you to think clearly about whether it is an impulsive decision to make a redemption.
Ask yourself what the reason for redemption is so that it can guide you in times of confusion.
For example, if you want the other party to calm your emotions, then you can easily lose control of your emotions because of his refusal.
Emotional acts of redemption usually only cause distress for both parties.
Not only is it not good for you to get results, but it also makes you more humble and sad.
Therefore, the reason for redemption should be good and related to your happiness.
This means that you feel that your ex is worth it for you and wants to work hard for your own happiness.
And the reason for the breakup will let you know if the ex is worth trying to recover.
Five common reasons to break up
Although you are taking the initiative to break up, your emotions will inevitably be affected.
On the one hand, you want to be firm in your decision to break up, and on the other hand, you are panicked by the unknown.
As a result, your thoughts may be confusing, and these thoughts can influence your decisions.
I don't say this to persuade you to give up on redemption, but just to make you think about whether it's worth it.
Here are 5 common reasons why girls bring up breakups, as well as some of my personal opinions, I hope to help you think:
You think you can live better
At some point in the relationship, you think you could be better off.
However, after the breakup, you find that your original life was not so bad.
He has a more positive meaning for your life than you think.
We can't know everything, so we need other experiences to help us adjust our mindsets.
If your ex is treating you badly (such as physical or mental abuse), then please don't come back to him.
But if he's nice to you, don't let yourself regret it.
But even if he takes the initiative to find you, it can't be done overnight.
You're worried about your ex cheating, but he doesn't
I don't want to hurt your self-esteem, but it's your responsibility in this situation.
It feels bad to be blamed for something that isn't factual, especially from someone who should have trusted them.
So you have to try to adjust your jealousy before you can redeem it.
It's not that it's wrong to have jealousy between couples, after all, people who take relationships seriously are possessive.
But there is a limit to everything, and you need to learn to deal with it the right way.
The ex has in fact cheated
are saying that love and marriage need to be inclusive, which is actually true.
But the one who cheated on you and couldn't give you happiness, I don't feel the need to give him the opportunity to hurt you again.
If you're thinking about getting back together with this person, be sure to figure out if it's a single incident or inertia.
He betrayed you with another girl, and that may have been the beginning of a tragedy.
Intense arguments lead to breakups
If you break up impulsively because of a fight, then there is a high probability that it is a fake breakup.
This kind of breakup has a greater chance of getting back together, after all, emotions come and go quickly.
With the passage of time and space, feelings of anger and uneasiness are gradually appeased.
However, it does not include situations where there is a lot of noise on a regular basis.
Because when you begin to think rationally, all you remember is quarrels and anger.
Relationships that lack the support of good memories usually don't keep people's hearts, so it will be very difficult to get back together.
The ex is becoming less and less attractive
The more familiar two people are, the easier it is to ignore each other's feelings.
Maybe you've been together for too long, and everything about him will upset you.
What he wears, how he talks, yawns, farts, etc., his attraction to you is already low.
Your sense of novelty and excitement about the relationship has faded and you end up breaking up with him.
But soon realize he's the best boyfriend you've ever had, so you want to be able to start over with him.
But he refuses to get back together, and you regret and blame yourself for it.
If this is the case for you, then the following 9 steps can help you get back together with your ex!
Nine steps to help you get back together with your ex
Taking the initiative to break up is usually not satisfied with the relationship.
But after the breakup, he began to regret it again and found that he couldn't accept the separation of the two.
So you may be arrogant and want to get back together with him, but you don't expect to be rejected by him.
Maybe you will feel that a person who has been abandoned by you should not accept your sugma.
Maybe you're going to behave recklessly, maybe he's got a new love.
I know you're in a hurry to get a "result", but it's often counterproductive.
Regardless of your current situation with him, you need to have a stable mood and state.
Step 1: Wait a while before "making an effort".
Whether they want to stay together or not, the outcast can feel frustration, anger, and resentment.
Whatever the cause, it clearly ended badly.
And you're the one who drove him away, and it's easy for him to get angry with you.
