Author: Haoyue Weichen (rich book author).
There is a saying circulating on the Internet: "The older a person is, the more affectionate he is, which is a kind of maturity that has gone through vicissitudes." ”
When people have enough experience and have seen the coldness of human nature, they will slowly see the truth of this world.
Truly mature people will cherish their affection more and keep their precious time for themselves.
Excessive love will inevitably turn things around and bring negative effects; A moderate amount of "affection" can make life more balanced.
Be affectionate to yourself and streamline your circle
When people are young, they always like to be lively, and they are busy building a social circle every day, and when they are older and have experienced more, they learn to screen friends and begin to understand that to make themselves comfortable, they must be affectionate to themselves.
Once, He Jiong was ready to add Li Jian's WeChat, but was rejected because Li Jian did not use a smartphone, no WeChat, and no WeChat circle of friends.
After Li Jian's great success, he is in the midst of a rapid rise in his career, with various performances and endorsement invitations pouring in.
However, he chose not to accept any interviews, cut back on social interactions, and even declined all the performances and endorsements that came in one by one.
He has always lived a very simple life, I thought that he would be better to himself when he became popular, buy a house and a car, but I didn't expect that he had money, neither bought a house nor surfed the Internet, and his home was still full of tapes.
As for the house, he said: "That's not a necessity for me, I feel richer this way." ”
In fact, Li Jian is not pretending to be cool, but learning to narrow the social circle, not to fit into the unsuitable circle at will, and not to disrupt his rhythm.
He rejected a lot of commercial performances and endorsements that he didn't like, and promised that he would disappear from the entertainment industry for one-third of the year and live his own life.
He never hyped himself, but devoted more time to focusing on life itself, fitness, reading, writing songs, traveling, ......Live a self-disciplined and free life.
Friends didn't understand what he did: "You're throwing white silver into the river!" ”
Li Jian in life is very self-disciplined, exercising 3-4 times a week, eating only one meal a day, spending a lot of time reading every day, listening to **, and then writing his own works.
After becoming famous, he did not enjoy the abundance of material life, did not buy a house, refused to socialize, and behind the seemingly cool and indifferent feelings, he was responsible for himself and loyal to his dreams.
Li Jian has a clear understanding of his goals and pursuits, and he loves ** deeply, so after becoming popular, he chose to stay away from the public's sight, so that the audience gradually forgot about him, leaving only those who really appreciate and love him**.
People who are not affectionate to external things will not be easily swayed by the outside world, and can maintain their original intention to avoid getting lost in other people's worlds, so they have more time to be alone and grow.
They don't socialize for the sake of socializing, but dare to face their true selves. This courage allows them to elevate their connotations, enrich their spiritual world, and ultimately become stronger.
Those who dare to keep their feelings thin can actually avoid 80% of the troubles, streamline the circle, and gain real freedom.
When people reach middle age, they may wish to be "kind" to themselves, ignore the eyes of others, and focus on their own lives, so that they can live comfortably and comfortably.
Be affectionate to others and make trade-offs freely
There is a question on the Internet: "What is the best way to resolve interpersonal conflicts?" ”
There was a highly praised answer at the bottom: "When it's time to turn your face, turn your face." ”
If you are blindly kind, dare not refuse, or even dare not turn your face, you will become more and more likely to be pinched as a soft persimmon.
After Zhu Zhiwen became popular, some relatives and friends who rarely saw each other once a year suddenly emerged, and they came to borrow money one after another.
The kind-hearted Zhu Zhiwen, out of friendship with his fellow villagers, lent thousands or even tens of thousands of yuan. It has also built roads, installed transformers, and improved fitness conditions for the village, and has lent more than 2 million yuan to neighbors in the past few years.
He uses his strength to help those in need and hopes that his good deeds will be rewarded.
But what Zhu Zhiwen got was more consumption, more and more people used his reputation to make money, and he became a cash cow for the whole village, but the villagers did not forgive, scolding him for being famous and not doing practical things for the villagers.
A neighbor of Zhu Zhiwen came to borrow money, and he wanted to borrow 200,000 yuan as soon as he opened his mouth.
Out of prudence, Zhu Zhiwen rejected the neighbor's request. Unexpectedly, that night, a stone was thrown in from outside the wall, shattering the glass of Zhu Zhiwen's house, and the debris flew all over the house, scaring Zhu Zhiwen a lot.
