Daughter who marries far away: Mother's family or in-law's family for the New Year?
Every Spring Festival, an old topic is brought out again: Should a daughter who marries far away spend the New Year at her mother's house or her mother-in-law's house? This question may seem simple, but it carries deep cultural connotations and family feelings. In the past, this confusion was rooted in feudal society, in order to respect family traditions and maintain the order of marriage, women were believed to be members of their husband's family once they married, and returning to their parents' home for the New Year could bring "disaster". Today, although social attitudes have changed, this problem still bothers many people. Have you ever faced such a choice? Let's take a look.
While scrolling through my phone on the internet, I came across a heart-wrenching piece of news. A Guizhou woman married far away to Anhui, but was scolded in public by her father-in-law, and even slapped because she wanted to go back to her parents' home for the New Year. Such behavior is outrageous and unacceptable. I thought, if it were your daughter, how would you feel? Fortunately, the woman's husband behaved considerately and resolutely decided to drive 1,600 kilometers to bring his wife back to her parents' home, and expressed his willingness to sacrifice his property in Anhui to buy a new house in Guizhou. As a woman who marries far away, I feel the same way. Once, I could only go back to my parents' house once in a few years, and this feeling is really indescribable.
Why can't a woman go back to her parents' house for the New Year after getting married? This contains the low status of women in ancient times, as well as the complicated relationship between the mother's family and the husband's family. Although the status of women has improved and the concept of family has evolved, there is still confusion about this issue. However, as a traditional festival, the Spring Festival is supposed to be a time of reunion. If work and family allow, going back to your parents' home or your in-laws' house for the New Year should not be an insurmountable threshold.
However, in real life, many people are troubled by this. My friend Xiao Nan is one of them. She married from Hunan to Shandong, married for 5 years, and only had one chance to return to her parents' home. Now, the child is 3 years old, and she wanted to take the child back to her parents' house for the New Year, but because her mother-in-law was not in good health, she could not leave, and finally could only spend the New Year at her mother-in-law's house. Xiaonan's mood can be imagined, seeing her colleagues preparing to go home for the New Year, her heart is full of helplessness and sadness, but she can't tell her mother about this emotion, for fear of making her worry and sad. In contrast, my best friend Yueyue did very well. She is also a girl who has been married far away, has been married for 6 years, and every year the question of "whose house to go to for the New Year" can be well handled.
Yueyue adopted three different ways to celebrate the New Year, which made both her in-laws and her mother-in-law very satisfied. First of all, she chose to celebrate the New Year in turns. When she first got married, in order to conform to the habits of her in-laws, she and her husband discussed and decided to "go to her in-laws' house one year and her mother's house one year", so that the elderly on both sides were satisfied. Secondly, she flexibly arranges the time for the New Year according to the length of the holiday. Choose to go to your in-laws' house first during short vacations and go back to your parents' house during long vacations to maintain the balance between the two family members. Finally, with the birth of the child, Yueyue put forward the suggestion of celebrating the New Year together. She discussed with her mother-in-law and mother and decided to bring the three families together for the New Year, creating a warm "reunion" year. Now, as the child grows up, she plans to try the "Cloud New Year" and spend the festival with her relatives from afar.
Yueyue's wisdom and empathy are admirable. Not only did she delight her family, but it also showed how much she valued family reunions. What could be more important than the happiness of the family in this time of great reunion?
However, in real life, there are still some couples who have disagreements because of the Chinese New Year. If you're facing such a challenge, don't be overly anxious. Communicate well with your significant other, express your ideas, listen to him, and maybe find a suitable solution. If communication fails, you might as well find a compromise, such as traveling to other places for the New Year, to give each other some fresh experiences.
After getting married, we must not only take care of our own small family, but also respect each other's everyone. No matter if you choose to celebrate the New Year in **, you hope to spend the festival together in an atmosphere of reunion. Are you planning to celebrate the New Year this year?