In my family, there is an aunt and grandmother who has never entered the palace of marriage in her life. She was a bridge construction engineer and spent most of her time on construction sites and deep in the mountains and forests.
In February, I had the privilege of meeting her when she was younger, when she was beautiful, slim, and outstanding. In that male-rich industry, she could have easily entered the palace of marriage, and in fact, there were not a few people who pursued her.
However, fate has set a hurdle for her. Her fiancé was killed in a mudslide, a sudden turn of events that changed the course of her life forever. Since then, my aunt and grandmother have chosen not to marry for life, she said that she once had a hard time in the sea, and she never met such a suitable person again, and she was unwilling to compromise.
As the eldest in the family, my aunt and grandmother were loved by my brothers and sisters. They respect her choice and never force her to do anything she doesn't want to. Even when she was unmarried, there was talk of having a child for her, but she firmly refused, on the grounds that her job could not balance the responsibility of caring for the child.
Therefore, the elders of the family asked the children of our generation to visit their aunt and grandmother more often, get close to her, and inherit the family's love for her. We know very well that this is a kind of entrustment to our juniors, and we hope that we can give her more companionship and care in her old age.
Although my aunt and grandmother have never entered the palace of marriage in her life, she has achieved fruitful results in her career. After retirement, she lived comfortably, earned a good salary, and owned her own house. Since she often climbed mountains and crossed bridges when she was young, she has quite a good physical foundation. After retiring, she lived in the community assigned by the unit, surrounded by retirees from the same industry. They have a lot of topics in common, which makes her later life even more colorful than before.
In the university for the elderly, my aunt and grandmother studied Chinese painting, shared the fun of badminton with their former colleagues, and organized trips from time to time, so that their lives were rich and colorful.
Among them, there is a Mr. Y, who has a similar experience with his aunt and grandmother, and has never been married in his life. It is said that he devoted himself to his work and missed the ** period of marriage, but he was very popular and respected in the hospital.
Someone once proposed that my aunt and grandmother spend the rest of their lives with Mr. Y, but both politely declined. My aunt and grandmother believe that at this age, she has long been accustomed to living alone, and it is a burden for her to adapt to another person's living habits, personality and cultivation. And Mr. Y's reasons are much the same, he also enjoys his time alone.
Despite this, they maintained a friendly relationship, often playing ball together, viewing flowers, and even inviting each other to their homes. Once, I had the privilege of accompanying my aunt to Mr. Y's house for dinner.
Mr. Y's home is neat and orderly, with a wide range of books, but perhaps because he is an engineering student, the family lacks some interest in life, and there are hardly any mood-related items to be seen, only books and daily necessities. This is in stark contrast to my aunt's home.
My aunt's home was full of literary and artistic atmosphere, with books and decorations such as beautiful stones and plant specimens that she collected from various construction sites, as well as her own paintings and photographs. Every time you visit, you can feel a sense of warmth and comfort. Mr. Y's home, on the other hand, is more like a simple residence, lacking the joy of life in his aunt's house.
I also noticed a detail: after my aunt and grandmother turned 70 years old, they began to install various protective equipment in their homes. She has railings in the areas where she often walks, sturdy handrails next to the flush toilet, and non-slip mats, bath chairs and crash pads in the bathroom. These measures show that while the aunt and grandmother are enjoying loneliness, they are also fully prepared for their old age. Mr. Y doesn't seem to have taken this into account.
Later, I asked my aunt and grandmother this question, and she didn't answer it right away, but said that she needed some time to think about it.
When I visited her again a few weeks later, she told me that she had seriously considered it and had consulted with her old friends, both men and women. Even, she discussed this issue directly with Mr. Y.
Mr. Y's answer was simple, he said he had never thought about it. And the aunt and grandmother came to the conclusion after careful consideration that although Mr. Y has entered old age, he himself is not really aware of it.
In Mr. Y's opinion, he is still strong and healthy enough to cope with life's challenges. In fact, he has always been very exercise-oriented, his diet is simple but nutritionally balanced, and his physical condition is indeed quite good.
My aunt and grandmother are also in good physical condition, with dexterity in their legs and feet, and clear thinking. However, she believes that women are inherently more risk-conscious than men. This may be due to differences in the nature of men and women.
Under the same conditions, men tend to be overconfident that they are strong enough, while women are more acutely aware of their vulnerability.
One might think that Mr. Y is overconfident and may end up losing. However, this was not the case, and Mr. Y did not install any protective equipment in his home until his death. He left this world peacefully in his sleep, only to be discovered the next day by a part-time worker who had come to clean up.
My aunt and grandmother were in a wheelchair in her old age, and the protective equipment she had installed came in handy.
Therefore, it is difficult to say whether it is men or women who are more likely to get into trouble at the end of life. When you are not healthy and unable to take care of yourself, both men and women face great challenges. At the same time, if the economic conditions are insufficient, life can become extremely difficult, regardless of gender.
Therefore, the key factors that determine the quality of life in old age are health and economic level, and marital status is not the decisive factor.
However, my father once mentioned an observation that older men who are divorced or widowed tend to have a very hard time if they can't find a new partner quickly; Older women in the same situation tend to be relatively nourished. This may reveal the different coping strategies and mentalities of different genders when facing the single life of old age.