Text |Mi Li's mother.
It is not the first time that the stalk of "Zihan's mother" has appeared, but it can always make people often look at it and be called a "classic".
First of all, let's popularize science for friends who don't know the situation, the stalk of "Zihan's mother" originated from a conversation in a kindergarten parent group.
Because when he went home, he found that the child had been bitten by mosquitoes, and a parent named "Zihan's mother" was a parent who "asked" the homeroom teacher in the group.
Say, "It's good that a child is sent to kindergarten, and after school, he finds that he was bitten by a mosquito, is this how the kindergarten looks at children?" ”
In the face of such an endless question, the teacher patiently explained: "The kindergarten will be sanitized every week, but mosquitoes cannot be completely eliminated in summer, and it is normal to be bitten." ”
And Zihan's mother didn't give up, saying, "Then why didn't you bite other children?" ”
Other parents couldn't stand it, and they all said righteously, "Haven't you been bitten at home?" ”
Zihan's mother came out with a golden sentence again, "It's not to bite your children, you definitely don't feel distressed" ......
Who would have thought that a mosquito bag could also trigger a tongue war.
This thing seems outrageous at first glance, but if you think about it carefully, it seems that we have more or less met the "Zihan mother" around us.
For example, some parents don't see their children in **, or the children don't stand in a conspicuous position, and they immediately make up a big drama in their minds about their children being wronged and isolated, followed by a small composition.
One day, she complained to us that the parent of a child in the class asked the teacher in the kindergarten parent group why she targeted their child.
At that time, everyone was shocked, wondering what the teacher had done and how he could target a child.
Just when everyone was confused, the "evidence" posted by this parent made everyone speechless.
The teacher of their class will post some children's activities in the kindergarten and eating **and** in the parent group, and the so-called "evidence" comes from the screenshots of the day.
*, the children are happily eating lunch.
Lunch was a colorful little dumpling, which was very popular with the children, and almost every child added dumplings two or three times.
The mother slowed down frame by frame, found the picture of her own child, enlarged the screenshot, and asked the teacher: "Why are the dumplings in other children's bowls colorful, but only the dumplings in our family are white?" Is it deliberately targeting our children? I see that the child is a little unhappy, so she will leave a psychological shadow on her. ”
It is estimated that the teacher was also shocked, maybe she never thought that there would be parents who could look at the problem from such a tricky angle.
After a long time, the teacher slowly sent a few words: "I don't know how xx's mother can have such a misunderstanding, the teachers are very busy at lunchtime, and each child takes turns to add dumplings, there is no situation where we pick the color of dumplings one by one, and, as teachers, professionalism does not allow us to do such a thing." ”
Yes, it is understandable to care about the state of the child, but the love of "Zihan's mother" who focuses all her attention on the child like this and interprets the child's every move frame by frame is too suffocating.
When I was a child, the corner of the table knocked to the head, and the corner of the table was hit; The floor is too slippery and falls, that's a broken floor. Even if the child goes to junior high school and high school, he will treat the homeroom teacher as a life teacher, and ask him to take care of his children to drink water frequently and increase or decrease clothes.
Infantilizing their own children, the void tree is a bunch of false enemies, in the final analysis, it is still the desire to control that is at work.
Always treat children as babies and do not accept their growth and independence, the performance of these "Zihan mothers" reminds me of an Oscar-winning film "Bao Bao" I once watched.
This is a short film with a strong Chinese style.
At the beginning of the film, a housewife gets a "bun baby", and from then on, like all first-time mothers, she takes care of the baby in every way.
Feed him, play with him, help him measure his height, take him out to buy groceries, and take care of him as he grows up.
When the baby grows up, he begins to have his own thoughts and preferences, as well as his own secrets.
Afraid that his mother would hear it, he would close the door and fight with his friends, and he would also leave his mother behind and go out with his friends without hesitation......
Until one day, Bao Bao took his girlfriend home and planned to pack his luggage and leave the house completely.
The mother looked at this son who used to stick to her and loved her, holding his girlfriend's hand, and was suddenly terrified.
She begged her son not to leave, and tried to save him three times and twice, but he was determined to go, and kept trying to break free from her ......
In a hurry, the mother grabbed the bun and ate it into ...... stomach
As a mother, I know too well the tangled feeling of not wanting my child to grow up and leave so soon, and I can't wait to be with him all the time.
I can also understand the kind of sadness and ......sadness when you inadvertently find that your child has suddenly grown up and is drifting away from you
Fortunately, Mom woke up to find it a nightmare. At the end of the short film, the son came back, and the estrangement between mother and son was ...... at this moment
One of the details that touched me the most in this short film is that the son has always appeared in the form of a small bun in the whole short film, although he is growing up little by little, but in fact, in his mother's heart, he has always been regarded as a child.
