What is the difference between a couple who are always quarreling and a couple who have a harmonious family?
Why are other people's husbands and wives harmonious, but you quarrel every day? Because each of us is an independent and unique individual, not tailor-made for another person, we all have our own personality and temperament. But we have to deal with others, so it is inevitable that there will be contradictions in getting along, and we need to run in at this time.
You might say: why should I go for a run-in? Why should I grieve myself? If I am not satisfied, I can leave, and I can change to another person. That's right, you can indeed maintain your personality in society and keep your edges and corners. There is nothing wrong with people who don't get along with each other and can keep their distance to reduce conflicts.
But when you and a person go through love to marriage and start to live together for a long time, you have to face two realities:
One is that you need to get along with this person day and night, and many things will have to be dealt with together in the future.
The second is that you and the person you love are not completely compatible with you. Because there are no two people in the world who are perfectly compatible, this is a contradiction. If two people want to get along closely, but they can't fit perfectly, then the result will inevitably be constant friction.
What to do? is already in love and married, it is impossible to change people casually, so you can only accept mutual running-in. In fact, any happy couple must go through the process of running-in.
So what is a run-in? To put it simply, it is to be able to adapt to each other and modify one's behavior every time you encounter a conflict, so as to avoid the same problem again.
As a simple example, you take an apple to him today, and he doesn't like apples and likes oranges. If you know this situation, then next time you will change it to an orange, instead of still giving him an apple for further understanding.
Disagreement is not to compromise and seek perfection, not to passively sacrifice their own interests to meet each other, not to ask the other party to do anything for themselves, this is the mentality of taking, but both parties take the initiative to think about each other, with a positive attitude to make the relationship between the two sides better, more harmonious, and take the initiative to adapt to each other.
This kind of adaptation is sometimes just expressed in another way, giving does not mean that we have lost anything, we must always grasp what the purpose of the run-in is. Run-in is not to make the two parties worse and worse, not to make the relationship between the two parties colder and colder, and not to make the marriage more and more disharmonious. The purpose of running-in is to be better, to make the relationship between two people more harmonious and their marriage happier.
How to run in? The first thing is that you have to care about the other person, and you have to know what things can hurt the other person. Of course, it doesn't matter if you don't know, in getting along, after you do something, the other party is unhappy, or brings harm or trouble to the other party, then next time you don't do such a thing, this is actually a process of fine-tuning.
Another point is to pay attention to reasonable proportion, run-in is not unlimited to meet the other party, but the two sides to reach a consensus. This consensus is the way to deal with one thing, both sides can accept it, try not to sacrifice one of the parties, but to seek a win-win situation. Even if one or two things cannot be unified, as long as they are not excessive, there is no problem with the humility of one side.
In the final analysis, the premise of being able to run in well is that two people love each other, care about each other's feelings, and are willing to make changes and adaptations for the sake of harmony. On the contrary, if you don't love, you will show a demanding mentality, only focus on yourself and don't care about the other party, you are not willing to change for the sake of harmony, you always maintain your own arrogant investment, and treat the other party as an opponent, and the result can only be constant disputes.
That's why two people who don't love each other, no matter what, don't get along well, and they will only get worse and worse, making getting along with each other a torment. This shows the importance of love in marriage. Do you understand? I'm Aiden, follow me to talk about marriage.