Take advantage of the winter vacation to share a book with the whole family, so that children can "meet their parents"; Relatives and friends gather around to share stories of strength in the family, so that children can "see their families"; Interact with more people on the journey and let your child "see the world".
Text |Zhu Yu edited by Qin Liudi.
On February 1, 2024, in Yinchuan, parents accompanied their children to read in the Ningxia Library.
When the winter vacation comes, the children are happy, but many parents are beginning to make difficulties: they hope that their children can breathe a breath from the heavy schoolwork, but they are also worried that playing too much will affect their learning.
Winter and summer vacations are nature's gifts to children. The seasons rotate, and on the coldest and hottest days, children return home from school with more opportunities to interact with their parents; Skip the day-to-day class schedule and have more free time.
In order to allow children to have richer experiences, broader horizons, and more active thinking, parents often say that they should take advantage of the holidays to take their children to "see the world". Have you ever wondered what it means to see the world? Is it to walk through famous mountains and rivers, visit world-famous universities, and explore humanities exhibition halls? Or do you want to check in the luxury restaurants and hotels, and the various merchandise stores?
The answer may not be what you think.
On January 25, 2024, during the winter vacation, children practiced skiing at the Dingziwan Jinshan Ski Resort in Jinkou Town, Jimo District, Qingdao City, Shandong Province.
Everyone is "the face of the world".
Seeing the world is not about how many roads you have traveled or how many toys you have, but whether your mental model is diverse or single.
Mental models are deeply rooted in our minds about ourselves, others, and the world, and are deeply limited by habitual thinking, fixed thinking, and existing knowledge. In other words, we know the world based on the mental model we have. Therefore, by building a more diverse mental model, people can break through their limitations to a greater extent.
Just like letting AI learn more dimensional data, the more accurate the answers it will give, and the more mental models people have, the more mature their ways of dealing with problems.
Zhuangzi said: My life has an end, and there is no end to knowledge. Everyone's knowledge and energy are limited, and we learn a diverse mental model from **?
The answer is: from others.
Reading the biographies of celebrities, it is not difficult to find that those who have achieved success in their careers and made outstanding contributions to society from ancient times to the present have a common characteristic in their life experiences - growing up in a complex social environment. From childhood, they have been dealing with a wide variety of people, which has laid a rich mental foundation for them to deal with difficult problems and face complex situations in adulthood.
Human beings are social creatures, and they are influenced by the people around them all the time. This phenomenon is known in psychology as "social influence" and refers to any type of influence in interpersonal interactions that may change people's words, actions, attitudes, and beliefs. Many social psychology experiments have proved this conclusion from different angles.
The more people you deal with, the more mental models you learn, and the more ways you can deal with problems and difficulties in life, which is the real growth that parents hope to bring to their children by seeing the world.
Therefore, seeing the world lies in seeing people, and everyone is a "world".
So, for parents, how to take their children to see the world during the winter holidays?
See parents. The mother of second-grader Han Han is distressed. She said that in addition to eating, drinking, and lazing, there seems to be a lack of topics to communicate with children. By chance, she learned that her child had been criticized by a teacher at school last month, and the child had been sad about it for a long time, but never mentioned it. Faced with Hanhan, who was reluctant to confide in his heart, his parents were both worried and frustrated: this child, who used to talk to him about everything, seemed to be becoming more and more strange, and was unwilling to ask for help from his closest family members when he encountered difficulties.
When children enter primary school, their interpersonal relationships and learning environment are more complex than in kindergarten, and the difficulties they face escalate. In addition to caring about their children's learning, parents still have emotional communication with their children in the early childhood stage, and sweet words such as "baby, I love you" can no longer attract children, and even daily care - what do you eat at school? Cold or not? Do you like this dress? ——It was gradually perfunctory by the child.
The stagnation of communication makes children feel that their parents have become strange and difficult to trust, and children have lost such an opportunity to grow.
In fact, when children encounter problems, it is a good opportunity for parents to help children establish a pluralistic mental model, whether it is to be the Zhuge Liang behind the children, to analyze the problem, to give the child ideas, or to demonstrate to solve the problem, can bring the child valuable experience in growth.
Parent-child communication needs to be continuous, and the dialogue method should also be in line with the child's growth stage, parents can start with the children's favorite reading materials, and use books as a bridge to communicate with the children.
