Living happily in old age is the wish of every old man, and it is said that it is difficult to provide for the elderly, but what is the difficulty? First of all, health is the foundation, secondly, if you have your own house and some savings, you can improve the quality of life, and if your children are filial, you can be said to be a winner in life.
In fact, whether the elderly are happy in their old age depends more on their own mentality.
After taking precautions and retiring, you have to make some preparations, 70-year-old Uncle Gu also has some experience in getting along with his children, he said that if a person wants to live freely, he must know how to adjust his mentality, Uncle Gu's own conditions are average, but now he still lives very comfortably without relying on his children.
He attributed it to the fact that he had rejected his children's demands on three important things, but what were the things? What kind of experience did Uncle Gu have? Let's listen together.
Self-report: Uncle Gu is a retired employee 70 years old.
My wife and I have a son, like most parents, we have treated him like a jewel since he was a child, we saved money for him to study, and later he got married, and my wife and I took out all the family's savings of less than 250,000 yuan to buy him a house.
My wife is a traditional thinker, she always says that now we have to be good to our son and have a good relationship with our daughter-in-law, everyone will be old, and when we are old, our son and daughter-in-law are our dependence, in fact, she also does this.
In the second year of her wife's retirement, her daughter-in-law was pregnant, and she hurriedly packed her clothes and went to her son's house to take care of her daughter-in-law.
Because the son was repaying the mortgage at the time, the daughter-in-law was pregnant and staying at home, the wife also thoughtfully took out the pension to supplement the family, and the wife took care of all the housework at the son's house, and was not willing to let the daughter-in-law work at all, until the daughter-in-law gave birth to a granddaughter, and the wife was even harder, not only to cook and wash clothes, take care of the daughter-in-law, but also take care of the granddaughter.
My wife had a hard time at my son's house during that time, I was still at work and couldn't help her, every time she came back, I saw her haggard face and was very distressed, my wife told me that she was like an old nanny at her son's house, and her daughter-in-law had a bad attitude towards her, her granddaughter was more than a year old, and her daughter-in-law lay on the sofa to play after work in addition to work, and she didn't take the child and didn't do housework.
Even if she takes care of her son's family so heartily, there are constant contradictions between her daughter-in-law and her wife, her daughter-in-law has a strong personality, and her wife's cooking tastes salty, so she immediately blackened her face, once her granddaughter accidentally fell at home, her forehead was a little blue, and her wife was also distressed.
My wife can't stand it anymore, she came back when her granddaughter went to kindergarten, don't look at her when her wife is there, her daughter-in-law always looks at her unpleasantly, but now her wife is leaving, she knows that no one at home does anything, and no one subsidizes her living expenses, so she refuses to come back, but her wife insists on coming back. They also had an awkward relationship with us because of this, and they didn't come back to see us for a whole year.
Since my wife came back, I have been in a bad mood, I told my wife, since we are back, we will have a good life, the two of us have retirement salaries, and we have our own house, the big deal is that we will rely on ourselves.
Originally, I wanted to stay up for another 2 years, and when I retired, I would accompany my wife well, and I also thought about taking her around the country, which was not in vain, but my wife had a hard life, and she fell ill in the second year after she came back.
When my wife was sick, I could see the faces of my son and daughter-in-law thoroughly.
At that time, I had not officially retired, and I couldn't take a long vacation, many times my wife was alone in the hospital**, I told my son and daughter-in-law, I often came back to see your mother, but they were always perfunctory, and they still didn't come back on weekends.
I had a hard time during those days, I went to work during the day, then rushed back to cook, brought food to my wife at night, and then slept in the hospital with her, my wife understood everything in her heart, but she didn't ask anything, she actually wanted the children to come back to see her, and I felt very sad to think of this.
My wife's illness dragged on for more than a year, but the person still left.
My wife is gone, this woman who has been with me for most of my life has left me, I am physically and mentally exhausted, the whole person feels unbearable, I wash my face with tears all day long, I can't eat or sleep.
Since the wife left, the son and daughter-in-law are even more rare to come to the door, one day they suddenly came, the daughter-in-law rarely bought me some pastries, a door is also very enthusiastic to call the father, the son said, now I am alone at home, he and his daughter-in-law are worried about me, want to take me to his house to live together, and said that the granddaughter is now in kindergarten, just at home there is no pick-up,Why don't I go over and help with the housework, pick up and drop off the children, it's good for everyone.
