At the end of the year, there is a sense of green and yellow
I'm very disgusted with the crowding of passengers in the subway like zombies, just to grab a seat, so I wait for them to finish before entering, and I basically don't sit, occasionally sit down, if a group of people come up and sit next to me, I feel uncomfortable being squeezed, I will stand up and stand to the side. This world is very deviant, no one seems to want to do edifying things, no one seems to care about whether people are educated or not, those experts have time to say don't set off firecrackers in the New Year, don't burn straw, why not call on the whole people to improve their moral quality, those celebrities, and many well-known bloggers are also unwilling to advocate these, is it that the whole people defecate everywhere is what they want to see. In the morning, there was another scene on the subway that made me indignant, the two old people inside had not come out, and the people outside rushed in, and the old man hid, as if he was going to be hit, I immediately shouted: "Let the old man come out first, young people like to grab seats so much." "Those people looked back at me, very dissatisfied looks, those eyes really looked like they wanted to kill, these young people are post-00s, I am not prejudiced against the post-00s, but these children lack discipline, self-righteousness, after all, everything is born to be solved by parents, parents are also a kind of doting on them, they feel that what they do is taken for granted, others do for themselves is also taken for granted, others should serve themselves, others owe themselves. Where I live is the subway on the road, there are schools around, often I go into the subway and take the elevator down will hold down to open the door to the people who rush over, almost all of them are young students, there are also black people, they don't say "thank you", they just pick up their phones and look at them when they come in. I don't know if these students are local, provincial, or provincial, and whether the surrounding schools have taught them politeness, morality, and academics. Or their parents are too indulgent to them, too much to pamper them, and have power in the family, and feel that they don't need to be polite to others, especially ordinary people who are hungry and cold, and they don't need any grace and tolerance for these people, and they feel that it is difficult for these children to say "hello", "thank you", "sorry".
It may be that I grew up in a poor peasant family, suffering from mental devastation, weak psychology and timid heart need to be cared for, hope to be warmly accepted, so I will show politeness, when I go down the escalator, someone in front of me will stop first, and then say "Hello, borrow it", many people hear it is also ignorant of it, and look at the mobile phone as usual. When I take the subway, if I accidentally step on someone else, I will immediately wave my hand to signal, that is, I'm sorry, I'm embarrassed, and sometimes I will say it, because I am a low-level person, so these polite words are said** I think it's very easy, the children of those rich people are pampered, they are bullying the children of poor families on weekdays, they have never suffered a loss, they feel that saying polite words is an insult to themselves, and they feel that they will lose the price, especially to ordinary people, if they are more powerful than themselves, of course they will nod their heads and flatter. In the past, when I was in Beijing, I was very polite, and others would cooperate, and I would not make a fuss and be cynical, but it was different in local cities, and literary and artistic passions were easy to be fussed and cynical, and ordinary politeness would also be fussed and ridiculed. There are many bad habits in life, and everyone is used to it, such as defecating in the open, running red lights, grabbing seats, gossiping, jealousy for no reason, greed, etc., these are the vulgarities that are repeatedly banned in life, and they will participate when they get used to it, and then they smell like each other and cherish each other. When I was a child, I was in the countryside, many young people in the town did not farm, they all went to play cards, played mahjong, idle all day long, lazy to eat, their theory is that if a man does not know how to eat, drink, prostitute and gamble, he is not a man. Because I didn't participate in eating, drinking, prostituting and gambling, I was looked down upon by many ordinary people, and even wanted to beat my idea of eating money, and I didn't have the opportunity to get in touch with literary and artistic groups, and talk about the past and the present with them, so I could only be talked about and entangled by dirty flies and maggots.
