Section 1: Start with Reading Minds
What is mind reading, what problems does it solve, and what are the wonders?
There is a saying in management: management is to manage people's hearts.
Some people say that marketing is to market people's hearts, and if you get the hearts of customers, you can take out the money in your customers' pockets. All kinds of people make up the society around us, as long as they participate in social activities, they will inevitably have to deal with people, as long as they deal with people, they are essentially dealing with people's hearts. In this case, it is very necessary to learn a little bit of human recognition skills. If you don't know what the customer wants, don't know what he thinks, the probability of marketing will be reduced, learn to know people, know what customers think, and sell in a targeted manner, and the probability of closing will naturally increase.
However, the value of knowing people does not stop there, and the cost of seeing a person wrong is likely to become an unbearable burden for a lifetime. Seeing the wrong person in marriage and love is likely to mean a lifetime of pain. Failed marriages often start with a failed choice; A happy marriage often starts with a correct choice, and reading people's hearts is the basis of choice.
Choice is more important than effort, because the right choice can avoid the occurrence of problems, and even achieve a cure by doing nothing. And the wrong choice lays the groundwork for all kinds of problems, like a person like a firefighter to constantly solve the problem, consuming a lot of energy, time, and even financial resources.
A happy marriage does not need to be managed, but both parties are naturally happy with their own happiness.
In a painful marriage, no matter how you operate, it is difficult to get rid of the background of pain, improvisation and numbness in marriage are not equal to happiness, and one of the parties is not equal to happiness.
The two different results start with a choice, choose the right person, even if you encounter some contradictions and disputes in the future, you can calmly discuss and solve them; Choosing the wrong person, even if you can live a good life, will continue to cause a lot of problems.
Even if you are not afraid of things, are you afraid that someone is looking for trouble every day?
Happiness is not an outcome, but a feeling.
To make the right choice, you need at least two foundations.
First, be able to identify people's hearts and make decisions according to the laws of human nature.
Second, understand the objective law and abide by the objective law to make choices.
It can take into account both people and things, and there is a basis for making choices and decisions, and it can be flexible and change according to the specific situation, and it will be able to be handy in doing things.
Knowing people from the perspective of social behavior is nothing more than five points:Recognize intelligence, ability, mentality, realm, and character. These five aspects make up what a person looks like in terms of social behavior and underpin a person's social achievement.
Intelligence can also be called comprehension, is a person's potential, determines the width of the world a person can see and the depth of insight, the stronger the understanding, often when doing things, the more can grasp the essence and key points, then the more effective the behavior. People with low comprehension, on the other hand, only see the surface of things. People with strong understanding will focus on analyzing problems from a longer time dimension when looking at problems, so they will see more thoroughly, while people with low understanding will only see short-term effects and immediate benefits.
Anything, no matter how unreasonable it may seem on the surface, is reasonable as long enough to stretch the time and space to be large enough.
Ability is the ability to achieve results, which determines what a person can do and what he can't do, the more difficult and complex things a person can do, the stronger the person's ability; The higher the probability of success in a person's work, the stronger the person's ability.
The realm is a kind of height, the ancients believed that this height depends on the degree of fit between a person and the essence of the world, the higher the degree of fit with the essence of the world, the higher the realm of the person, and the lower the degree of fit with the essence of the world, the lower the realm of the person. Moreover, people in the lower realm are often unable to understand the behavior and thinking of people in the higher realm. Just like Lao Tzu said: When the sergeant hears the Tao, he acts diligently; When the sergeant heard this, if he survived, he died; When the corporal heard this, he laughed. It's not enough not to laugh.
The Tao is the ultimate essence of this world and even the universe.
Mentality is a person's reaction to the people and things around him, which determines a person's width to a certain extent, which constructs the size of the person's world, and how big the stage a person's life can be active in, fundamentally speaking, depends on what kind of mentality is used to treat the world;
The measure of character is the person's code of conduct, as well as the way of treating others, but at this level, the standards of the hundreds of schools of thought are different, and the more common one is the "gentleman" standard given by Confucius:
Confucius said:The so-called gentleman will be faithful and unscrupulous, righteous and unscrupulous, thoughtful and unfocused, faithful, self-reliant, and unattainable. (See "Long and Short Classics").
