Many three-body years later, when Yun Tianming woke up from the experimental table, he remembered the afternoon when he and Cheng Xin sat by the Miyun Reservoir.
A small boat folded with white paper was put into the water, Cheng Xin's slender fingers paddled the water, and the boat slowly swung away.
You look like you're on your mind. ”
Is your home **? How many people are in the family? ”
What's your favorite thing to do? ”
I heard that you like to read Kafka's **, and I like it too. ”
My classmates say you're a weirdo, I don't think so, I think your thoughts are very deep. ”
You see, our boat has swum so far that it will be submerged in the lake? ”
Next time, shall we come back to Miyun Reservoir? Remember to call me, see you or leave. ”
It was drizzling, and the lake was covered with a layer of fog, and the lake looked deeper and calmer in the thick fog. A gentle breeze blew, and the moist air was mixed with the smell of earth and grass. Cheng Xin picked up a stone and threw it into the distance, causing ripples on the surface of the water.
Our boat was out of sight. Cheng Xin looked at the water with a quiet and soft look. At that moment, Yun Tianming just wanted to stretch out his arms and take her into his arms, this may be the so-called love, Yun Tianming knew that he was hopelessly in love with Cheng Xin.
Suddenly, a flash of lightning tore through the gray sky, and then the rumbling thunder came from the sky, the sound became louder and louder, and when it reached directly above Yun Tianming and Cheng Xin, the sound reached the limit, like a landslide and a crack, like a nuclear bomb**. The originally calm lake was suddenly turbulent, the torrential rain was like a pour, and the water level was rapid**, Yun Tianming felt that he was about to be swallowed by the lake.
Cheng Xin, are you okay? Yun Tianming's first thought was Cheng Xin's safety, he looked around, there was no trace of Cheng Xin, and the girl who was sitting next to him just now seemed to have never existed. Has she been swallowed up by the lake? "Ah......Yun Tianming's heart felt like he had been stabbed by a knife, and the intense pain made him can't help but roar.
The elder sister walked towards him on the waves, holding a document in her hand, "Sign it here, and you will leave in your sleep without a little pain." ”
Not ......Don't ......I don't want to die ......Yun Tianming suddenly remembered that he was already a patient with cancer, and he had completely forgotten this when he chatted with Cheng Xin just now, and he was even looking forward to a beautiful love. How absurd, how ridiculous, Cheng Xin is so beautiful, and you are a cancer patient, you are looking forward to her love. "Ah......The intense grief made Yun Tianming miserable, no need to sign any bullshit documents, no need to euthanasia, just let this cold lake swallow me.
However, Cheng Xin ......Cheng Xin is in**? It was pitch black all around, Yun Tianming groped, roaring, like a lone wolf in a desperate situation, he couldn't die yet, he wanted to find Cheng Xin, he wanted to take her out of this terrible place.
His father appeared in front of him, sitting in a wheelchair and gently swaying with the undulations of the waves. "You go and die. Father's voice was soft, and against the backdrop of the rumbling thunder and torrential rain, every word penetrated his ears with great clarity. "My pension can't afford your medical bills, it's a bottomless pit, there's no point in spending it any longer, we'll all be dragged down. ”
Daddy, are you going to give up on me? I'm a useless waste, I can only live as a burden to you, okay, I'll die, sister, bring your papers, I'll sign it now, no, I don't need any bullshit euthanasia, there's no need, I'm not afraid of death, just let this lake drown me. Yuntian Ming Dynasty Lake ** walked, the cold lake water quickly came from his waist to his chest, and the strong feeling of pressure made it difficult for him to breathe. He remembered Kafka's ** "Father", where the father said to his son: You go to die. The son said, "All right, I'm going to die." The son ran into the street, climbed onto the overpass, and jumped without the slightest hesitation. Yun Tianming felt a hearty pleasure, since my death can make you all happy, then I will die immediately.
A bone-chilling pain struck, the pain was so strong that it could not be described in words, as if a knife was cutting through your flesh and skin, as if there was a hammer smashing your bones one by one, no, far more than that, the pain Yun Tianming felt was a thousand times stronger than this, ten thousand times stronger, he used all his strength to let out a howl, and then passed out in an instant.
To be precise, Yun Tianming woke up again. The lake that soaked his body was nothing more than a cold embalming liquid, no, there was no body, there was only one head soaked in the large round vessel, Yun Tianming's head.
That was many, many years ago, and Yun Tianming didn't know exactly how many years it was, since he entered space, he had lost the concept of time, he only remembered that it was the crisis year on Earth.
He was suffering from cancer and was preparing to sign the papers for his euthanasia. Cheng Xin found him and told him about the "ladder plan" they were working on.
Yun Tianming accepted the plan, and his brain was carried into space by a kite. This kite is called an unpowered aircraft to be precise, and its body is so small that it can only fit a head. A pair of wings are large and thin, and this pair of wings is actually a radiant sail, one of the functions of which is to adjust the attitude and control the direction; The second function is the radiant wind after receiving the nuclear bomb**, providing the aircraft with continuous acceleration power.
Yun Tianming didn't know how many years his brain had been wandering in the vast universe. At the beginning of the plan, it went smoothly, and wherever the aircraft went, nuclear bombs were launched one after another, and strong radiation winds continued to accelerate for it, flying in the direction of the trimaran fleet.
