When we're about to go to an event or give a speech, many of us can't help but feel nervous.
So, if the thought of a social occasion makes you feel anxious, you're not alone. They may seem difficult to navigate, but with regular practice and mindset changes, you can definitely improve your social skills.
If you want to be less nervous in your conversation and talk better to others, we have suggestions and tips for you.
Remembering a few icebreakers can help you avoid awkward moments.
Make a list of different situations – such as a party, work, or date – and write down different conversation beginnings for everyone to remember.
By being prepared, you can get off to a good start and reduce the likelihood of being caught off guard or falling into a dead end. You'll be ready to go, not exhausted thinking about what to say.
For example, you could write "What brought you here?" on your party list. Or "I like your clothes, you bought them from?" Or, "How did you know him?" ”
On your work list, you can write: "What projects have you been working on lately?" Or "What department do you work in?" Or, "What do you enjoy most about working here?" ”
Don't feel like you have to be very smart or profound. Sometimes, simple is better – after all, the beginning of the conversation is just a warm-up.
When you start to have a conversation that becomes more comfortable, you can stop using the lines you remember, and become more spontaneous, such as using the situation or person in front of you as inspiration.
Open-ended questions will prompt longer answers.
Rather than asking "yes" or "no" questions, which can lead to short answers and awkward silences, asking open-ended questions can help keep the conversation going.
People love to talk about themselves and tell stories, so asking open-ended questions will not only help you learn more about your conversation partner, but it will also make the conversation go more smoothly.
For example, don't ask "Are you traveling this summer?" Instead, try to ask, "What would your ideal summer vacation look like?" ”
You can also ask follow-up questions to show your ongoing interest in the conversation and even include information about yourself. For example, don't just reply with "Cool! Or "I see!" And try to say: "I would love to go to Paris too!" What are your top priorities? ”
Show the other person that you are focused on them.
Don't think about what you're going to say, but give your full attention to what the other person is saying. There are many different active listening strategies, but you can start by retelling or summarizing what they said, labeling their emotions, and validating them. Since you've built a rapport and trust, the other person will be more willing to continue talking and sharing information with you.
For example, by answering "Let me make sure I understand this correctly......Or, "So it sounds like ......."to explain what they said.
By saying, "It seems like this is really stressing you out......to label their emotions, or provide validation by saying, "I really appreciate your willingness to share this with me."
Complimenting someone shows them that you are kind and likable. By expressing appreciation for your conversation partner, you can create a more positive atmosphere, which can improve the communication process. It's best to give specific compliments, which shows that you really know the other person and that your compliments are genuine. [5]
For example, if you're at work tell your colleagues that their presentation is doing well, or that they've handled stressful situations with impressive problem-solving skills.
Tell someone that they have good taste in ** or that they are good at making you laugh.
Try to avoid over-compliments – this can come across as insincere or exaggerated.
It may seem overly simple, but it can feel special.
People like to be remembered, and if you don't have to ask them to repeat their name, they'll be happier and more willing to connect with you. To you, they're not just another face in the crowd, but someone you really want to meet.
If you're having trouble remembering names, try repeating them as often as you can. For example, mention their name multiple times in the initial interaction and make sure you note the pronunciation as well.
Associating their names with unique facial features makes them even more memorable, such as "Zhang San with a cool diaphragm piercing."
Make a great impression with a warm tone.
Convey the message to your conversation partner that you are relaxed and having a good time. While what you say is important, the way you speak is just as influential in improving the flow of the conversation;
You don't want to make yourself sound nervous or stressed. By improving your presentation, you can make the conversation more open and natural.
Even if you don't feel completely relaxed, you can still show confidence through your tone. The more you practice, the more comfortable you'll feel.
Other ways to improve your vocal skills and show confidence include adjusting your pace (in other words, slowing down to make your speech more impactful) and replacing long words with short words.
You can rehearse ahead of time to simulate the situation so that you are ready for a real conversation.
Body language can create a more positive impression.
It is part of non-verbal communication, is often just as important in social situations, and includes a wide range of content, from facial expressions to gestures. Paying attention to your body language during a conversation and adjusting accordingly can help you show that you are listening and are interested in the conversation.
Some ways to improve body language are to maintain good posture and maintain proper eye contact.
You can also use gestures like pointing and shrugging.
Learn how to navigate the conversation.
Although it is often difficult to speak your own words, integrating yourself into a group conversation will provide you with valuable experience. Accept the fact that group conversations can be unyielding and confusing, go with the flow, and intervene as much as possible.
If you can't finish an idea or story, try to let it go and move on to the next topic with the rest of the group.
Along the way, you'll also practice monitoring your emotions more, such as how you react when someone starts talking about you.
Some other tips for speaking in small groups include keeping stories short and speaking out loud and confident.
Trying new things allows you to talk to more people.
Join a local club, take a class, or meet someone you know but aren't friends yet (like a colleague!). Contact. It may feel like a big step out of your comfort zone, but the more you challenge yourself to get out there, the more chances you have to make friends.
At work, you can ask people if they want to have a cup of coffee, or suggest a drink after work.
If you move to a new location, sign up for a local painting class at the library or volunteer on the weekends.
This can help you do some practice before the event.
If you're not ready to deal with spontaneous conversations, you can get more practice by acting out in a structured environment first. Recruit a friend, family member, or professional and cover all the scenarios you are worried about until you feel more confident in your skills.
The great thing about role-playing is that if you mess up or stumble, you can go back and try again.
You can practice whatever you want in role-playing! For example, you can practice starting or ending a conversation, jumping into a group conversation, or changing the subject.
You can also design different scenes, such as workplaces or dinner parties.
Recognizing and regulating emotions can help you navigate conversations.
Self-awareness means that you know how your emotions play out in various situations. Once you have this information, you'll be able to respond in the right way at the right time. This can help you anticipate and overcome social difficulties.
For example, you may be angry if someone talks about you that causes you to lash out or blurt out something inappropriate. However, if you can better recognize this tendency, you will be able to cope with it by calming yourself down.
Or, if you anticipate that a lot of people might talk about you, you can decide to leave to prevent you from having a bad reaction.
One way to develop self-awareness is to keep a journal so you can get to know yourself better.
Get out of your own head and think about other people's feelings.
The more you agree with other people, the more you'll be able to respond socially because you understand their thoughts, such as whether they feel comfortable or anxious.
Empathy can also help you better understand how someone reacts to a particular situation. So, if you have empathy, you'll be able to understand which way is best for communicating your ideas or dealing with conflicts.
Empathy can be important in the workplace, such as when you need to understand how your colleagues are feeling or how to manage team projects.
One exercise to build empathy is to think about someone's emotional response. For example, if your partner has been feeling sad recently, ask them what they may be going through instead of taking their emotional state for granted. Are you having trouble working? Is there something personal going on?
You can also practice empathy in conversations. Focus as much attention as possible on the other person and nod your head in understanding. Repeat their words in your own words, or ask questions to make sure you understand exactly what they are saying.
Challenge your negative thoughts to reduce your anxiety.
If you're dealing with social anxiety, studying your inner thoughts can help you feel less overwhelmed with social skills.
Don't default to the worst-case scenario or assume you're going to mess up, realize that the situation is not set in stone and you can definitely do well or improve on what you did last time.
For example, if you're nervous about an upcoming presentation, don't default to the thought, "I'm totally going to mess up." Instead, ask yourself, "Am I sure I'm going to mess up?" ”
Again, don't get caught up in your own head while talking. Your nervousness may seem obvious, but they may not be as noticeable as you think.
If you do make a little mistake, it doesn't mean that others will notice it, or that they will look down on you even if they do.