Have you ever encountered such a situation: your friends have told you that the person you love is an out-and-out "scumbag", he often makes you sad and is not very good to you, but you just can't do without him. I know in my heart that he may not change for you, but you just can't let go.
In the variety show "Goodbye Lover", Zhang Shuo and Wang Sleepian are such a couple.
Wang Mianmian has his own career and is also beautiful, so it stands to reason that there is no need to live by a man, and there is no need to prove himself with a man's love.
Faced with Zhang Shuo, who was completely unchangeable, Wang Mian could leave in style and find her own life, but she didn't.
It took her ten years of youth and three years of marriage to see a person clearly, but she stubbornly wanted to continue to persevere, so that she was bruised in this doomed marriage.
It is said that love is not reciprocated, but in reality, few people can really face a backwater marriage, and they don't care at all.
Wang sleeps and sleeps himself in the cage of marriage, becoming more and more depressed.
She understands all the truths, but she still can't do without Zhang Shuo.
Maybe she can't do without this person, but she is reluctant to give up her ten years of youth, and she doesn't want her past to go down the drain.
She tried countless times to find the same Zhang Shuo as she used to be, and tried her best to invest more emotional value and economic value in him, but it was still in vain.
The more she invested, the harder it was to let go and let her fall into an impasse.
Maybe it's the fear of giving up a bad relationship and losing, but ignoring it, you may be hurt more.
1. Sunk cost effect
Sunk costs refer to those costs that have been invested and cannot be supplied, such as time, money, etc.
In love, the sunk cost effect manifests itself in the fact that the more we invest in someone, the harder it is to let go. Because giving up means that all the previous efforts are in vain, and we always tend to avoid losses.
It's like if you spend a lot of money on a movie ticket and find out that it's a bad movie after watching it, but you still want to watch it to recoup the cost.
The same is true in love, we may be reluctant to leave a "scumbag" because we have invested too much, and we always feel that we can change him if we work harder. It's like a king sleeping.
This kind of love is like a gambling game that is destined to lose, knowing that it is not worth taking the time to gamble, but I am reluctant to invest in it, and I always feel that next time, next time I can win.
However, the choice of life is never a one-time investment that can turn the situation around, and it may be doomed from the beginning, but the people in it let themselves become addicted and trapped.
2. Emotional dependence
Emotional dependence is the intense need and attachment that people have for someone when they have a deep relationship with them.
This dependence may stem from the care, support, and companionship given by the other person to meet our inner needs. At the same time, it may also be because of our own psychological needs, and we need to rely on the other person to fill some kind of emptiness or anxiety.
Emotional dependence often makes it difficult for us to let go of the other person, even if the other person's behavior has shown that he is a "scumbag". We are used to life with him, and we feel that leaving him is like losing our support, and this uneasiness makes us reluctant to let go.
We are constantly making excuses for each other, trying to convince ourselves to stay in an unhealthy relationship because we can't afford the psychological cost of losing the other person.
However, emotional dependence is not true love. When we realize that we can't exist independently of the other person and can't come to terms with the pain of a breakup, we need to learn to look at our emotional dependence.
We need to recognize that we have not lost a loved one, but an unhealthy relationship and someone who does not respect us.
Emotional dependence isn't scary, it's just a feeling in our hearts. We need to learn to face it, deal with it, and eventually overcome it. Only in this way can we truly get out of the predicament and find our own happiness.
3. The psychological expectations in love are out of touch with reality
In love, we have all had beautiful expectations and fantasies. However, sometimes these psychological expectations do not correspond to reality, causing us to get into trouble.
In the early stages of our relationship, we tend to only see each other's strengths and ignore the potential shortcomings. This phenomenon of "in the eyes of the lover" makes us expect too much from our partners.
As time passes, the true face of the other party is gradually revealed, and it is only then that we realize that there is a huge gap between reality and psychological expectations.
In the face of this disconnection, we often have a fluke mentality, thinking that we can change the other person through hard work. But the brutal truth is that it's almost impossible to change a person.
This unrealistic expectation keeps us tangled and miserable, unwilling to face reality.
The disconnect between psychological expectations and reality can also lead us to over-give in our relationships. Because we always feel that we can change the other person, and the more we pay, the higher the sunk cost, and the more difficult it is to let go.
Sometimes, it does take courage and determination to leave a "scumbag". But remember that true love is built on mutual respect, understanding, and support.
The sunk cost of love is painful, but we must not lose hope and courage because of it.
Love is not the whole of life, believe in yourself, believe in the future, you will eventually get out of the haze and welcome your own sunshine.