As soon as I heard my son's words, I rejected them.
I think how my wife took care of their family when she came to the door, but the result can be imagined. Now they see that I am retired, and I happen to be idle at home, and they expect me to come to the door to do housework, and by the way, I take out my retirement salary to buy groceries, and I don't want to.
My son was gone, and their words reminded me that I wanted to live my life well.
I cheered up, went to the vegetable market every day to buy fresh vegetables, ate and took a nap, and then went to the park near the community to exercise, and later I also met a lot of old people like me, we chatted together, played chess, played tai chi, and hugged each other to keep warm.
This kind of life quickly made me adapt, but also made me feel happy, I don't pay attention to food and clothing, I rarely get sick after 3 years of retirement, in addition to food and clothing, I also saved less than 80,000 yuan of savings for myself, I think as long as I have money in my hands, I will not be afraid in the future.
My son and daughter-in-law have rarely come back to see me since the last incidentI gradually accepted the expectation from the beginning, but in fact, I sometimes vaguely didn't want them to come back, because I thought that as long as they came back, it would be fine.
Sure enough, one summer, my son and daughter-in-law bought 2 big watermelons and came to see me again.
My son's intention this time was very simple, he asked me to transfer the house in my hand to them, and his reason was very reasonable, he said that the primary school in the school district of my house is better, and if the transfer is given to them, my granddaughter can come to my primary school here.
I said to my son: Your father has such a house, don't calculate me anymore, I want to keep this house for the elderly.
When my daughter-in-law heard me say this, she became angry all of a sudden: What is calculation? You're so old, don't you think about your children and grandchildren? Or do you prefer sons over daughters in your heart and don't like granddaughters?
I can't afford to charge my daughter-in-law with such a big crime.
I said to my daughter-in-law, don't we like our granddaughter? Since she was born, the full moon and birthday, which festival we don't pack big red envelopes, not only that, your mother ran all the way to take her, but also exhausted her body, how can you say such things now?
Now that I'm old, I want to live in peace, isn't that too much? The house has been transferred to you, who can guarantee me in the future? My son told me he could guarantee it, and I smiled and didn't speak.
In fact, I know in my heart that my son is soft-eared, unfilial to his parents, and listens to his daughter-in-law, if I really hand over the house, my life will only be worse than my wife.
In the past few years, I have lived a good life alone, I have a group of old friends, I look for them when I am lonely, I go home when I am tired, I go to the vegetable market to buy and cook what I want to eat, I feel unwell, I go to the community hospital to see a doctor, I have been saving money for myself, I think that if I can't take care of myself one day, it's a big deal that I find a part-time job to cook and wash clothes for myself.
But in the first half of this year, my son and daughter-in-law came back to discuss the house with me.
This time their reason is that my house is old, and it is a staircase room, and it is inconvenient for me to go up and down the stairs when I am old, so it is better to simply sell it and replace it with an elevator room, so that I can get in and out easily, and I can add value in the future.
My son came to me and said that he would leave the matter of selling the house to him, and he would do it, and I followed him back during this time, and I asked my son if he still had my name written on the new house he bought.
The son said:Dad, you are at this age, and you will have to transfer the ownership in the future, which is expensive and troublesome, your daughter-in-law means, just write our name directly, you can rest assured, as long as you are here, this house is still yours.
After listening to my son's words, I stood up and kicked them out directly.
I shouted at their backs in the hallwayAs long as I'm alive, you don't want to move this house, you want this house, and then I'll die!"
My son is gone, my heart plummets, I know that they have been thinking about my house all these years, they want to take my pension and the house, but they don't want to care about me.
Fortunately, through my wife's previous events, I can see their minds thoroughly, there is no room for compromise on the matter of the house, as long as I live, this house will not be sold, not transferred.
I am now 70 years old, I eat and drink all on my own, I live in my own house, I have a retirement salary every month, and I have saved 200,000 yuan in savingsImagine if I was moved by my son's words and followed him to live at his house, not only would I not be able to keep the house, but I was afraid that my retirement salary would not be able to be saved.
Therefore, the elderly still have to stay in their own homes no matter what, and only in this way can they live comfortably and relaxedly, eat whatever they want, live how they want, and keep their minds clear when they are old.