It wasn't until the son took his girlfriend to leave ruthlessly that the mother gradually accepted the child**, so when the son came back, he became a normal adult.
The director vividly presents how many parents in real life refuse to admit that their children have grown up, refuse to admit that their children have their own will and distance, excessive love and control, and finally strangled their children and led to a breakup.
The mother in the film did not hesitate to eat the disobedient baby in one bite, and then regretted crying. Fortunately, in the dream, the reflection and letting go after waking up from the dream gave her a chance to make up for it.
However, children who are destroyed in real life will never be able to make up for it.
Do you still remember the actor Zhu Yuchen who starred in TV series such as "Struggle", "Who Calls the Shots in My Youth" and so on?
When it came to him back then, there were still many actors with masterpieces, and now when I think of him, I am afraid that the most well-known thing is the story of his mother.
In a variety show, Zhu Yuchen's mother's performance was really shocking.
Because her son once cooked a table of dishes full of color and flavor for her, she felt very guilty in her 70s.
She felt that she had not taken good care of her son, who was almost 40 years old, so she immediately carried more than 80 hairy crabs all the way from Shanghai to Beijing to cook for her son and take care of his life.
For so many years, Zhu Yuchen's daily life has been handled by his mother.
No matter which crew she enters to film, her mother will bring pots and pans and large bags of supplements to follow into the crew. Whether it is a five-star hotel or a bungalow house, if there is no condition, it is necessary to create conditions for him to cook.
I got up at four o'clock every morning, because I had to boil pear juice for my son and then prepare breakfast, which I had done every day for more than ten years.
Mom's purpose is: no matter where my son goes, I will follow him to cook for him and give him a warm kitchen.
She was so focused on taking care of her son that she never had a life of her own, and of course, she didn't care.
Zhu Yuchen's mother once proudly said that she was very capable, and one person could take on two Filipino maids, saving the family a lot of money.
Such a statement is confusing enough, but her next operation is even more incomprehensible.
Every time Zhu Yuchen posts a Weibo, she will copy it to the notebook, neatly arranged by date, if her son does not post Weibo for a few days, she will take her own excerpt to urge, which is really stressful.
In her own words: "I love my son with my whole life!" ”
Because of his mother's suffocating love, several of his relationships ended without a hitch, and even under the influence of his mother, Zhu Yuchen's sister felt that she was afraid of marriage because she couldn't take care of her children like her mother took care of her younger brother.
Mi Li's mother believes that most parents love their children, but some parents really can't tell what real love is.
Could it be like "Zihan's mothers", from eating, drinking, and Lazar, to studying and working, getting married and having children, monitoring from time to time, and asking about everything, is it love?
If there is a slight disagreement, they complain, and all the faults are attributed to the outside world, as if people all over the world want to hurt their dear treasures.
The children raised in this way are either "mom bao men" and "mom bao girls" who are submissive and have no opinions, or they are "bear children" who roll around when they don't go their way, and social rules are nothing but nothing for them.
But no matter which one you cultivate, it is the "child" himself who suffers in the end.
is like Zhu in the "Murder of Wife and Hiding Body Freezer Case", who killed his wife and hid her body in the refrigerator for three months, during which time he stole her credit card, deceived her parents, and faked the illusion that she was still alive.
Even after doing such a unconscionable thing, his mother still defended that he was "a child and a good baby, very timid and rarely talking." Killing his daughter-in-law was a "momentary miss".
When it came to her former daughter-in-law, she changed her words, "She is not a child anymore, she should have her own judgment ability." ”
But no matter how much she argues, the law will give a fair ruling, and in 2020, her "good baby" was executed.
If it weren't for the parents' maintenance from childhood to adulthood, if they could cultivate their children to have a sense of responsibility and responsibility, such a tragedy would not have happened.
One day, the child will have to go his own way independently.
Let go of the desire to control everything, let go of the confinement of overprotection, give them the space to grow independently, let them learn to take responsibility, understand the rules of the operation of all things, and then let go, let them make their own friends and live their own lives in the world of freedom.
When it's time to grow up, please allow them to grow up.
About the author: @米粒妈爱分享 (welcome to pay attention), American returnee, Haidian parent, the author of "Parent-Child English Books That Affect Children's Lives" ranked first on the new book list. Focus on the scientific parenting, learning and enlightenment of 0-5-year-old babies, as well as the world's novelty and good things recommendation, welcome to pay attention! (5-12 years old mother, please pay attention: @米粒妈频道).