It is to the effect that the gentleman is the kind of person who can speak in accordance with the facts without making things up, and does not worry about the adverse consequences of telling the truth; When interacting with others, you can not only think about others, but also be able to control your balance, and you will not boast about helping others; Be able to think comprehensively and thoroughly, and will not think that you are a negator of others; Constantly pursue to explore the essence of the world and apply it to their own practical actions. On the surface, such a person seems to be ordinary and has nothing special, but if you compare it carefully, you find that it seems that you can't do it as well as others.
These five aspects are like the five elements of wood, fire, earth, gold, and water, which are both mutually reinforcing and complementary.
From the level of personal psychology, there are no more than two points to know people:Fear and desire are the two most basic drivers of human behavior, which support the deep logic of a person's thinking and the boundaries of personal behavior.
Fear defines the boundaries of one's actions, while desire provides tension to one's actions.
Regardless of whether it is East or West, throughout the ages, the most effective way to restrain people's behavior is to create fear in different ways, and all rules are eventually broken by desire. These two forces are like a pair of yin and yang, you have me, I have you, coexistence and symbiosis, and water and fire are incompatible.
To do management, if we can understand our team from the social perspective and psychological level we talked about above, and understand the thinking characteristics, behavioral characteristics, and inner thoughts of each employee, then we can effectively motivate employees, better management, improve efficiency, and make the team more cohesive and combative.
Among the hundreds of schools of thought in the pre-Qin Dynasty, the most thorough and fruitful research on the recognition and employment of people and interpersonal communication is none other than the Zonghengjia.
Liu Ju, a famous writer and philosopher in the Han Dynasty, said to Tang Ju, a commentator and strategist: A three-inch tongue is stronger than a million male soldiers; One person's argument is heavier than the treasure of Jiuding.
One of the typical representatives of the Zongheng family is called Su Qin and the other is Zhang Yi.
Su Qin has created a miracle in human history. In the late Warring States period, he once served as the prime minister of six vassal states at the same time, and he was in the limelight for a while. Zhang Yi was the prime minister of Qin at that time, assisting Qin to become strong step by step, laying a solid foundation for Qin Shi Huang to unify the world and establish the Great Qin Empire. In the late Warring States period, there were many figures of the Zongheng family, who mainly studied communication skills and lobbied the princes to give advice. There are hundreds of Zonghengjia characters recorded in the "Warring States Policy", some of them served as diplomats during the Warring States Period, and often went to other countries to live up to their mission; Some are generals, leading troops to fight and conquer cities; Some became prime ministers or local **, governing one side and benefiting the people; Some choose to become retainers of certain forces, give advice, and repeatedly perform miraculous feats; Some live in seclusion in the mountains and forests, at ease.
Zonghengjia became an academic and political force that could not be ignored in the society at that time.
They study language, communication, and interpersonal communication, and have developed superb communication methods and accurate recognition skills. Although the wheel of history has passed for 2,000 years, the results of their research still seem to be eye-catching, even surprising, and very worthy of modern people's study and reference.
The top skills of recognizing people can not only see the truth and falsehood of a person's words, but also see through a person's inner world and mental characteristicseachComeIn front of youof peopleBothLikeRunning naked.
Section 2: Case Analysis
Speaking of a real case, in 2000, Mr. Zhang was the provincial CEO of a group company, and he had a customer who had been working very happily with him, and his personal relationship with Mr. Zhang was also very good.
Once this customer bought goods, saying that the money was not enough, a few thousand yuan, and the finance did not give the development order, so he found Mr. Zhang, hoping to give him a good accommodation, deliver the goods first, and make up the money next week.
Because the money was not much, Mr. Zhang agreed, signed the financial invoice for special approval, and the customer also paid the money to the company's account on time next week according to the promise. This happened very often, and it created a habit that the customer would hang up as long as he "didn't have enough money". He would call soon, and he was very trustworthy every time, gradually letting his guard down.
A few years later, the customer asked for 70,000 or 80,000 yuan of goods at once, but he didn't pay, and the financial account was hanging, so he directly opened an order and pulled the goods away.
As a result, the customer disappeared, and as a last resort, the company found a lawyer, sued, and collected debts, only to find out that the customer had deceived many companies in the same way, and the amount involved was more than 2 million.
Although some losses were eventually recovered, the arrears were not fully recovered. The reason for this result, on the one hand, the company's financial system in that era was generally imperfect, on the other hand, it is not able to read people, if you know how to read people's minds now, you will know at a glance that the customer is unreliable, and there will be no credit from the beginning, and there will be no trouble and loss later.
