1.If your family of origin doesn't help you lay the foundation of your inner framework, it will take you at least 20 years to rebuild your inner world. Then it took 20 years to rebuild the outside world, because people need to constantly fight monsters and upgrade.
Reconstruction is not the most critical, awakening is the most critical. If we can't wake up, we will be sealed for a lifetime by fear, lack of confidence, glass heart, low self-esteem, and all kinds of obsessions, and we will not be able to move.
Only when your subconscious awakens at the moment that life begins to enter the stage of fighting monsters and upgrading, before which it is a passive state of waiting, relying on, asking and asking, and being pressed to the ground by reality and rubbed.
Many people spend their entire lives sealing away past experiences and never really live their lives to be themselves!
For example, people who have always been loudly reprimanded and urged by adults since childhood have lived in a panic all their lives, and their heads will be short-circuited when they encounter something, losing their ability to think, losing their ability to judge, and their brains are blank.
For example, I grew up lonely and helpless, without a family as a backstage, as a backer, I live in worry and fear all my life, because there is no one behind, and I feel lonely, helpless, hopeless, powerless, and learned helplessness when I encounter something!
If you can awaken such a behavior pattern, there is still a chance to repair it. Most people don't even have time to be aware, panicked, and have already finished their lives in a hurry.
People who have a bad original family are already very good if they slow down for half a beat, don't blame yourself. Because when others are growing up, you are still trapped in the internal friction of the original family.
The truth that others know early on, through your own experience, your parents' experience and the environment, you need to crawl in the society for a few years before you find the pattern little by little.
Others have long satisfied people's instinctive desires, and you will gradually satisfy ....... by making some money on your ownSo, stop being so yourself, okay?
Instead, I believe that even if it is slow, it has its own rhythm and will gradually find its way. Instead of comparing with others, after not being able to compare, they attack themselves, blame themselves or continue to be entangled with their original family.
The biggest lesson of this article is:If you don't know what you're supposed to do, then you need to figure it out first, and before that, don't push it blindly.
If I could say one more, I would add a second:Once you decide to do something, you have to do it thoroughly.
To put it bluntly, these two articles are, "think clearly and do thoroughly".
These two principles are from the Book of Navarre, and they are two of the most resonant sentences I have seen in this book--- not that I read this book to guide my life, but in fact I have been trying to do so, although I may not always be able to do it.
Some people will ask, "If you don't know what you should be doing, then you need to figure this out first",Not all problems can be figured out, what to do if you can't figure it out?
My answer is, cold salad.
I'm very serious about this answer, and I'm not joking, I really can only mix it cold.
Let me start by talking about how to figure out a problem to the greatest extent
My point is that you need to force yourself.
In the article "People around you persuade you to read and study, are you going to go?" In this question, I described "force" as follows:
In other words, it's all a matter of personal choice, but the point is, have you thought about it?
What I emphasize is to think well and think carefully, not how to choose, after all, in the end, how each person chooses is his own business.
After thinking about it, no matter what choice you make, it will not be forced, because it is indeed the answer you need.
When you don't think about it, even if you just follow the advice of the people around you to study, you will not be happy, you will not be motivated, and you will not achieve good results in the end.
And after thinking about it, even if you choose to continue to be content with the status quo, you will be at ease and calm.
Therefore, it is worth your effort to think about it, it can help you determine what kind of person you want to be.
You can live however you want, as long as it doesn't get in the way of others, but the key is that you have to think clearly, and if you want to think clearly, you need to put some effort into it.
How to use force? My answer to the following question is given".tools".
Anonymous user asks questions:
How to get rid of the problem of thinking too much? Recently, I found myself having such a problem. One thing can make me infinitely magnified and divergent. For example, I can start thinking about all kinds of future lives from the breakup, and then I start to be afraid, afraid, anxious, afraid that I won't be able to support myself and live the life I want in the future. Because it feels like it's really tough later. Or when I think about a problem, I think about all kinds of possibilities, what might happen and what is good to plan for, and then I am probably stuck in the exploration of possibilities. Then I feel annoyed, pained, anxious, and fearful because I thought of a possibility but couldn't find a solution. I used to think that everyone was like this, but then I found that I did think more than others, and I don't know how I can get rid of this problem? It was hoped that a method that would have a substantive impact would be obtained.Answer to anonymous users:
Whether it's thinking or thinking, it's actually a tool—a tool to find a big answer.