Later, things changed, a rope broke, the radiant sail began to flip and twist, the aircraft was out of its intended orbit, there was no nuclear bomb to accelerate it, the Trimaran Fleet could no longer detect it, and the flying machine carrying a head became a speck of dust in the vast universe, which could only drift aimlessly until its final destruction.
The terrifying thing is that Yun Tianming's consciousness has not been lost. In Cheng Xin's plan, they finally wanted to send a fully functional brain to the three-body person, so they used the most advanced means to ensure that Yun Tianming's brain remained intact during this unpredictable journey, which was a kind of torture that was worse than death for Yun Tianming.
The alternation of lethargy, wakefulness, lethargy, and wakefulness again constitutes the entire journey of Yun Tianming. Every time he awoke from his slumber, there was nothing but silence and darkness around him, and he felt like he had been abandoned by the entire galaxy. At this moment, a long-troubled question will always come to mind: why did he agree to Cheng Xin to participate in this uncertain, absurd, and almost unlucky "ladder plan"?
Is it love for the earth? Is it a responsibility to human civilization? Do you want to play the role of a savior and be embraced by the earthlings for eternity?
No, it's not like that, he doesn't have much affection for that blue planet, every day spent there is unhappy, he has no attachment to the earth, he doesn't have attachment to humans, not even to his family, to his father and sister. If his mother was still alive, maybe everything would not be like this, but unfortunately the "ifs" in this world cannot become true, he has not been loved, and he will naturally not give love.
So, is it because of Cheng Xin? Is it because of your love for Cheng Xin? Whenever he thought of this, Yun Tianming's heart would tingle, although he only had a brain left, no body, no heart, but that heartache was permanently imprinted in a certain neuron of the brain.
If it had been many years ago, Yun Tianming would have given an affirmative answer without hesitation: Yes, the reason why he participated in this ladder plan was entirely because of Cheng Xin. He didn't have so many noble ideas, and he didn't want to be a hero to save mankind, it was entirely because Cheng Xin came to him, and he agreed, because he loved Cheng Xin, and he was willing to do anything for her, including buying a star for her.
However, when his head wandered alone in the vast universe for countless days and nights, he began to re-examine his relationship with Cheng Xin, did he really love her? Or does he still love her now? He didn't know, he felt lost.
The father said to him that you should die, and he could understand it, because he was a drag on them.
My sister said to him that you should go for euthanasia, and he could understand it, because it was a relief for him.
Cheng Xin said to him that we are going to send you to space, send you to join the three-body people, and let you gain eternal life. He couldn't understand it, he only felt great fear. He is afraid of space, he studied astronautics, he knows better than others the dangers of space, and he knows that hell is not on the ground but in the sky. And Cheng Xin wants his part, the part that carries the soul, to wander forever in the boundless and infinitely cold dark abyss.
And that's not the worst outcome.
If it is intercepted by the Trisolarans and resurrected, it will be a real nightmare. Those three-body people, no, who knows if they are human beings, they are most likely bugs, monsters that can grow heads in their heads, they will do everything to torture him, in order to solve the mystery of the human brain, they will use his head to do all kinds of experiments, without any humane and ethical taboos.
They'll connect his brain to sensory interfaces and then do a variety of sensory input experiments. First of all, the feeling of pain and fear, they will make him experience hunger, will make him go three days and three nights without water, will make him experience the feeling of whipping and burning, the feeling of suffocation, and the feeling of tiger chair and electric torture, the feeling of Ling Chi. They would throw him into a snake nest, and the animal he hated the most was the snake, and just thinking about the cold-blooded creature that was twisted and twisted, spitting cores, with triangular heads, and covered in stinking slime, made him involuntarily start to shiver and feel nauseous.
And what is even more terrifying is that after so much cruel torture, he cannot be humiliated and die to achieve permanent liberation like historical figures in history books and film and television dramas. His brain will never die, at most it will only be shock, for the Trisolaran, it is similar to a computer crash, they can restart him indefinitely, and then start the next round of experiments, the experiment goes on over and over again, and in the end it is purely a pastime, a boring prank. He has no possibility of liberation, he has no hands and no body, he can't bite his tongue to commit suicide, his brain is like a battery, being charged with painful electricity over and over again, endlessly.
Therefore, his father and sister just let him die, and Cheng Xin wanted to send him to hell, and he really needed to go to the eighteenth layer of hell like going up the knife mountain and going down to the sea of fire into the oil pot.
Yun Tianming originally thought that he had just thought of this, but later he found out that it was not, these thoughts did not come to mind when he was floating in the dark space, but a long time ago, when he was still lying on the hospital bed, when Cheng Xin was just talking to him about the "ladder plan", it had already entered his mind.
Since he had already figured this out at that time, why did he still agree to Cheng Xin?
There is only one answer, he has had enough of humans, and now, he wants to try the Trisolarans, and he is glad that he still has this curiosity.
Therefore, Yun Tianming was unwilling to wander endlessly as a space junk, and he looked forward to being intercepted by the Trisolarans as soon as possible, even if he had to go to the knife mountain and go down to the oil pot.