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During World War II, Roosevelt of the United States, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Soviet leader Joseph Stalin gathered in Tehran to discuss the plan of the United States and Britain to open up a second battlefield in Western Europe and cooperate with the East and the West to fight against Germany.
During the meeting, Stalin saw British Foreign Secretary Eden and handed Churchill a note. Churchill read the note, wrote a few words on it and passed it back to Aiden, who glanced at it and crumpled it up and threw it into the paper basket.
Stalin saw it in his eyes and remembered it in his heart, thinking that they were engaged in some "conspiracy", and even suspected that the note had a secret about the second battlefield!
When everyone had left the room at the end of the meeting, Stalin ordered one of his security officers to pick up the paper balls and have them translated for him. Stalin laughed. It turned out that Aiden wrote, "Dear Winston, the zipper of your pants is open. Churchill wrote: "Thank you, the eagle will not fall out of the nest." ”
One day, Clinton was invited to participate in a television talk show.
The host asked him, "What do you do when you come to the forest with a shotgun and see a dog staring at a rabbit?" Your actions will reflect your true inner world. ”
Clinton replied without hesitation: "I'm going to raise my shotgun and shoot the dog and take the rabbit home." ”
The host exclaimed: "It's so accurate! The dog represents your wife and the rabbit represents your lover. ”
In order to invent the electric light, the great inventor Edison experimented year after year and neglected his wife. Finally, one night, when the light bulb finally came on, he was overjoyed, rushed out of the laboratory, rushed into the bedroom and said to his wife, "Honey, I made it, the light bulb is on." ”
The wife lazily turned over and said, "Then turn off the lights and go to sleep." ”
Avanti went to the palace to meet the king, and the king invited him to eat chickens, and before eating chickens, he asked him to divide them.
Avanti gave the head of the chicken to the king, saying that he was supreme; gave the neck to the queen, saying that she was above ten thousand people under one person; Give the wings to the princess, saying that she will spread her wings and fly high; He gave the chicken feet to the prince, saying that he would inherit the great cause in a down-to-earth manner; Give the butt to the butler, saying that his mouth is sharp and smelly, and he knows how to pat the ass.
Avanti gave himself the identity of a chicken, on the grounds that the body of the chicken had no symbolic meaning except for meat. The king's family was coaxed to be very happy, and Avanti was even happier, and ate happily.
Many people know Ji Xiaolan. Ji Xiaolan's tongue is amazing! Everyone in the world knows that he is knowledgeable, eloquent, and quick-witted. Emperor Qianlong naturally knew about it. One day, Qianlong thought, I want to find a way to test his wit.
So, he brought Ji Xiaolan over and said to Ji Xiaolan: "Ji Xiaolan! "The minister is here! "I ask you: What is loyalty and filial piety? Ji Xiaolan said: "The king told the minister to die, and the minister had to die, for loyalty; The Father told the Son to die, and the Son had to die, for filial piety. Taken together, it is called loyalty and filial piety. ”
As soon as Ji Xiaolan finished answering, Qianlong took over: "Okay! Then I will give you death. Ji Xiaolan was stunned at the time: Why did you suddenly give me a death? The joke was too big, but as soon as the emperor Chrysostom opened, there was no joke. Ji Xiaolan had no choice but to thank Lord Long En, bow three times and knock nine times, and then left.
At this time, Qianlong thought: "What can I do with this Ji Xiaolan?" If you don't die, you come back, it is the sin of deceiving the king; But it's a pity if he dies, and his subordinates will be missing a pillar. Of course, Qianlong knew that Ji Xiaolan would not let himself die easily, and there must be some way to save him. So he waited and watched.
After half a pillar of incense, Ji Xiaolan ran back panting and knelt down for Qianlong. Qianlong pretended to be very serious and said, "Bold, Ji Xiaolan!" Didn't I give you a death? Why did you run back again? Ji Xiaolan said: "Your Majesty, the minister is dead, I was about to jump into the river to commit suicide, and I was about to jump into the river, Qu Yuan suddenly came out of the river, and he said angrily, you kid is such a bastard, I committed suicide by throwing myself into the Luojiang River back then, because King Chu Huai was mediocre; Today's emperor is magnanimous, wise and open-minded, how can you die?! As soon as I heard that, I came back. ”
Hearing this, Qianlong was speechless: You let him die, you are just mediocre; But let him live, his emperor's face can't get off the stage. In the end, Qianlong had to laugh at himself and said: "What a Ji Xiaolan, you are really good at arguing!" ”
* During the period, once, Han Fuyu, chairman of Shandong Province, appeared on the podium of Qilu University's anniversary with his chest and belly, and made a speech that made people laugh off their big teeth.
Ladies and gentlemen, in all of you:
What weather is it today? Today is the weather for the presentation. Have you all the people in the meeting? It looks like it's about eight-fifths of the way around, so raise your hand if you didn't come! It's good, it's all here. You're here in abundance, and we're really cold......
Today, the brothers gathered everyone to train for a lesson, and if the brothers said something wrong, everyone should understand each other, because the brothers can't compare with everyone. You are cultural people, all college students, middle school students and foreign students, and you rabble are the chemistry of science, and you all understand it.
Seven or eight countries of English, brother, I am a big boss, and I don't even understand Chinese English......
You crawled out of the pen holder, brother I came out of the cannon barrel, and speaking here today really makes me shine and be grateful to Dade. Actually, I am not qualified to speak to you, just like ......It's like ......That's right, it's like playing the harp to a cow.
I'm not going to talk too much today, but I'm going to talk about three outlines (three things). The first program, Chairman Chiang's New Life Movement, my brothers and I agree with both hands, is one article, 'pedestrians walk on the right' is really inappropriate, it is too confusing, everyone think about it, pedestrians walk on the right, so who is left on the left?
The second program, brother, I really can't figure it out: foreigners have built embassies in Dongjiaomin Lane, Beijing, and there is a shortage of us Chinese. Why don't we build an embassy there in China? Speaking of which, the Chinese are really too weak!
The third program, talking about what he saw when he entered the school, reprimanded the director of general affairs for the students' basketball game
If it weren't for you, why would the school be so poor? What does it look like for a dozen people to grab a ball in their pants, what a ** view! Tomorrow I will go to my mansion to get another sum of money, buy a few more balls, and send one per person, so that you can earn me ...... again”
Those intoxicating high humors (1) Those intoxicating high humors (2).