By thinking or thinking, we get the answers we want and get the answers we are satisfied with, which is the benefit that "thinking" and "thinking" can bring.
But by thinking and thinking, we may not be able to find the answer.
Why don't you sometimes get this answer?
Because of the limitations of people, the limitations of cognition, the limitations of thinking. Don't deify thinking, thinking is not omnipotent, and in the face of limitations, we must also know how to let go.
So, usually we think about things, and I suggest that everyone develop a kind of "".Think with forceHabits.
What is Power Thinking?
It refers to concentrating on thinking hard for a period of time, such as limiting 5 hours, you exhaust your brains to develop your thinking to the extreme, and think with a lot of ruthlessness, which has a sense of decisive battle.
This ruthlessness has two effects, first, if you can figure it out, then this ruthlessness can make you lock the answer faster, and second, if you can't figure it out, then this ruthlessness can make you feel at ease to let go - after all, you have made such an obvious effort, but still can't find the answer, what else can you do if you don't let go? That is, you see your limitations.
Many of us usually think too much, not because they are "thoughtful" people, but because they neither know how to concentrate and accumulate energy to engage in breakthrough thinking, let alone let go, what are they doing?
It's thinking about the same problem back and forth, using the inherent way of thinking to think repeatedly—in fact, this kind of "thinking too much" is a manifestation of poor thinking quality, and the result of thinking too much and not understanding things.
Concentrate for a while, think with force, and you will get two results, either you find the answer you need, or you see your limitations.
Either way, it will make you let go.
I don't know if any of us *** readers have remembered a concept I shared earlier, called ".The spirit of the meeting
In the spirit of the meeting, there is a principle, that is, if you have an opinion, you must put it forward at the meeting, and if you don't mention it, then after the meeting produces a resolution, you must obey the final resolution 100%.
Those who have the spirit of the meeting will obey the final decision of the meeting 100%.
People who do not have the spirit of the meeting do not mention their opinions when they should raise them, and after the meeting produces a resolution, their actions are twisted and full of complaints.
What is a meeting? It's just a decision-making process.
If you think of a person as a company, in fact, in daily life, everyone will have large and small "meeting moments".
Decide on **, decide on fitness, decide on learning English, decide on reading, decide on learning to write, decide on learning musical instruments, ......I've found that most people, when they hold these "meetings", are actually very sloppy, and take it for granted that they set themselves a plan for what they want to do.
It is precisely because of the haste that after the meeting produces a resolution, it will be ...... back and forth in actionIt is a complete manifestation of the lack of "spirit of the conference". When making plans and decisions, we should be more serious, and when implementing plans, we should be thorough, which is the spirit of the meeting.
When making personal plans, you can think of yourself as a "company".
For example, you can imagine yourself as Alibaba, then, your personal plan is equivalent to the development plan of a large company like Alibaba--- what big company would casually decide a plan for itself? No.
These big companies are very cautious when it comes to planning for the future.
The decision-makers will have a full discussion, not only a discussion, but they will also conduct a full argument--- demonstrate the feasibility of the new development plan, and demonstrate whether the new development plan is on the right path of development.
You don't have to make yourself look like a big company, but at least you have to think through it before you make a personal (development) plan, right?
Many people start a plan at random, such as memorizing 3,000 English words.
A few days ago, I was in high spirits, but then I didn't have "passion" - so this "no passion" situation was not considered in advance? Haven't you thought about how to deal with this situation so that you can keep the plan going?
Another example, because someone said that "rote memorization is useless", he fell into confusion again, and after thinking about it, he didn't continue to memorize words, but ran to find a way to memorize English words. However, isn't it necessary to determine the method of this kind of thing? You're changing guns?
For another example, someone said, "It's useless to memorize words, what really matters is the cultivation of oral communication skills", well, as soon as this thing heard this argument, he immediately turned to oral English. But if you can make your own plans as you would make a company decision, can these things be greatly avoided?
At the very least, the success rate of your plan will increase significantly.
In fact, "if you don't know what you're supposed to do, then you need to figure it out first, and before that, don't push it blindly." and "Once you decide to do something, do it thoroughly." Taken together, it is completely the embodiment of the spirit of the meeting.