Here's another example.
Once, after a lecture, a student came to me after class and told me that his son was in the second year of junior high school, tired of school, and had been at home for two weeks. What is the reason not to go to school?
He said that the child said that he couldn't get along with his classmates, and he couldn't handle the relationship with the teacher, so he was very uncomfortable at school, so he didn't want to go, and asked his parents to find a way to transfer him, otherwise he wouldn't go to school from now on.
And adults feel sorry for the child, reluctant to fight, reluctant to scold, the child does not go to school and plays with mobile phones at home, and the parents have told him many times that they can't solve this problem, and they are very distressed.
He said, "Teacher Xie, you see that you are a researcher who understands people and people's hearts, can you help us think of a way, how can we let our children go to school?"
I told him that it is not enough to listen to your side of the story, that what the child tells you may not be what he really thinks in his heart, you call the child over, and I will talk to him. Later, when I communicated with the child, I found that this child's personality type belongs to the emotional type, that is to say, he does not study, and he really cares about the relationship with the teacher and his classmates. In the same way, in the interaction with parents, he is willing to do things that can make his parents happy, cares about the relationship with parents, and is willing to establish better relationships with people in his environment. This is the child's deepest inner need and what motivates his actions.
From the perspective of desire and fear, the child's potential psychological need is to want a good social environment, in the family, to be able to get along harmoniously with his parents, and to communicate harmoniously with teachers and classmates at school, but the child is still young and does not know how to use to achieve the results he wants. And his fear is isolation, being left out, being criticized, accusing.
After understanding the child's personality and thinking, I quickly found a way, and I told his parents that how he handled the relationship with his classmates and teachers at school often did not interfere as a parent. But you can keep saying to him: I'm happy if you can go to school. If you don't go to school, we, as parents, are sad, so do you choose to go or not?
In fact, the meaning behind it is: do you make your parents happy, or do you make your parents sad?
For a child who cares a lot about his feelings and his relationship with his parents, this method has a clear choice of going to school. Even after arriving at that school, the relationship with his classmates and teachers still needs to be further dealt with, but he will choose to make his parents happy.
Seeing what motivates your child's behavior is very simple, precise and effective.
After returning home, she communicated with the child in this way, and two days later, the child went to school, and successfully solved the problem of whether to go to school or not. But this is not the end, it is also necessary to solve the problem of whether he is willing to go, assist the child to learn the ways and means of communication together, and fundamentally solve the problem of school boredom.
Through the guidance in the later stage, help the child to establish a good relationship with teachers and classmates at school, the child not only handles the relationship with classmates at school very well, but also has a very good relationship with the teachers, and his grades have skyrocketed.
Vertical and horizontal science thinks:The method is in the cause, and it is more important to solve the cause of the problem than to solve the problem itself. Then we need to see the cause of the problem, and then choose to solve the superficial problem first, or clear the cause of the problem first, both aspects are indispensable.
The characteristics of this child are: whether he learns well depends on whether he likes the teacher of the subject or not; Whether he can study happily and stably in this environment depends on whether he has a good relationship with other classmates and whether he is comfortable in that environment.
Everyone's personality is different, and so are children. Some children are more independent, have ideas, and act according to their goals. Such a child is affected by the environment, so to adjust the learning state of such a child, it is necessary to start from his personal inner world, rather than from the environment.
The more happy a person is, the more he can give full play to his potential, if a person is unhappy and always in a sad state, it will be difficult to exert his potential, and even the original IQ will be discounted, which is the law of the human heart.
Happiness is the door to wisdom and the door to success.
Sadness and sadness are a wall that keeps wisdom out of the door, but also success and happiness.
Let me tell you a real case: a friend's child, 11 years old this year, in primary school, math scores have not been very good, the latest exam score of more than 70 points, the results in their class is in the middle and lower reaches, I have thought of a lot of ways to tutor children to learn mathematics, but there has been no significant effect. Both parents are very distressed because of their children's math scores.
One Sunday, I went to this friend's house to chat with the child, and found that the child was not unwilling to learn mathematics, nor did he have no talent for learning mathematics, but because his parents were very strong people, and the child's math grades were not good. Mathematics scores have become a stalk in the child's psychology, as soon as mathematics is mentioned, he is nervous and stressed, and his mood cannot be relaxed. In this case, on the one hand, it is impossible to concentrate on learning, and on the other hand, what you have learned will soon be forgotten and you will not be able to remember it at all, and the learning efficiency is very low. This becomes a vicious circle, the grades are not good, the more parents urge the child, the more nervous the child, the more stressed, the worse the learning effect, and the more the further grades cannot be improved.
