Here's what a reader wrote:
My wife and I are both working-class people, and our son is an only child. When my son was growing up, my wife and I had the greatest expectation for our son: to study hard and strive for a good job. In fact, my wife and I have always been proud of my son when he was in school and when he first started working, but I don't think so anymore.
When my son went to school, his academic performance was always among the best in our urban area, and after graduating from college, he stayed in school to become a university teacher. But the son's performance in filial piety in recent years can be described as indescribable.
The daughter-in-law and son have similar educational experiences, and their family backgrounds are relatively similar, and they are colleagues. When they were planning to get married, my wife and I took out all our savings and sold a courtyard house to help our son buy a house in the city where he worked (he needed a partial loan). Unexpectedly, in the years after his son got married, the number of times his son came home was only a handful, and even his daughter-in-law was in confinement, and his in-laws were serving.
Sometimes I miss my son very much, and I can only simply chat in **.
Although I can understand my son's busyness, my son either takes his wife and children to travel or goes to his parents-in-law's house every National Day and Spring Festival, and rarely bothers to come back to see me and my wife. At this time, it is inevitable that there will be some chills.
Now, my perception of raising children is rather pessimistic: raising children is a debt nowadays. For this reason, I now envy some of my colleagues: although their children do not do well in school and do not excel in their studies, they are always by their side when they join the workforce. On the other hand, my son, although he has a relatively glamorous job in a big city, cannot give us the least accompaniment. I don't even dare to think about what kind of life my wife and I will live when we are old, at least counting on my son to provide for us, which is a bit enough.
Mu Zi Li emotion**:
Hurting the small and not hurting the old is just an excuse for not being willing to dedicate filial piety; When children and parents are in two places for work reasons, it is also an excuse to not be able to go home often. For this reason, in this era, many children often present a white-eyed wolf posture in front of their parents, but parents have to find various reasons to educate themselves.
1. In the face of the attitude that children can't go home often, parents' self-enlightenment: children are busy at work.
Nowadays, transportation between cities is relatively convenient, so children cannot form a reason to go home often, or because of poor money, they care about all the expenses on the road; Or because in the minds of children, there are more important things to deal with than going home to see their parents. For example: traveling, visiting your lover's parents. Consider it mathematically about visiting your parents: if your parents are 50 years old now, you make sure to go home to see them at least once a year, leaving you with less than 50 times to see your parents. If you were so hasty that you erased the opportunity to go home to see your parents, wouldn't you think it would be cruel to your parents? At this time, your parents can't blame you, they can only use your busy work to excuse you.
Second, in the face of children unconsciously taking their parents to live with them, parents' self-enlightenment: even if the children are happy, the other party's lover may not be happy.
In our country, although there is a tradition of raising children to prevent old age, in the actual operation process, it will be found that there are too many children, even when their parents are old, they are unwilling to take their parents to their side. Children's concerns mainly include two aspects: they feel that they cannot live with their parents; I feel that my parents are a burden. In fact, for the elderly who have a pension, they are really not a burden, and even so, their children still turn them away. The core reason: children are not worried about the outflow of their parents' property, because Chinese parents will show an attitude of spring silkworms to the end of their children. If parents can show the consciousness of donating their property in the face of their children's unfilial piety, they may be able to change their children's attitudes towards their parents to some extent.
3. In the face of parents taking the initiative to hit their children, but their children are impatient on the other side, parents' self-enlightenment: or it is not the right time to call their children.
Parents sometimes miss their children when the appeal is very simple, through the way of chatting to see the appearance of their children, listen to the voice of their children, unfortunately, there are always some children in the chat with parents, will show a very impatient attitude. As a result, when parents miss their children, they will be driven by a submissive mentality, and they don't know whether they should communicate with their children. Remind all children: don't let your parents be too humble when they show their thoughts about you; Don't show your false filial piety as a sigh when recalling the past, but take advantage of your parents' health to express it with practical actions.
Fourth, in the case of clearly feeling the unfilial piety of their children, the self-enlightenment of parents: the life of children is not easy.
Whose life is easy? But parents can do a handful of and urine for their children; can do it even if you squeeze out time, you have to pick up and drop off your children to and from school; can do it, even if you save money, you have to take out the living expenses that your children need every month; It can be done, all the time, will let the children's emotions take precedence. It is not that parents deserve to do this, but that they are driven by the instinct to love their children, and parents are willing to bear these grievances for their children. It's just that when the children become adults and the parents are getting old, in the face of the children's disobedience, the parents have to help their children play a round in front of outsiders against their will: the children's life is not easy. I think of a more ironic sentence: There are a lot of filial sons on the Internet, but it's a pity that your parents don't go online. Therefore, filial piety must be implemented.
Many parents, in the process of their children's growth, often have such expectations: hope that their children can study hard and change their destiny through knowledge. Ironically, we often see the scene of people who usually have glamorous jobs and their parents have a relatively miserable old age. Because they have more decent jobs in big cities, because of the distance, they can't form a minimum of accompanying their parents. In fact, such embarrassment is easier to solve: in the neighborhood near the city where you live, buy a smaller house for your parents, or rent a house for your parents, so that you can see your parents often after work. Unfortunately, there are always people who are unwilling to show filial piety, and find too many reasons for themselves to be helpless at the level of honoring their parents.
In fact, there is not much that parents want from their children: they can often see their children's figures, hear their children's voices, and make parents feel involved in their children's lives. Finding no: Parents don't expect their children to do anything for themselves, they just want to get more thoughts from their children. For this reason, as a child, don't let your parents chill too much. In fact, after the children become parents, they should be able to feel the selflessness of their parents from their own efforts in their children. People live a lifetime, they need to pursue psychological balance, don't wait until after the death of their parents, because they failed to show at least filial piety, leaving too many regrets.
Editor's note: There are many elderly people now, when asked how to look at the question of raising children to prevent old age, they may answer like this: why should they expect their children to provide for the elderly? Minor illnesses are cured, major illnesses are dying. It seems that their attitude towards life is more optimistic, but they can't count on the helplessness of their children's pension. I believe that the real need of many elderly people must be that they hope that their children can always be by their side and listen to their nagging more patiently.
In fact, filial piety is also contagious, and those who show a more indifferent attitude in front of family affection will often infect your children with indifference between family affection. When the time comes, in the face of your children's unfilial piety, you may not be able to speak. Because when you complain that your children are white-eyed wolves, your children may choke you like this: I am just treating you the same way you treated your parents. For this reason, please do not lose the tradition of honoring the elderly.
*from the web, **unrelated).