Recently,Zhang, a female teacher at a middle school in Shanghai, "was reported by her husband for cheating on a 16-year-old male student by her real name".The news sparked heated public debate. It is reported that Zhang's husband posted more than a dozen pages of explicit chat records in multiple groups as evidence, accusing his wife of having an improper relationship with a minor student.
When the screenshot of the chat went viral on the Internet, a large number of people poured into the comment area to eat melons, ridicule, and ask for chat records and**, after seeing the female teacher's **, some people felt that this male high school student was quite blessed, and even envied him for meeting such a beautiful teacher who was willing to "teach by word and deed" in high school.
Behind this chaos is a reflection of social stereotypes.
On the one hand, people are accustomed to seeing women as "sexual resources", while men are naturally regarded as "hunters" of sexual resources.
On the other hand, there is a long-standing stereotype that men do not suffer when it comes to sex.
But when you peel off the coat of "lace news", what you see is:A married woman, a teacher who teaches and educates people, knows that the other party is underage, and uses her position to seduce and tease without morality, so that an underage boy falls into the misplaced relationship of "teacher-student love".
Put yourself in the position of the boy's parents, I don't know how sad it should be.
It is no exaggeration to say that if this matter is not discovered by others, the boy is likely to get lost in an immoral relationship, and not only will his academic career be affected, but his outlook on love and marriage may also become deformed.
With so much at stake, so high at stake, so serious at stake, why do teachers and students have to toss like this?
Today, let's combine this story to talk about the psychological motivations, existing problems and parents' coping methods behind the "teacher-student love".
The psychological motivation behind the "teacher-student love".
According to common sense, even if teachers love their students no matter how much they love them, they will avoid suspicion because of their profession, so why do some teachers risk being fired and develop romances with students?
Some netizens said that maybe this student is a second-generation official or a rich second-generation - this reason is too loophole logically, because it is the student's parents who hold the resources, and if the parents find out, this is simply a gamble that will ruin their reputation.
Therefore, I am more inclined to attribute this behavior of this female teacher to the following three psychology:
One is that desire dictates to be stimulating. Teacher-student love is a taboo, and breaking the taboo itself will bring people a sense of excitement, which will only be greater for people who have been living according to the rules;
The second is that they are frustrated in their marriage and their emotional needs are not met. For example, if she has no relationship with her partner, has a bad relationship or has a discordant sex life, then her students can meet some of her needs and make her feel emotionally supported;
The third is the sense of superiority that comes with enjoying power and control. In this teacher-student relationship, the female teacher only needs a little guidance to manipulate the other party's emotions and easily gain the boy's favor and love. At this time, the female teacher enjoys not only sex and love, but also the pleasure brought by absolute control, which is not a manifestation of all-powerful narcissism.
This also explains why the female teacher in the screenshot would run to the male student she liked to cry and stop others from having a relationship, because it broke her sense of control.
And what about male students?
On the one hand, the life of worry-free food and clothing allows their physical development to advance, and the online world allows them to access a wider range of information.
On the other hand, adolescents who have entered the "psychological weaning period" begin to have a high sense of self, and often feel that the people around them do not understand them enough, but they have a strong interest in the opposite sex.
If there is a mature person of the opposite sex who is gentle, beautiful, talented and charismatic at this time, and is willing to understand and respect them, and provide them with care and support, this may make the teenager subconsciously have a hazy emotion of attachment and adoration for each other, which will lead to the occurrence of teacher-student love.
Why is it difficult to say that the teacher-student relationship is "two loves"?
The biggest problem with teacher-student relationships is that we can't be sure to what extent the two parties are consensual and how coercedBecause they have multiple relationships, and the teacher-student relationship with unequal power will inevitably affect the way the two get along in an intimate relationship.
Photo source The movie "Teacher! Can I like you? The multiple relationships mentioned here can actually be compared to the multiple relationships in psychological counseling - if the counselor develops an intimate relationship with the client or the client's family during the counseling process, this is not in line with the code of ethics for counseling.