The normal psychological law is that the more relaxed the situation, the better the learning effect, clear thinking, and strong memory, the more nervous the situation, not only the learning effect is not good, but also the learning can not be remembered.
After knowing the child's situation, I reached a consensus with the child and his parents, in the future, the child should listen to me when learning mathematics, and the parents can no longer ask about the child's mathematics score, and I promise to improve the child's mathematics score by a notch.
I have made a plan for my child to learn mathematics, and from today onwards, except for the homework left by the teacher, all math problems outside of class will not be done.
How can you improve your math score without doing math problems?
Let my child take twenty minutes a day to read the math textbook he is learning, but it must be read as I ask him to:
First, you are only allowed to read for twenty minutes a day, not even one more.
Second, in the process of reading, you are not allowed to do homework, you are not allowed to do problems, so you are very relaxed to read, like reading **, reading math books like reading stories.
Thirdly, it is up to the child to decide when to read these twenty minutes each day, but there is a premise that there must be a fixed time every day to read math books.
Fourth, stipulate that the amount of reading per day should not be more or less. Start reading from the first page, read 20 pages at a time, and continue to read the next time, regardless of whether you understood it last time or not, and do not repeat what you have read before, until the last page of the textbook, whether it is the teacher who has talked about it or not. After reading the end, go back to the first page and repeat the process above.
The child quickly decided that he would read the math book for twenty minutes from 7:30 --- 8:50 p.m., and that his homework would be done at this time of the day and he would relax.
As a result, a month later, the child scored 95 points in the math test, an increase of more than 20 points from the original.
His parents said to me, when you first made this plan for your child, we were afraid that it would not work, such a simple method has such a miraculous result! How can such an approach improve math scores? Isn't math all done by doing homework? Representation is difficult to understand.
I said that you don't understand people's hearts, you don't understand children, this child's personality is also very strong, very similar to the two of you, he wants to learn mathematics well, but because he wants to learn mathematics too much, so, keep doing homework and brushing problems. As a result, when it comes to mathematics, there is pressure, and if you two give him some more pressure, it will be more difficult for the child to relax, and the learning effect will be greatly reduced in that tense state.
There are several key points in the plan I make for my child according to his personal characteristics:
First, let him relax, he knows that these twenty minutes do not need to do problems, there is no need to test the effect, there is no one to judge right and wrong, good or bad, and the time is not long, he has no pressure, and he can study mathematics in a very relaxed situation. And he was also very fond of mathematics, so he was able to focus on reading and learning in this process. In this process, because it is a whole-book reading, the knowledge learned is equivalent to a review, and the content that has not been learned is previewed, and you can read it from beginning to end in two weeks, which is equivalent to stringing the knowledge of the whole book every two weeks. Repeat constantly, strengthen memory, and read the content of the text is the most comprehensive in the knowledge learned, and will not miss any knowledge points.
Second, in the process of reading the textbook, the system of mathematical knowledge is established, which is no longer to learn mathematics point by point, but to learn the structure of the mathematics textbook as a whole, and string the knowledge of a mathematics textbook together.
Of course, this method may not be suitable for all children, but based on my understanding of the child's personality characteristics, as well as his attitude towards mathematics and the current situation of learning mathematics. The targeted design of this study plan is effective for her, and it has had obvious results.
If there is a problem with the child's academic performance, the first thing is not to rush to the result, not to let the child brush the questions, not to force the child to improve his grades, but based on people, based on understanding the child's personality characteristics and way of thinking, attitude towards learning, to find a method that suits him.
If you do it right, the results will happen.
The core of vertical and horizontal thinking is to find the most suitable method for people with different personalities and different ideas, combined with specific events, so as to be effective.
There has never been a method that works for anyone, and never has a single person who can be effective with different methods. Only by finding the right approach for specific people can it be effective.
Different people and different things must be different, and the methods must be different.
From the bits and pieces of life, to the choice of a person's life direction, corporate employment, and national appointment, all need to consider personality factors.
Learn to adapt the methods and skills of adaptation, and when dealing with different things and solving different problems, you can use different ways to find matching methods for changing problems and different people's minds.