Psychologist Adler said"All human troubles originate from human relationships. ”
No matter who it is, the people who interact the most are their relatives; A lot of the troubles come from the family.
The relationship between parents and children will be harmonious because of the selflessness of parents and the growth of children. After all, people who have been a family can understand each other.
The relationship between brothers and sisters, when it is good, it is like siblings, and when it is bad, it becomes an enemy, and it is easy to go to extremes.
As siblings, everyone wants "family and everything to prosper", but without a sense of proportion, it will definitely not work.
Plain and plain is true", a comfortable sibling relationship should be: three inches, three feet, three feet.
The "tongue" is three inches shorter, talk less and listen more.
met a person who was very good at talking, and described him as having a "three-inch tongue".
During the Warring States period, the diplomat Su Qin was appreciated by the Yan State, and then united the six countries of Zhao, Qi, and Chu to form an alliance to deal with the Qin State together, thus maintaining peace for fifteen years.
When he was in Wei, he analyzed the geography, population, chariots and horses of Wei. He also pointed out that Wei paid tribute to Qin every year, and if Qin sent troops to attack, other countries would not come to the rescue.
He said: "If we do not consider maturity in advance, there will be great troubles in the future, so it is better for the six countries to work together."
King Wei said happily: "I have never heard such wise advice, and I am willing to obey the whole country." ”
Externally, many people rely on "tongue to eat", but for families, this cannot be the case. If everyone talks about it, it will inevitably be misunderstood, or talk about family ugliness.
It is even more undesirable to tell outsiders about the internal affairs of brothers and sisters.
Remember a saying: "Say less than three points when you meet people, and throw away all your hearts at the right time." "We have to treat our brothers and sisters with all our hearts, but we can't take out all the words, let alone attack.
Since ancient times, it has been difficult for Qing officials to cut off family affairs. It's better to be silent, or at least to say a few words.My eldest sister often talks about how good her son is and how good his work is.
We all know that the eldest sister's son is just working in the factory, which is really average compared to his peers.
But in the eyes of parents, their son is their own good, and they can always find advantages.
Following the words of the eldest sister, we will also like it, and put the words of "people compare people and refute" in our hearts, so that the atmosphere is more harmonious.
When someone complains and is angry, you take the initiative to shut up, although you don't say a word, but you play the role of "overcoming rigidity with softness" and being a good listener.
Born to the same parents, but the three views are not necessarily the same, the experiences are very different, the words cannot be "similar", and the control of the tongue is to maintain the relationship.
"Property" let three feet, there is a give-and-take.
Ming Dynasty writer Feng Menglong wrote a short story.
There was a ** and had five sons. According to common sense, he will let his son study hard and embark on a career in office. However, instead of doing so, he arranged for his eldest son to study, and the remaining sons were engaged in agriculture, handicraft workshops, trading and other industries.
Seeing that the father's position was only passed on to the eldest son, the other sons were very unconvinced. Relatives and friends also came to persuade them to show fairness and not to favor the eldest son.
This ** said a limerick poem: "People in the world are good at reading, but I'm afraid they can't read." Reading and looking at the minister, how many people can run to the golden step? Lang Bulang is not showy, and the collar of the long coat covers the front and back. ”
All walks of life have their own hardships and strengths, how can they blindly study?
Obviously, a good family, brothers and sisters are complementary, not "one side of a thousand cities".Some are rich, some are poor; Some people go to the rivers and lakes, and some people dig locally, don't care. If the parents have arrangements and opinions, they can put them forward, but they can't mess around for their own interests.
Once upon a time, King Tai of Zhou had three sons, Taibo, Zhongyong, and Ji Li.
Ji Li was deeply loved by his parents, and the other two sons, after being left out in the cold, did not lose heart, but migrated from the north to the south, settled in Meili, made a living by collecting medicine, and then established the state of Wu, and also left an allusion to "Taibo Ben Wu".
Most quarrels arise from the struggle for property. If you can make three feet, you can really "rely on yourself".If everyone is on their own, then the belongings of the big family will be insignificant. This is also to leave a virtue for the big family.
The "distance" is three zhang, and each goes back to his own home.
Liu Yiqing, the author of "Shishuo Xinyu", was originally a member of the Song clan of the Southern Dynasty, but in order to prove that he would not fight for the throne and would not rebel, he took the initiative to be transferred out, and then made the history of Jingzhou Thorn.
Some contradictions cannot be reconciled, and can only be alleviated by distance.
Even brothers and sisters in a village have to keep their distance by separating their families and building new houses.
Keeping a distance is the embodiment of taking the initiative to retreat, and it is also the demand for "separation". Otherwise, there will be more people under the eaves, like sparrows, chirping and making noise.My father and uncle lived in the same building, and the house was walled.
One day, my father noticed that there was a corner of my uncle's vegetable plot that extended to my family's territory.
The father was very angry and asked his uncle to theorize, but the uncle did not correct it, so the brother also had a conflict.
A few years later, my father and uncle moved to live in the city, and in different neighborhoods, the vegetable patch of the hometown became a bamboo forest.
Every time I came home, my father said, "Whose bamboo, ** can be distinguished?" The implication is that he has completely reconciled with his uncle.
Some messy things, out of sight; The eyes are clean, and everything is pleasing to the eye; If you don't see each other for a few months, you will miss it.
In the "Chinese", it is said: "Brothers are slanderous, insulting people." ”When brothers and sisters quarrel, people from a hundred miles away will laugh.
The saddest thing is that outsiders will take the opportunity to bully and sow discord.
Everything is lost, and it is necessary to grasp the proportion. If you love too hard, it is emotional kidnapping, and if you don't care too much, you will lose it. Thus, it is best to leave three inches of words, three feet of wealth, and three feet of distance.
There are big things, work together; The trivial things of life are the most comfortable to take care of.