So if you don't want to be his punching bag, you need to give him some time to soothe his emotions.
Step 2: Reassess if you really want him back
You may not break up because of the above 5 reasons, but there must be reasons that belong to you.
Maybe you choose to break up for a suitable reason, but you still feel conflicted inside.
So during this time, don't completely trust your own judgment.
The pain of separation can overwhelm you and make you wonder if you did the right thing to do to break up.
He may beg you not to leave, and you feel guilty for it.
So you need the time and space to be alone to make sure you can handle the chaos.
And in a calm situation, reassess whether you really want him back.
Step 3: Disconnect briefly
I suggest that you mention that after the breakup, you can be disconnected for 2-3 weeks.
It allows you to focus on yourself and calm down your ex-boyfriend.
Because only then will it be easier for him to accept your efforts.
Attraction can be reshaped during disconnection, whether it's him or you.
Maybe it's not that the ex-boyfriend is unattractive, but that it needs some stimulation to play out.
You can also express through the side of the circle of friends during this time that the decision to break up was hasty.
Or you can subtly express that you appreciate him more and what he means to you.
Step 4: Break the ice and send the first text message
If your ex-boyfriend doesn't contact you after the disconnection, then you need to make a plan to get back together.
Breaking the ice with him for the first time can be done through text.
Send him a message that resonates, and it doesn't involve feelings.
This message contains what he is good at or interested in, and it won't be a hassle for him to reply to you.
Step 5: Rebuild trust during the SMS interaction process
At first, your ex may still feel insecure when he talks to you.
It may provoke his psychological defense mechanisms to protect himself from future disappointments.
Maybe he's still haunted by the breakup, and he still has anger at you.
As a result, he may be hot and cold, and your chat is not as close as it used to be.
You have to be patient and understanding of his erratic behavior, and rebuild trust step by step.
Step 6: Try to make an appointment to meet
Try to meet for the first time in a public, informal setting, which helps to create a casual atmosphere.
Don't treat it like a date and don't do anything that will stress you guys.
Even if he wants to discuss the relationship, then you should guide him not to talk about it yet.
Don't show up with apologies and don't ask him to forgive you.
It's easy to step on thunder in similar discussions, and you need to try to avoid these topics.
You just need to simply enjoy the moment and don't rush to repair the relationship.
Step 7: Don't rush back to normal
Many people will always think about how beautiful the past was because of anxiety.
Therefore, in the process of redemption, it is easy to have a situation of tying up the other party.
A breakup may mean something that isn't normal for you, but it's not something that can get back to normal in a short period of time.
You may have been very much in love with each other, but you need to calm yourself down and rebuild your trust first.
Negative memories and grievances from the past, they will gradually surface.
You need to wait for them to appear, find them and fix them.
Step 8: Discuss together what needs to change for each other
After a while, you have forgiven each other for everything that happened in the past.
You will find joy and comfort in each other, and the relationship will begin to develop in a positive direction.
If you've made it clear that you're back together, it's time to discuss what you can do to avoid breaking up again.
Make some plans together and agree on what to do.
This will help avoid conflicts, confusion, or misunderstandings that can be repeated after getting back together.
The two can agree on how to communicate in the event of a conflict, or they can learn Xi understand each other's thoughts.
Step 9: Celebrate the reunion
Life needs a sense of ritual, and so does emotion.
Celebrating important days can remind you of what happened in the past.
Every relationship that will eventually lead to a breakup is precisely because of the accumulation of negative feedback again and again.
Celebrating reunion symbolizes the beginning of a new life in your new relationship and accumulates positive feedback.
Summary
I regret mentioning the breakup and want to make amends, but my ex has never forgiven you.
Part of it is because of the anger of being abandoned, and part of it is because of your attitude.
Do you give him the feeling that he can go and come when he wants?
Are you always in a hurry to ask him to give you a "result"?
Will you make him feel that you are a gift to him that you are willing to return?
In any case, please calm down and think about whether you really want him back.
And don't let him pay for your emotions, try to provide emotional value.