"Does the child "hold a grudge"? The sad truth makes people think deeply! "！
After the birth of his daughter, Wenwen's father decided to manage his emotions and try not to yell at his daughter. But the imagination is beautiful, but the reality is very cruel, he has been angry with his daughter many times, and it is inevitable that he will start yelling at his daughter.
For example, she had just finished cleaning up the mess of toys and picked up a box of toys, which were scattered all over the floor; She managed to clean the floor and put on a pair of dirty shoes, which ran all over the floor.
For example, you want to protect her eyes and don't want her to wear a pair of glasses from a young age. So, try to control her watching TV and playing with her phone, sometimes you ask her to look away, not only can she not hear, but her whole head is glued to the TV screen, the more you talk, the closer you get.
Faced with such a scene, Wenwen's father couldn't help it and yelled at his daughter, but after shouting, I saw my daughter stunned there, with tears in her eyes and a hurt look, I regretted it and felt very distressed.
Some time ago, Wenwen's father took his daughter to the aquarium to play, looked at the weather forecast, and found that the temperature was not very high that day, so he dressed his daughter a little more. As a result, before I even arrived at the aquarium, I was hot and dry by the sun.
Wenwen's parents were carrying large bags and small bags, and they had been tired for a long time, their mouths were dry, and their mood began to be a little irritable. The daughter still prefers to chat, buy milk tea for a while, buy toys for a while, she doesn't agree with all kinds of crying, but she doesn't want to leave.
Wenwen's mother couldn't hold back for a while, and yelled at her:"Every time you go out, do you have to do this and that, are there fewer toys at home?
When my daughter saw that my wife was losing her temper, she stopped crying and kept following us, coming over from time to time to take her hand and shouting"Mom", while worryingly"Mom, are you thirsty? I have water here; Mom, you're hot, let me give you a shake, okay?
Wenwen's father was watching from the sidelines, and as soon as the child shouted at her, he turned around and kissed his mother, didn't she hold a grudge?
Not only the daughter, but Wenwen's father also observed other children and found that after parents yelled at their children, the children would get closer to you and ask for hugs.
Reason 1: The child lacks a sense of inner security.
Wenwen's father once read such a passage in an educational book, saying that after a child is loudly scolded by his parents, he will feel dangerous in the parent-child relationship and will want to flee to someone else, because only by staying by that person's side will he feel safe inside.
And this person is the child's inner sense of security! When a child hears the yelling and scolding of his parents, he will understand the message that his parents are going to take away his love for me, and he will feel anxious and panicked inside, and then he will feel insecure.
To gain this sense of security, they use words and actions to come"Please"Parents, to gain parental approval and acceptance; If they are always scolded loudly by their parents, the child will become more and more panicked, thus becoming shy and inferior.
Reason 2: There is a need for a parent-child relationship with the child.
I'm sure many moms are familiar with the term attachment, which refers to the special emotional connection that arises when one person seeks close connection and emotional support from another. Attachment relationships are usually formed in early childhood and can affect a child's life.
Social psychologists point out that the more fearful a child's relationship with his or her parents, the more pronounced the attachment tendencies become. When a mother throws a tantrum, the bond between parents and children is broken. At this time, the child will be afraid of the mother's lack of love, which will create a sense of fear, leading to please, attachment, hugging, etc"Ask for nothing in return"acts.
I remember that when my daughter was two or three years old, she often cried. Sometimes, the more we yelled at her, the more she cried, and no matter how much we pushed her away, she would come and hug us. It was only when we held her that she felt accepted by her parents again.
At this time, she will also become very well-behaved and act very close to you, but in fact, she is afraid that her parents will no longer love her and want to reconcile with her parents.
When it comes to scolding their children loudly, many mothers fall into"I shouldn't have scolded loudly - I couldn't help but shout - I blamed myself - I couldn't have scolded loudly - I couldn't stop shouting"in a vicious circle. So, what to do after yelling at your child"Reconstruction"What about reducing the harm of yelling at your child? Wenwen's father shared 3 small steps.
Take a deep breath and give yourself and your child a moment to calm down.
Wenwen's father found this step to be very effective in reducing conflict and quarrels between parents and children. Whenever my emotions are on the verge of boiling, I take three deep breaths to try to calm myself down. I also give my children time to calm down so as not to provoke their emotions.
For younger children, parents can pick them up and play with them once they are emotionally stable; For older children, they can be guided to identify their emotions and find ways to release them.
Repair the relationship and apologize for yelling at the child.
Sometimes, when we get emotional and yell at our children, it's not always their fault, and if it's our fault, we have to apologize to them immediately.
First, Wenwen's father will crouch down, look his daughter in the eye tenderly, and then guide her to express her emotions and accept them. For example: Dad knows that you are angry, scared, and sad, can you tell Dad how you feel?
Second, apologize to the child and explain why, for example, Dad yelled at you because you had just finished mopping the floor and had to run in with your shoes on, and Dad couldn't get you out. So I'm angry, yelling at you, scaring you, I'm sorry!
Apologizing to your child in this way not only allows them to feel loved by their parents and repair the parent-child relationship, but it also serves as a role model for them to know that they are responsible for their emotions and actions.
In the end, in order to express his love, Wenwen's father hugged his daughter and said to her very seriously:"Daddy loves you so much!
iii) What happens after the agreement has been signed.
After being honest with your child about your emotions, parents should clearly tell their children why they are angry and what they are worried about, and also give them the opportunity to explain and make them aware of the seriousness of the problem.
For younger children, parents can simply tell their children what they want them to do in the future. The more specific, the better; For older children, parents can guide their children to find their own solutions so that they are more receptive.
In short, parents should try to control the frequency of their children's loud reprimands. The child is still close to you after yelling at you, not because of a grudge, but because of the fear of losing! Children love us so much, how can we bear to yell at them? What do you think?
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