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When talking about parenting, many parents want to raise healthy, smart, sensible children. However, sometimes we find that despite the fact that we raise them with the utmost kindness and generosity, the result is unexpected and the child appears selfish and petty. This situation seems to run counter to our expectations, raising an interesting question: why is it that the more generous we are, the easier it is to raise selfish children?
This question brought me back to my own parenting experience, as well as what I had observed in other families. In this article, I will share my views and provide some examples to explain this phenomenon.
First, let's be clear about the difference between "false selfishness" and "true selfishness." During a child's development, they usually show a certain level of selfishness. This selfishness can be seen as an instinct for self-preservation, especially at an early age. This "fake selfishness" is not a bad thing, it helps the child to establish his or her own identity and independence. However, as they get older, most children will gradually learn to share and understand the needs of others, thus transitioning to the stage of "being generous".
However, some children do not seem to be able to make a smooth transition to the stage of "true generosity", and they still show obvious selfishness and pettiness. This may be because the behaviour and attitudes of parents or caregivers play a key role in the parenting process. Let me illustrate this with the example of my own two sons.
My younger brother showed a willingness to share from an early age. Even in the sensitive period of property rights, he was relatively generous. This has to do with my parenting style, and I encouraged him to share and collaborate from the beginning. In addition, he was born with an older brother, so he does not have the concept of "exclusivity" and is used to sharing with others. As a result, his selfish behavior was not overly nourished, and he gradually grew into a child who was willing to share and cooperate.
At the age of nine, my eldest son still showed a strong sense of possessiveness and scheming. This may be due to the fact that during his early upbringing, as the first child in the family, he received attention and pampering from everyone. He was accustomed to being treated as "self-serving", and when his younger brother was born, he became more domineering and selfish because he feared that his rights would be taken away. This example illustrates how the way parents distribute attention and pampering in their children's early upbringing can have a profound impact on their children's selfish behavior.
So why is it easy for some families to raise selfish children? I think one of the reasons is the behavior and attitude of parents. If parents spoil their children too much and get them used to being treated like a self, then the child may become selfish. In addition, if parents show a strong competitive mentality when competing for resources or rights, children are also prone to imitate this behavior, thus showing selfishness and pettiness.
In addition, the competitive pressures of modern society may also have an impact on children's selfish behavior. Some families may focus too much on competition and success and neglect the cultivation of morals and values in order to give their children a better education and opportunities. In this case, the child may become selfish and utilitarian, looking only for his own interests and not considering the feelings and needs of others.
Another possible reason is the proliferation of modern technology. With the proliferation of smartphones and electronic devices, children may become too addicted to the virtual world and ignore the interpersonal and social interactions in the real world. In this case, they may become more self-centered and have difficulty understanding and caring for the needs of others.
To avoid raising selfish children, there are a few things parents can do. First of all, pay attention to your behavior and attitude, don't spoil your children too much, and let them learn to share and cooperate. Secondly, it is necessary to focus on cultivating children's morals and values, and teaching them to understand and care for the needs of others. Also, limit the amount of time your child spends on electronic devices and encourage them to participate in real-world social activities.
Finally, it's important to remember that parenting a child is a long-term process that requires patience and persistence. Don't expect your child to become generous and sensible all at once, but guide them gradually and understand the importance of sharing and cooperation. With the right education and care, we can help our children become truly generous and kind people, rather than selfish and petty individuals.