During this winter break, parents can read a book with their children – it doesn't matter what you read, it's the parent-child communication after reading. If parents don't have so much time, even if they learn about the summary and evaluation of this book from the Internet, as long as they can share their opinions and feelings with their children on the issues in the book, they are rebuilding the parent-child communication channel, and they are rebuilding their children's understanding and trust in their parents.
*-style parent-child reading allows children to understand their parents, and also gives parents the opportunity to help their children build a rich mental model.
See family. During the Chinese New Year, family gatherings are also a good time to bring your children to the world. In addition to eating New Year's dinner, watching the Spring Festival Gala, and playing mahjong, you might as well add another activity - talk about those impressive people and things in the family.
Blood is thicker than water, and the family reunited for the New Year has the same bloodline, and those shining people and things in the family can provide the most real strength for the children - what the elders who have the same blood as me can do, I will definitely be able to do it!
Xiaoyu's elders rarely talk about their past. One year at Chinese New Year's Eve, Xiaoyu asked his grandfather to tell the story of his youth, and his grandfather waved his hand: "That's all in the past, there's nothing to tell." With the repeated encouragement of his family, Grandpa told the stories that had been sealed for more than 60 years.
It wasn't until then that Xiaoyu knew that her grandfather had signed up for night school while working and raising three children. At that time, transportation was difficult, and my grandfather rode his bicycle to school for five or six hours every Friday, and then left for work in the early hours of the following Monday. After persevering like this for two years, my grandfather broke two bicycles.
After listening to her grandfather's story, Xiaoyu sighed with emotion. She has always felt that she has no perseverance, she was playful and did not study seriously when she was a student, if she had known her grandfather's story earlier, she might have been able to mobilize the persistence of knowledge and the tenacity of fighting with life that she had in her blood. Later, whenever Xiaoyu encountered difficulties at work, the scene of her grandfather riding a bicycle to school in the stars and moon would come to mind, and she used her grandfather's strength to cheer herself up.
From her grandfather's story, Xiaoyu has gained a mental model of facing difficulties and rising to the occasion, and the impact of family stories on children is better than the unattainable biographies of celebrities.
See the world. The ancients said that it is better to travel thousands of miles than to read thousands of books. Contemporary parents are also very willing to spend money on traveling with their children, but there is no shortage of complaints: when they come back with their children after playing a circle, the money is also spent, and the children still don't appreciate it, feel very bored, and don't play anything.
Jiajia in the third grade is like this, he wants to write an essay on the title of "I Have a Good Time Today", but he can't write a word of scratching his ears and cheeks, and he is extremely firm that he has not had a happy time. Jiajia's mother couldn't help but laugh when she heard this: "I only took you back from a trip last week, and you had so much fun outside!" ”
Traveling is a very good parent-child activity, but if it is only to learn about places of interest, high-quality documentaries should be more cost-effective, with detailed and comprehensive explanations, and can also invite top experts to interpret them.
What valuable experiences should we bring to our children during our journey?
Throughout history, from Li Bai to Su Shi to Marco Polo, those writers who have traveled all over the country and even the world, leaving behind their masterpieces, their masterpieces have been passed down through the ages because of the moving stories and deep friendship behind them. These people, who seem to be at ease and aimlessly traveling all over the world, are actually making friends and dealing with all kinds of people on the way.
To travel thousands of miles is to see a hundred kinds of people.
During the journey, we will meet people from all over the country and even the world, both locals and "travelers" who are also on the road. Going to a local restaurant to eat, chatting with the owner and waiter, asking local diners about local food and pleasures, and obtaining "first-hand information" about travel can all help children train their ability to have conversations with different people, and children's mental models are constantly expanding and upgrading in such social interactions.
Compared with the summer vacation, the winter vacation is different in that it includes the Spring Festival for family reunion. Parents who are busy on weekdays can finally accompany their children wholeheartedly this holiday season. Such a lively and warm holiday, in addition to rest, New Year's greetings, and reunion, is also a good time to take children to see the world.
Take advantage of the winter vacation to share a book with the whole family, so that children can "meet their parents"; Relatives and friends gather around to share stories of strength in the family, so that children can "see their families"; Interact with more people on the journey and let your child "see the world". Helping children to establish a rich mental model through contact with all kinds of people, resolve troubles from a more dimensional perspective, solve problems in a more flexible way, and see every side of the world with a broader heart, this is the benefit of "seeing the world".
The author is a national ** psychological counselor and family education practitioner).