Before I was 10 years old, I had no purpose in life, I didn't know what I wanted or what I liked. Like most people, I went through the process of getting employed, getting married, and having children as if this was the end of my life. After the age of ten, after I gave birth, I suddenly felt extremely anxious, accompanied by a feeling of helplessness, as if it was going to crush me. To alleviate this anxiety, I began to write constantly in my own space. This kind of writing ** made me feel part anxious. Of course, nothing has changed in my life, and although I have become a mother of two children and the mistress of the family, I still lack strength within myself.
I remember that year, I went to a training institution for an interview. The principal asked me something like, "Why did you give up your school job and become a stay-at-home mom?"I didn't know what to say. He later went on to add, "Because you are the most vulnerable person in the family, if your income is high enough for the other half to recognize your worth, then they will definitely not sacrifice you." Of course, your inner strength is also lacking, so I feel that you have no wolf nature and are not suitable for this unit with high competition pressure. Although his words were sharp, I began to reflect on yes, I used to feel that I was self-sacrificing, but now I feel that it is not so, but because I am the most worthless person at home. So deep down, I chose to go backwards. The answer is that after such a cruel marriage and childbirth, it is very difficult for women to continue their careers and dreams.
Looking back on the road I have traveled in the past ten years, the things I have written, the ** I have filmed, and the live broadcast experience are all derived from my inner choice and the power of true awakening. Yes, I am timid, cowardly, and uncompetitive;I'm lazy, docile, and not wolfish. So during these ten years, I didn't pursue anything else, I just tried to be myself, trying to face my fears and laziness. To do this, I did a few things.
I kept writing for seven years. I started writing in 2017, when it wasn't really a creative thing, it was just a way of self-expression. Now it seems to be more like an emotional catharsis. Most of the content written is wind and snow and the moon and the like. Occasionally, a short poem or story will be written. When I look back and read those words, I really feel a little pretentious. But I know that these immature, clumsy words are also a part of my life. Without this primal passion, there would not have been these seven years of creation.
I've shot a lot of ** over the past year. At the end of 2019, my submission career was under great threat, and the mask outbreak caused many platforms to tighten their submission requirements, and my income dropped sharply. In response to this, I started updating content daily on my account. However, after eight months of daily changes, he has never been able to increase his followers, and his income is also very limited. During that time, I was very helpless, on the one hand, the pressure of life, and on the other hand, the high-intensity output every day, which made me feel broken. At that moment, I cried and didn't know what to do next, I didn't know how to maintain my account......Personal, computer, heaven and earth are written. In order to adjust the status, I stopped updating for a month, then re-updated and tried to do ** shooting. When I first started facing the camera, I was always red-faced, and I didn't know what to say next, and I didn't know how to end it. So I wrote down my opinions and copywriting, read and memorized them repeatedly, and continued to practice, insisting on updating two ** every day, and slowly I found that my expression skills became more and more natural, and I was no longer deliberately nervous when I spoke. It turned out that ** attracts people's attention more than words, my account began to increase fans, and the platform's income gradually increased. I've updated more than 2,000 articles this year**, I used to be scared to stutter when facing the camera, but now I don't feel scared even if I say ten in one tone. I like to express, whether it is text or **, it is a way to express, and it is also a window for others to understand me. It's easier to start than to think about it 10,000 times than to practice it yourself, and it's really hard to persevere.
In the last two years, I've been doing live streaming, but I'm not good at it, and the key point may be that I didn't get good results because I didn't stick to it every day, but I'm going to keep going and find a better way. Similar to shooting**, you need to overcome your inner fear in the early stage in order to do a good job of live broadcasting, I remember that when I first started broadcasting**, there was no one to interact for more than ten minutes, and I would become very flustered, and even wanted to turn off the live channel immediately, and then after the live broadcast, the number of viewers gradually increased, and the interactive topics became richer, usually I can tell more than an hour of content in a row, and sometimes I will interact with the microphone and answer the audience, and the time will pass quickly. Most of the onlookers will encounter emotional confusion, if they really need to be consulted, then they will quickly contact me, this is an intuitive and accurate way to solve the process, constantly break through myself, keep trying, let me become more and more powerful, know what I want, what I should do and how to do it, when I really start to do something, I will block out the voice of the outside world, try to create a new state, my husband will say, "Don't be so tired, now the income is already very high", parents will say, "Women, don't work so hard, you still have to rely on men, make money" But I know it's not just about making money, it's about my inner choice, trying to break through that panicked and inferior self, trying to let go of that self who only dares not break through and don't dare to do it, listen to what others say, when I look back on the past one day, I can laugh and talk to my grandchildren about how cool my grandmother was when I was younger, it will be a thing to be thankful for?