In an in-depth exchange at Stanford University, Duan Yongping generously shared his secret to success, which is not an ordinary "to-do list", but a unique "not for the list". With his profound insight, he believes that in the pursuit of excellence, the value and significance of identifying and stopping those who are not doing what is wrong goes even beyond actively practicing everything that is right. This philosophy is a wake-up call that leads us to re-examine the nature of our actions and decisions.
Mencius, an ancient sage in China, also had a similar wisdom proverb: "If a person does something, then he can do something." ”
This sentence reveals an important wisdom on the road of life: only by learning to prudently avoid those unnecessary mistakes can we focus our energy more efficiently, so as to reach the other side of the ideal faster.
About the family
Don't snub your family
Family, like the warm soil that nourishes life, is a haven for us to rest and recover after forging ahead on the thorny battlefield of life.
It is precisely because our lives are rooted in the embrace of our family that the emotional bond between our flesh and blood makes us believe that even if there is occasional negligence and neglect in dealing with our family members, they will always stick to the same place like a rock and never abandon them.
However, in the torrent of life, it is easy to overlook the fact that those who are patient, cultivated, gentle and considerate to outsiders should be more devoted to their dear and beloved family members. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, we may not be aware of this neglect of our families.
It wasn't until I encountered a difficult situation in life and was isolated that I deeply missed the warmth from home; When I was physically and mentally exhausted and covered with scars, I suddenly realized that home is the peaceful harbor that can heal the wounds and heal the soul.
Entering the second half of life, we should deeply understand that we should not let neglect become an attitude towards our families. Family members are irreplaceable nobles in the journey of life, and they are the existence that we should cherish and protect the most in this life.
Don't blame for trouble
People are not saints and sages, and they are all flawed. Even if you are a sage, you cannot reach the state of flawlessness. Since all beings in the world are inadequate, why should we criticize the faults of others only from our own perspective?
Being able to become a family is really a deep fate cultivated in the previous life, and there is more tolerance and understanding between each other, so that the warmth of home can always be there in the four seasons like spring. When faced with a problem, why not try to communicate more;
When conflicts arise, why not put yourself in the other party's shoes; When an argument arises, why not take the lead in showing tolerance.
Family breakdown often stems from inner alienation and indifference. Don't blame easily when you encounter problems, and have a peaceful and rational attitude to dialogue, this is the best feng shui in a family.
Don't forget to be grateful
In life, we are often grateful for the help of the outside world, but we are blind to the silent efforts of our family members. As everyone knows, the help from the outside world may have other purposes, but the love of the family comes from the selfless dedication from the depths of the heart.
You may be keenly aware of the kindness of others, but you may ignore the hard work behind your family. You can feel the warmth of others, but it is difficult to understand the deep thoughts and concerns of your family.
As a human being, the saddest thing is to squander family affection and deliberately maintain interpersonal relationships; disappoints the people closest to him, but tries to keep those superficial human contacts.
When you ignore the efforts of your family, you are invisibly shortening the distance from home; When you only have yourself in your eyes, no matter how close you are, you will gradually become alienated in the gradual distancing.
When the family shares the family, only by always being grateful can we have that deep and lasting happiness.
It's about socializing
Don't spend time with the wrong people
Plato had a profound insight into life, and he once said, "There is no more painful regret in life than to stubbornly cling to those things that should not be attached." ”
The advent and disappearance of all things follow their own specific laws of time, and the same is true of the fate between people. When fate comes, it is like a river breaking its embankment, which cannot be resisted; And when fate quietly dissipates, even if you try your best, you can't force it to stay.
So, instead of wasting precious time with undeserving people, invest all of your time in self-improvement and make yourself shine. As the saying goes, the strongest and most lasting relationships between people come from equal strength and mutual respect.
If you want to get close to someone, the first thing you need to do is to cultivate your own charm so that they stop for you. If you want to keep someone, you must have the ability to complement them and grow together.
Only when you continue to improve and become better will you attract equally good people to cherish you and share the wonderful chapter of your life.
Don't grieve yourself to please others
Yishu's quote reminds us that the meaning of life is to pursue inner fulfillment, not to focus too much on what others think. We can't please everyone because everyone's values and preferences are different.
For those who truly care about us, they will appreciate our strengths and accept our shortcomings; And for those who don't like us, no matter how hard we try, they can always find a reason to criticize.
Therefore, instead of spending a lot of time and energy to please others, it is better to stick to being who you are, which will make it easier to attract those who truly know how to appreciate us.
In this world, there are always people who will resonate with us because of our uniqueness, and what we have to do is to find these friends who are connected with our hearts, grow with them, and spend quality time with them.
Don't rely too much on connections
Liu Run once said: "Connections are not those who can help you, but people you can help." ”
Those who can help you, they may not need your help and therefore cannot be your network; Conversely, those who need your help, they may become your connections because of your value.
At the end of the day, networking is a transaction, and if you have value, you will naturally have connections. Giving up self-improvement and relying on connections is the biggest stupidity in adult socialization.
The friendship established at the wine table is often a false feeling on the surface; And those flattering friends are often false.
In the second half of life, we must understand that the real connection is actually ourselves. If you yourself are incapable, then it is useless to know anyone; If you have the ability, you can succeed even if you don't know anyone.
