Let's talk about one of the most prominent flaws of human nature - not being able to see others do well, as it is commonly called"I always love to laugh at others for being poor, hate others for being rich, and don't want to see others live happily, but always hope that others will live miserably and wronged"。
In fact, this problem is very common in daily life, but many people think that only strangers can show this dark side, and those close to us do not think this way at all. Are you sure? Not really. From a psychological point of view, people who are closer to us tend to be more reluctant to see us lucky, which is what we often call "close to hurt" people.
What does it mean to "hurt someone in close proximity"? It's about comparing yourself to the people around you and hurting them. Because it is easier to start with people who are close to you, and people who are farther away are less likely to interfere.
You must be careful about this, and do not simply assume that no one other than a stranger will show this shortcoming. In fact, the following groups of people who are frequently exposed to may also exhibit such a dark side.
1.Some relatives or friends who are close to each other but are not very close.
Previously, a reader left a message in the background saying that during the Spring Festival holiday, his husband Mr. Chen took his wife and children out for a trip. Seeing the beautiful scenery, tasting all kinds of delicious food, and staying in a luxurious hotel once, the feeling of comfort is really indescribable.
During the trip, Mr. Chen posted two updates, all of which were related to the scenery of the trip and a group photo of their family**. But he didn't see a few of his close relatives or friends give him a thumbs up.
When he returned, one of the younger brothers in the clan found him and told him, "Cousin, it is said that our relatives here have learned that you are rich, but they refuse to lend their hands to help, and they talk about it every day, and some even bully the poor with their wealth and belittle you behind your back!"
Mr. Chen was a little confused, he couldn't figure out why strangers who were relatively estranged from him just saw through it and didn't say anything, but on the contrary, family members who were a little related to him were full of hostility when they saw him having a comfortable holiday.
Everyone understands that the current economic situation is not very prosperous, you have a lot of money to travel around, and others are stretched thin and work hard, so in comparison, how can your show-off not make them resentful? This is the real state of life.
2.Practitioners in almost the same industry as you.
There is an old saying that is quite in place: peers are enemies. In the world of j, everyone is expecting others to be unlucky and make a lot of money.
For example, a person I know is named Lao Li, who had prosperous financial luck last year and made a lot of profits. happily shared with everyone in the peer group the secret of his success, what kind of method he used, and how much money he earned. His peers, who didn't have much friendship with him at the time, all looked at him with envy and praised him for having such a good result this year. However, Lao Yang, a brother who had a deep relationship with him, blocked him.
In January, when it was almost the New Year, Lao Li remembered that he hadn't contacted Lao Yang for a long time, so he sent him a message, only to find that the other party had deleted himself. He immediately called ** to inquire and asked Lao Yang if he had made a mistake. Lao Yang deliberately avoided his ** at first, and then Lao Li called several times in a row before he finally answered, and the two sides launched a heated debate on the matter, Lao Yang unreservedly accused Lao Li and criticized how bad his personal qualities were.
And, as far as I've observed, peers of the same income level as yours rarely interfere with your living situation.
3. Those peers who like to compare with you.
Two years ago, Lao Zhang in our village was so happy that he flew up, because his baby son was actually admitted to the high-profile 985 college! In order to let everyone share this joy together, Lao Zhang specially set up a few tables of meals and invited neighbors, relatives and friends and old classmates to have dinner.
At that time, an old friend of Lao Zhang's also came, but the smell of hiding a knife in his words was a little obvious, not that it was useless to study now, or that it would be difficult to gain a foothold in society if he became a nerd.
At first, Lao Zhang didn't care much about this old friend's words, until one day he accidentally heard that after other people's children became talents, some people said that his baby was like a piece of wood, and it was not much to go to 985 colleges and universities, and it was even better to go directly to a vocational school to learn technology and find a job.
So, Lao Zhang inquired and learned that these remarks that were not optimistic about his son mainly came from the old friend who was the same age as himself. His son failed the college entrance examination that year and enrolled in a secondary college with relatively ordinary grades, rather than a 985 university.
Oops, speaking of which, I have to mention the dark side of human nature. If your child is doing well in academics and someone else's child is not, then they may turn their nose up at your child and laugh at them for being just a nerd with no real talent. To put it bluntly, this is actually a typical "envy, jealousy and hate" mentality.
Whenever the second half of their lives are always happy to compare their peers with each other, they are always comparing their family background, income, and children's academic performance. In a word, I am always unhappy when I see others doing well, so I try my best to find some flaws.
Fourth, those iron buddies or girlfriends that you once believed in.
Once, I received a confiding from a female reader on WeChat.
She and a girl named Xiaoli were close sisters in college, and after graduation, the two remained close despite being in different cities. Later, when you chose to marry a local one-child villager and successfully entered the upper class to become Mrs. Kuo, Xiaoli also found her other half, who was also a small white-collar worker who worked hard.
However, one day, Xiaoli suddenly said to her: "It seems that your husband is just an ordinary local civil servant, and I have always felt that he is not worthy of you." Why don't you look for a better husband? This change made her not know how to deal with it at first, and then through understanding, she realized that Xiaoli had secretly managed to seduce and even harass her husband. Her husband told her all about this without reservation.
In fact, there is really such a heart-piercing saying: "I'm just afraid that your buddies or girlfriends will have a hard time, and I'm worried that they will suddenly buy a car to show off their wealth." "What I want to tell you is that the buddies or girlfriends you once thought you could definitely trust may be the ones who want you to work hard and have a bad time.