Recently, I have seen a topic that many people are concerned about: What are the benefits of marriage? Accounts differ and opinions vary. Each has its own happiness. However, I saw another opinion and voice in the comment section of this topic: disappointment, anger, sadness. The simple text has a mood that is more than heart-dead. Every sentence is talking about marriage, but every word is painful. There are even some people who find it difficult to complain, but calmly tell about the past and the current situation of life and marriage that seem to have nothing to do with them. And in the current situation of all this, we all think of one word: widowed marriage.
One: Widowed marriage:
It refers to the description of an unhappy marriage, where both husband and wife or one party treat each other indifferently, ignore the needs of the family, and evade family responsibilities and obligations. The various needs of the family and one of the spouses are always left unmet. Most of the manifestations are emotional antagonism and inability to communicate. Both sides are stuffy in their hearts when they encounter anything, and they are reluctant to say it. The other party is too lazy to ask, let alone take the initiative to understand and explain comfort. One of them wanted to have a good talk, but because of his disappointment, anger and hostility, he always spoke hurtfully, so he felt unreasonable, and ended up in a big fight, falling into an indefinite cold war.
The causes of widowhood are generally in the following categories:
1. The three views are inconsistent, and the personality is not harmonious. This is the fatal wound in marriage, and it is the basic condition for widowhood marriage caused by long-term quarrels. The views on things are very stubborn because of the different values. Although I had the purpose of being good for the family, I went to talk about quarreling, but after a long time, I couldn't change the other party, and I was slowly disappointed. Don't pay attention to each other anymore.
2. Family responsibilities are not evenly distributed. At first, both sides were willing to pay more. No matter how much you pay, the other party does not give positive feedback, but takes it for granted. As long as the party who pays more pays a little less than before, the other party begins to complain, so the marriage and family begin to rot.
3. Life and work are not coordinated. Many people will subconsciously distinguish between family life and work. If you care about life, you forget about work, and if you work hard, you ignore life. I can't see my other half all day long, and I can't say two words.
4. Unable to adapt to the emotional downturn. The lack of enthusiasm and romance between the husband and wife makes life boring. Gradually become less concerned about the other person. Even because of a little thing, the cold war lasted for ten days and a half months.
In conclusion, widowhood marriages can be caused by a variety of reasons, but here are just a few of the most common ones. The family should be run by both husband and wife, and only by finding problems and solving problems can a good family be built. Many people are aware of the pain of this widowed marriage, but they can still go on. But there is another marriage state that is more terrible than widowed marriage, that is: it is not good to live without. Mental internal friction has led to a very painful marital state for both husband and wife. I call it the marriage grave.
Two: You can't get away from a bad marital state
, which is expressed in the following ways
There are no common family goals, no communication, no common interests, just endless quarrels. There is no respect and tolerance, no longer caring for each other, no longer being considerate of each other, husband and wife are no longer husband and wife, and they have begun to become enemies. Any communication is an aggressive bayonet. I want to pierce each other's hearts. Cold violence and physical violence accompany the appearance, which always makes one of the spouses mentally and physically tormented. Wash your face with tears every day, and live better than death. One day is like ten years, and when it comes to marriage, it is despair. As a result, the individual's heart is greatly traumatized, and the individual's personality is greatly affected.
A widowed marriage can also be a temporary peace of mind when lying down, but this state is endless suffering. It may be that the widowed marriage has been in existence for a long time, and the emotional consumption is gone. One of the spouses did not compensate for the sudden and great harm caused to the family. Or the long-term accumulation of problems in the family has not been positively resolved, etc. The specific reasons for the collection of the following are inseparable.
2. Specific reasons:
a. Children's issues: Ten people who want to divorce are worried that their children will be traumatized by divorce between adults. Worry about the negative impact on your children. Let children have low self-esteem and no self-confidence, suffer from classmates pointing fingers, etc. Therefore, many people choose to divorce after their children can be independent and have a certain degree of inner resistance, such as the divorce wave after high school graduation.
b. Economic disputes: First, many people are worried that they will not have enough financial income to live independently after divorce. It's very slim about this, and I can only bear this painful marital state. The second is that the joint property of the husband and wife is unevenly divided because one party plays tricks, and the fair and reasonable share is obtained.
c. Legal issues: I found that some people are thieves. Obviously causing great harm to the other party. It is very painful for the other party to be in dire straits. On the contrary, he is ashamed to say that he loves each other very much and cannot lose each other. When Bo was in court, he resolutely refused to agree to the divorce, and the divorce procedure became complicated, resulting in inseparability.
d. Social problems: Fear of being discriminated against and criticized by society and family. It will affect the career and cause the career development to be hindered.
e, relationship problems: it is possible that one party is still in love with the other party, and when the divorce is filed, it is even threatened to die or live. Use all kinds of means to force the other party to accept this marital status. Or maybe it's a scoundrel. Lost a person who is a good bully and can bring the best benefits to his marriage. How could it be spared.
This is indeed a marriage that makes people feel hopeless and painful, and relatives and friends around them always ask them to calm down first, think seriously about the problem before solving it. There are even emotional experts who recommend communicating calmly and honestly to express your feelings and needs. Try to solve it. If this works, it won't come to this point. So my personal opinion is to hell with these ways.
3. Solution
I support-for-tat, violence against violence. People are good at being bullied, and horses are good at being ridden. But it is also necessary for individuals to stabilize their inner state first, reduce despair and pain, and maintain a positive, optimistic and positive energy towards life. If you are unable to divorce for the time being due to the above reasons and want to live a good life, you can also consider seeking help from a professional marriage counselor. One is to spend money to find a professional marriage counseling studio, and the other is to find a local ** with free guidance.
Summary:
Whether it is a widowed marriage or a bad marital state, if you can save it, you can save it, but you can't save it. Deal with it immediately, don't delay. The more you put it on, the more painful it is for yourself. Family is not your own, nor is it your responsibility and obligation alone. It's not that a person can run a good business by working very hard and giving his best. Don't worry about the future, because there's no worse life than your current state. Leaving a marriage that cannot be solved and is very painful will be a new life, and there will be more beautiful futures.
Emotional marriage