Even if the behavior occurs three years after the end of the counseling relationship, the counselor should carefully examine the nature of the relationshipEnsure that there is no possibility of exploitation, control and exploitation
The relationship between teachers and students still needs to be so regulated, let alone the relationship between teachers and students, whose status is already unequal.
Photo source The movie "Teacher! Can I like you? 》The education system empowers teachers, from homework correction and grade evaluation, to graduation certificates and research recommendations, which are the most realistic inequalities between teachers and students.
In addition, teachers' life experience, knowledge accumulation, and academic achievements also bring about inequality in discourse, which allows teachers to strategically shape their image in the minds of students and take the lead in teacher-student interactions.
Power is the best**, and power is also the heaviest shackles.
When you are in a power relationship, it will be difficult for you to discern your true heart, because power is a natural advantage, and it can create a psychological halo effect, disguising unlove as love.
Photo source The Japanese drama "The Witch's Condition" Judging from these problems alone, it is necessary for us to be more cautious about "teacher-student love", instead of just shouting "freedom of love".
A student who faces a teacher will not be free;
A teacher who faces students cannot guarantee that he will not abuse his power.
Because the teacher is facing the whole class, or even the whole grade of students, when she develops a relationship with a student, it is difficult to guarantee that she will not use the public for personal gain, do something unfair, harm the interests of other students, and hinder the implementation of educational fairness.
At the end of the day, banning teacher-student relationships doesn't prevent people from falling in love freely, and if it's true love, it's okay to wait until the teacher-student relationship is over before starting a relationship.
Under the guise of "mutual affection", seducing minors with a mixture of desire and power is essentially satisfying their own selfish desires.
How do parents deal with their children's love for teachers?
Although the probability of teacher-student love is not high, the torture experienced by any teenager who encounters this kind of thing is multiplied.
is like Eric, a male high school student in the American drama "Teacher's Love", because he has a mutual affection for a female teacher, he starts a relationship that is not visible.
Image source The last relationship of the American drama "Teacher's Love" was **, the female teacher's family was broken, and she was not allowed to set foot in the education industry for the rest of her life;
Eric is also mired in extreme shame and pain due to outside gossip, not only suffering from depression, but also never being able to have a healthy intimate relationship.
Many years later, when the two met, the female teacher thought that the students would remember her tenderness, but who knew that Eric, who was already an adult, asked her angrily: "Why did you do that to me back then?" I was a kid at the time! ”
A sentence of regret may be the final outcome of all runaway teacher-student love.
Photo source Movie "Piano Teacher" So, if a child who is not deeply involved in the world really falls into an infatuation with a certain teacher, what should parents do?
First of all, we need to understand the emotions as people who have come before.
In the student years, everyone will meet a few people who seem to be "shining", they may be knowledgeable, outstanding, and charismatic, and teachers are often more likely to become the ideal projection objects of students by virtue of their experience and knowledge.
This youthful and hazy emotion is very similar to the feeling of being in love, and it may actually be oneUnconscious empathy- Because of the teacher's gentleness and understanding, students may transfer their past feelings for other people to the teacher's body and mistakenly think that love has arisen.
Photo source The movie "Summer That Can't Be Said".Second, teach children to validate and digest their emotions.
Adolescent children have some kind of attachment, admiration, and even sexual fantasies to teachers, which are normal, and parents should guide their children to face them with a normal heart, rather than shame, depression and self-blame.
At the same time, children can be allowed to understand and evaluate the teacher more comprehensively, everyone has a side and shortcomings, maybe the child only sees the most idealistic side of the other.
Finally, evaluate the impact of this affection on the child's learning and life.
If necessary, you can talk to the teacher and express your concerns.
You can also find a counselor for your child, and with the help of the counselor, let your child gradually understand his emotions and make the most appropriate decision.
Part of the source of the network.