Zhu Zhiwen's door has been kicked open many times, and what is even more terrifying is that during the Spring Festival, many people gathered at the door of Zhu Zhiwen's house, noisily begging for red envelopes, and Zhu Zhiwen laughed away.
An old man from Henan did not leave in front of Zhu Zhiwen's door, and asked Zhu Zhiwen for 600,000 yuan.
But no matter how he shouted, Zhu Zhiwen always refused to open the door for him.
Maugham has a point:Soft-hearted and embarrassed will only kill yourself. Rational ruthlessness and ruthlessness are the weapons of survival.
A truly wise person knows how to keep a light at the right time, so that not only can he protect himself, but he will also be better able to cope with life's challenges.
The so-called affection does not mean that there is no emotion for everything, but that the choice is made rationally.
When we are faced with some unnecessary people and things, we can choose to deal with them with affection, not to be overly entangled and entangled, and to make a serious choice when we are decided.
Care about those who are worth caring about, and push away those who let yourself hurt. Treat with an indifferent attitude, so that the other party can see your edge, and you can also keep the last dignity for yourself.
In the second half of life, we will be faced with more choices, we can learn to be affectionate, we can get rid of all our troubles, and the more we live, the more we understand.
The stronger the person, the more affectionate
Cai Kangyong encouraged everyone to be a kind person, and he did the same.
He never attends other people's weddings, doesn't send birthday wishes, holiday wishes, never celebrates birthdays, Spring Festival, or Christmas.
If you are an ordinary person, you should have no friends, isolated, scolded boring, no sense of ritual, and unsociable.
However, the friends around him are all close friends, and they seem to be unkind, but it is precisely because of this that he has gained more truth and beauty.
When you reach a certain age, you finally understand that there is no one who deserves to live carefully.
Choosing to be a little affectionate is a kind of high-level survivability.
When you learn the 3 ways to be unkind, you can also become stronger and stronger.
1. Rejection
Harvard University once did a survey: "If a person learns to say no reasonably, he can reduce more than 90% of the trouble, and can reduce a lot of personal time and energy waste." ”
An old friend borrowed money from Liu Tong, but Liu Tong decisively refused: "I have money, but I don't want to borrow it." ”
Liu Tong explained: "Before, I lent money to a friend, but it was very unpleasant. So, I made a rule that I would no longer have money with my friends. ”
Only by rejecting low-level happiness, staying away from low-energy circles, avoiding meaningless internal friction, and taking courageous steps to action, can we move towards a smooth path.
2. Shielding force
The so-called "shielding power" is a person's ability to eliminate and shield useless information and external interference, and return to his original heart.
After Mo Yan won the Nobel Prize, no new works came out for a long time, and many doubts came, so he chose to disappear, shield the influence of external evaluations, and do what he should do with peace of mind, so he made a new breakthrough.
Only by knowing how to selectively shield can we focus on ourselves and live a good life.
On the long road of life, block out unnecessary relationships, strengthen your heart, and focus on your own path, you will have fewer troubles and love life more.
3. Clearing force
The book "The Power of Minimalism" says: "Clear your cache, zero yourself in at the right time, and you will continue to strive for excellence, and then achieve new results after zeroing." ”
It's not the work that consumes your energy, but the work to deal with all kinds of interpersonal relationships and interpersonal interactions.
Wang Han deleted many people in the circle of friends, Wang Han thinks that life will become quite easy after deleting friends, all the time is his own, and he is a mess at ease.
has the ability to clear at any time, no longer being drawn by various factors, limiting the possibilities of his life.
Subtract for life, don't dwell on the past, and life can enjoy the present at ease.
People who are "affectionate" are not ruthless, but cherish their emotions and values more.
They will not be easily swayed by the outside world, but will firmly follow their own path. They are full of strength and courage to face life's challenges.
So, when you face all kinds of injustices and provocations in life, don't be afraid to show your "thin feelings".
Courageously defend their rights and interests, and firmly pursue their dreams. Only in this way can you gain a foothold in this world and live your true self.
Start from learning to be affectionate, return yourself to yourself, return others to others, let flowers become flowers, and let trees become trees.
About the author: Haoyue Weichen, a rich book author, loves to read, loves to write, hopes to be in the text ** yourself, warm others, a person If you want to succeed, not be hindered, not be **, this is the shielding power, the 4th book has been published, and the book "Shielding Power" is selling wellYour life needs shielding power, and 5 million people together to upgrade their life cognition, this article: Franklin Book Club, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, shall not **, infringement must be investigated.
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