chatting with my best friend**, during which she told such an incident: Recently, I found out several times that my son started beating me, and I said why did you hit my mother, I don't know if my mother will hurt? He didn't even look at me and said, didn't he often beat me like this before? You know, at that moment, I suddenly realized that beating my mother was just a trivial thing in his opinion.
Then the best friend smiled and said how she governed her son's process, knowing that her son realized that it was wrong to beat his mother. "I found that many of our children's bad habits are the result of our indulgence. Just like my son used to beat me, I never stopped it, and even sometimes I would fight with him. This behavior invisibly tells the child that it is okay to hit the mother. ”
Parents like girlfriends are not uncommon in life. I remember seeing a ** before, a mother knelt in front of her son, and the son was holding a mobile phone, crossing Erlang's legs, and his face didn't matter. The purpose of the mother kneeling down for her son is just to let him go to school. However, in the eyes of children, such a move does not feel that there is anything wrong, and even becomes the capital to show off on Moments.
Seeing the child become like this, I think this mother has also asked herself "why" countless times, right? Yes, why do good children become unkind, unreasonable, and disrespectful to their parents? The answer lies in the parents!
When her best friend found out that her son looked indifferent after beating her, she reflected that it was because of her usual connivance with her son that led to such a result. Fortunately, her son's young age can "lead the child to the right path" in time. But the boy who turned a blind eye to his mother's kneeling was already a teenager, and there was already a certain difficulty in guiding his behavior.
The French educator Rousseau said: "Do you know what methods can be used to make your children unfortunate? That's to be obedient to him."
We can't see what the future of that teenager will look like for the time being, but according to the way the mother raises children, the future of the teenager will not be bright.
Therefore, it only takes one trick to destroy the child, and that is to be obedient to him!
Why do you have to be obedient to your child"? When I saw this question, I didn't know how many parents could seriously think about it and get an answer. Although I am not a mother who is obedient to her children now, my past experience and the cases around me still summarize the following reasons:
Reason 1: Excessive concern.
Parents love their children and hope that we can do our best to give their children a free and happy life. However, there are always some parents who care and love their children excessively, and any conditions put forward must be met in exchange for the happiness of their children.
Reason 2: Guilt.
Sister Wang, a neighbor, is a strong woman in a shopping mall, and she often runs around the country, because her husband divorces him. After marriage, Sister Wang took her daughter alone, and felt indebted to her daughter, which caused her to be unable to have a complete home and get complete love, so she was obedient to her children. Basically, whatever the requirements, they will be met. Sometimes children want more gifts than they can afford, grit their teeth, and buy them.
Sister Wang's 10-year-old daughter already has the latest version of the Apple mobile phone and tablet, and even the food she usually eats must be a brand. A month's pocket money will cost thousands of dollars before going to elementary school!
Reason 3: peace of mind.
When I went to the clothing store last week to try on clothes, I found the owner's daughter by her mother's side and muttered, "Mommy show me, show me". Xu had a lot of customers, and the owner was too busy, so he gave his mobile phone to his child. When the little guy got the phone, he immediately changed his appearance and went to the small bench to play happily.
I have found that many parents have such a situation, afraid that their children will annoy themselves, so they meet their children's requirements, which can be easier to manage and will also make themselves worry-free.
However, for these reasons, is it the result of being obedient to the child and raising an obedient, excellent child? The answer is no, because Rousseau said that this would only raise unfortunate children. They will not be obedient, but will increase their demands, and constantly challenge the bottom line of parents in order to achieve their goals.
As the saying goes, "A loving mother has many defeated children". Aren't parents who unconditionally meet their children's requirements such "loving mothers"? Obeying each other will only deepen the "harm" to children.
Japanese writer Kotaro Isaka wrote a sentence in "A Serenade": "The thought of being a parent without having to go through an exam makes me feel terrible."
Yes, the bottomless connivance of parents gives their children harm, not love. What is the best love for a child? The following content may give you some inspiration.
Number one: Maintain a sense of boundaries with your child.
Throughout the many cases of "loving mothers and many defeated children", most of them are parents who are too spoiled and do not know how to establish a sense of boundary with their children. No matter how much you love your child, you must have a clear awareness: the child needs to have reverence for his parents.
Professor Li Meijin said: In the process of growing up, children not only need love, but also need to form a certain sense of awe. If they don't have reverence for their parents, how can they have reverence and respect for others? As a result, many mistakes can be made as a result, so maintaining a sense of boundaries with your child and giving them freedom is also a form of protection.
The second point: establish rules.
There is a saying that "there are no rules, there is no circle", whether it is a family or a society, there must be clear rules where there are people. Let your child know what to do and what not to do. When they break the rules, there are consequences.
Tips: This is not to bind children, but to let them get a better education and become better people within the rules.
The third point: full respect and effective communication.
The fundamental reason why I can't be a "compliant" mother is that I think it is disrespectful to my children to satisfy them unconditionally. From the moment they are born, they are already independent beings, not appendages of us. As parents, we should not condone our children without a bottom line in order to satisfy our "good parents" mentality, and let him bear the consequences of making mistakes.
Tips: In the process of getting along with children, you should give them full respect and communicate effectively with them, so that children can know which behaviors are inappropriate and how to correct them better.
In the early hours of the morning, my mother came to chatter:
Within the rules and boundaries, giving children full respect and guidance is the right love, the best love. Family is the first school where children grow up, and what parents do is crucial to their future!
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