It's about growth
Don't blame others for your failures
In the journey of life, failure itself is not scary, what is truly daunting is to pass on the responsibility for failure to others. Once you have chosen this path of prevarication, you lose the opportunity to delve into the nature of failure, and such an attitude will only lead you further away from success.
It is important to know that the realization of any goal and the achievement of any cause is often not an overnight process, but needs to go through twists and turns.
If you choose to run away when you encounter difficulties, problems will always be a stumbling block to your progress, not a ladder to climb the peak.
In many cases, the pace at which you chase your dreams largely depends on your perception and commitment to self-responsibility. Only by having the courage to face the challenges of life can we grasp the critical moment of turning the tide and turning things around in life.
Don't deny yourself lightly
The ancients said: "The ruler is short, and the inch is long; There is something lacking, and there is something unclear. This sentence reveals that everything in the world has its limitations and uniqueness, and so do people. Everyone walks in this vast world, carrying their own highlights and advantages, with a unique positioning and irreplaceable existence value.
There is no need to envy the brilliant achievements of others, and there is no need to use your own shortcomings to touch the strengths of others. A wise person is not to compete with others, but to constantly surpass yesterday's self, improve every day, and improve day by day.
As the ancients said: "I am born to be useful, and I will come back when my wealth is gone." This is a high affirmation of self-worth, which means that no matter what kind of setbacks and difficulties are experienced, one's potential will eventually be realized, and everything lost may be returned.
To deny oneself is to close the door to all possibilities. Therefore, we should actively affirm ourselves, cheer for ourselves, and firmly believe that success is only a matter of time, as long as we persevere, we will be able to bloom on the stage of life with our own brilliance.
Don't neglect to improve yourself
Someone has been**, every 5 to 10 years, our work will face a major challenge. Now, with the advent of ChatGPT, the speed at which this prophecy is being fulfilled is accelerating.
In order to adapt to this rapidly changing world, we need to constantly improve ourselves and update our knowledge, which is no longer a slogan, but a reality that every adult must face.
In this age of information, the speed of updating the world and the frequency of iteration of knowledge have far exceeded our imagination. If we stand still, then the times will abandon us mercilessly, without sympathy for our tears. Therefore, only by constantly improving ourselves can we have more choices to pursue a better life and career.
Always remember: the more skills you have, the less you become a burden; Without skills, it is difficult to gain a foothold in society. In this era of competition and challenges, only by continuous learning and progress can we go further on the road of life.
It's about life
Don't dwell on the past
There is a saying that says it well: "No one can go back to the past and start over, but everyone can create a new future from the present." ”
The past is gone, we can't change it, and dwelling on it will only hold us back. Smart people will take the unsatisfactory past as a lesson, learn from it, and avoid making mistakes again; Foolish people, on the other hand, will use the past that they cannot return to as a rope to bind themselves.
With lessons learned, we are better able to avoid getting stuck again; And using the past as a rope will only make you more bound.
If life is a train with no return and misses a train, we should pack up our mood and wait for the next train to arrive. Don't let the past be a burden for today, and don't let the past be a stumbling block for tomorrow.
You have to believe that in the face of time, nothing is impossible. When you want to open, hope will come.
Don't indulge yourself
Russell once had a deep insight into human nature: "Human indulgence comes from the primitive impulse of the heart, and self-discipline is the deep cultivation of life." Things that bring instant pleasure often turn into a source of suffering in the long run. ”
If you squandered yesterday, you will be bitter today. Please be convinced that the world follows the law of the cycle of cause and effect, that heaven and earth are selfless, and that whatever causes are sown will reap the fruits.
Overindulgence in health management will only allow diseases to creep in; The indulgence in the pursuit of pleasure and the decadent state of life are difficult to escape its shackles.
Occasionally, when you are tired in life, moderate relaxation and rest are understandable, but if you blindly indulge yourself, it is tantamount to drinking water to quench your thirst, and behind the short-term comfort is a long-term damage.
In the second half of life, true self-love is embodied in the wise restraint of desire. Advocate healthy eating, abide by regular work and rest, have the courage to say goodbye to staying up late, and embrace the lifestyle of going to bed early and getting up early.
In your spare time, you may wish to participate in more sports to enrich your mind, and often read books in order to develop good habits. In this way, we can harvest a rich and beautiful life in the precipitation of the years.
Don't be afraid to fail
Zhang Songwen's story shows us the tenacity and perseverance of a late bloomer. In the first half of his life, he experienced numerous failures, but these failures did not break him.
He has solid professional knowledge enough to become an acting teacher, but he has never been able to get the opportunity to participate in film and television dramas. However, it was his persistence and courage that allowed him to finally successfully create the role of Gao Qiqiang in the work "Hurricane".
In fact, behind every success, there are traces of failure. If we are afraid of failure and refuse to try, then we will never be able to touch success.
Understand that the first step to perfection is completion, and the first step to arrival is departure. As long as we are brave enough to take the first step, not to give up, not to back down, then life will not be lost.
Many times, the distance between us and success is not in knowledge, vision, or wisdom, but in the courage to try again.
In the second half of life, we don't need to be afraid of failure, because we can get back up after a fall, and we can start all over again after failure. As long as we dare to face challenges and move forward bravely, then success will eventually belong to us.