The children of the rich do not need to be polite to ordinary people, they feel that they have no value, they feel that they must be successful and famous when they go to college, and the family relationship is there, who will not give face to their family, and it is the same whether the poor go to college or not, and it is difficult to find a decent job. Cui Yizai, the protagonist of the Korean drama "Death is Coming", is an ordinary family, he has always wanted to find a decent job in the office, but he has been rejected, and finally he chose to commit suicide by jumping off the building. I am more desolate than Cui Yi's family, my relationship with my adoptive father, and his relatives are all detached, my adoptive father often says that I am not his biological child, and his relatives often say that I am not a relative, Cui Yi has a mother to take care of him, and there is a female writer who is willing to be with him, and she can be regarded as a talented woman and a beautiful woman. He just has low self-esteem and is afraid of being looked down upon, so he feels not ashamed to have a decent job, even if he has good grades in school, but he is an ordinary person's family, he has no connections, and no company has hired him, so he can only temporarily do some grassroots work, and he feels wronged. If you want to say that the qualification for suicide should be me, not Cui Yizai, I have been looking for a job has not been smooth, when I was in Fuzhou, I was just looking for some jobs in the warehouse, the time of the warehouse was very punctual, I got off work at six o'clock in the evening, and I could also have a literary and artistic passion when I returned to the rented house, and the warehouse was not a decent job. Because of long-term sabotage and harassment, my work has not been smooth, but when I look for temporary security guards, the destruction of the saboteur seems to have weakened, think about it is also very understandable, almost all of the security guards are uneducated and thoughtless people, they do not care about the world's major affairs, insensitive, and stingy, like intrigue, fall into the well, and the profession is also easy to be discriminated against by the owner, cold-eyed. Although the warehouse work is also rough work, but I am looking for basic e-commerce companies, everyone wears casual clothes, in addition to the people in the warehouse and customer service, the existence of girls seems to stimulate the nerves of the executioner, how many people in the e-commerce company have some experience, they must know more than the security guards, and they can chat a few words, they want to use the working environment of the security guards to completely kill my literary and artistic passion, and the strangulation of me is from childhood to adulthood, it is really step by step, racking my brains.
This year's time is basically to do online car-hailing part-time jobs, more free, is to buy a mobile phone to make yourself ruined, for me, a person who has no savings, it is really a catastrophe, at the end of the year, the business is not good, there is really a feeling of making things worse. I haven't had a backpack out for a few months, which has delayed a lot of reading time, and before the backpack would put a tablet in the bag, I used the tablet to read ancient books, and not being able to read stably will also deepen the inner stimulation. A few days ago, I went to Sijiqing to buy a leather shoulder bag, not to put those *** bags at the door, those leather bags I dare not buy again, I bought it before I just carried it out and peeled off, the bag is genuine leather, but it has deteriorated after being put in the warehouse for a long time, ** bag can only buy a bag of fabric, and the fabric is stronger than the leather bag. There is a store aunt knows me, see me look at the door of the bag a little unhappy, yin and yang weird said that my bag is not very cheap, because I have been shopping a few times before, think her things are expensive did not buy, aunt also said to the boss next door, see her so I left, to another directly in the store to buy one, back a few days without peeling. A few days ago, I bought a set of security uniforms and a set of black suits in **, and now at the end of the year, online car-hailing is not easy to do, there are few drivers, and there is no platform to sell, and I am often calculated by my peers, so I buy a set of security uniforms to see if there is a daily security guard at the end of the year to do it for a few days. People will say that I am a psychotic, it seems that the black intermediary who eats data, and the black ground that falls into the well will not be neurotic, they will be normal, I think the word neurosis is still clean compared to exploitation, oppression, fraud, slander, slander, jealousy, and greed. If I, a neurotic, are educated, thoughtful, polite, and compassionate, then this world is really ironic, and a bad world will kill people and drive people crazy. This world is very shocking, my own affairs seem to have become a national matter, everyone has to be judged, I don't eat, drink, prostitute and gamble, I don't marry broken shoes, I don't give up my literary and artistic passion, I have directly become the public enemy of the public, I just hide like this, my heart is haggard, life is like a frightened bird, and the grass and trees are soldiers. (January 2024).