Original text in the book:
You must unburden the unfortunate childhood and return it to those who are responsible.
* Adler said: "The lucky man has been in childhood all his life** The unfortunate man has been in **childhood all his life", but his "Inferiority and Transcendence" also says that "where there is inferiority, there must be transcendence".
Jung said that "your subconscious mind guides your life and you call it destiny", but he also said that "when the subconscious mind is seen, your destiny will be rewritten".
Therefore, even if there is an unspeakable past, we must strive to change, after all, a long life cannot live forever in the so-called fate.
I know that I am not so good, I still accept my imperfections, if I can't accept it, then I will change, life is so long, I must learn to reconcile with myself.
Contact: I only need to remember one thing deeply to save myself. My nurturing pain is not my fault. The nurturing staff opened and closed their mouths to tell me to be grateful to them, which made me uncomfortable, and it was normal for me to feel uncomfortable. They provide me with basic material life, which is my responsibility as a nurturer.
My grandparents took care of me because they didn't educate my dad well, and when my dad beat my mom, my grandma not only didn't help stop it, but also told my dad to be quiet, don't let the next door hear the joke, and took me away, and closed the door, they hurt my mother's **.
My mother couldn't stand being beaten and ran away, she was running for her life, in front of the child and life, if she chose to stay for me even if it was ***, I don't think I could afford it. She didn't make the wrong choice, and if it were me, I probably would have done the same.
My uncle and aunt took care of me, and it was not my choice, they were still attached to my grandparents at home at that time, and taking care of us was a favor for my grandparents, this was their choice, and I should not be responsible for it. On the other hand, I have been helping my aunt with her children, and the first thing her children will call is sister.
After graduating from high school, I went to live with my aunt for a month, and I didn't ask for money to make up lessons for my cousin, and then my cousin went to school again and became the first place, and my uncle gave me good news, but I only felt that I didn't owe him, and I was not happy. After all, my own sister and I didn't stay at home to help with tuition.
My aunt and uncle picked me up, and my grandmother also said that my aunt's pregnancy was not fun and boring, and second, I remember that when I was in the third grade, my aunt asked me to rush to help sweep the floor and wash my clothes, and my uncle also threw the watermelon peel in the place where I had already swept it to ......Her aunt is also a mom and dad who help her.
Writing this, it seems that my aunt has never said how much she takes care of me, how much she pays for me, and even after I get married, she said that I should take care of myself and not worry too much.
What makes me uncomfortable is that she always talks about my mom and doesn't look down on my mom like my grandmother.
My dad was so excessive, but after I got married, he told me that I just had to live a good life. He also gave me a part of the banquet money and took all the bride price away from me, saying that I don't owe anyone anything, and I can live by myself.
Grandma said ugly things, and Dad said let me ignore it, and he owes it, and it has nothing to do with me.
Compared to my grandmother, who felt that I didn't give enough money every time I went back for the New Year's holiday, my father considered that we had a mortgage, and it was not easy to raise a baby, so I didn't need to buy anything, but carefully went home early to prepare a lot of food, waiting for us to go back.
He also said that he didn't want us to spend money, although I would always quarrel with him when I went back, but my mother said that he was happy, and thought that I was capable, bold, and someone spoiled me, helped me, and found someone who loved me.
My husband also said that you are the pride of your father.
I feel the same way now. Two days before my dad went, I called me **, I could hear his caution, he said he made a long story short, I still disliked him for arguing me to sleep, and I had morning self-study the next day. I didn't think it would be our last call.
And before my grandfather died, my husband and I bought some things to go back, and my mother said there, let me not buy a bunch of things, I don't have to bring anything, just take the baby back to play, and prepare everything. When I found out that I had prepared something for my grandparents, I said I wouldn't give it to them.
But when my husband and I went to visit my father's grave, we passed by the door of my grandfather's house and saw my grandfather sitting at the door, and when we came back from the grave, my grandfather was standing directly on the side of the road. I said hello to my husband and went back to get my things and came back to see him.
Then we went back and got something and went to see my grandfather, and I found that he had lost several teeth, but when I talked to him, he was able to respond to me very clearly. I asked him if his grandmother went to ** and when she went, and he said that he went to his uncle's house, and he went after lunch.
The husband lit a cigarette for the grandfather, and the child followed over and shouted a few words to the grandfather.
Unexpectedly, two days later, my mother contacted my husband and said that my grandfather had gone.
My husband said that my mother didn't let me tell me immediately, just like my father's death, my grandfather and my father both died in the early morning, but my mother only told my husband to let me sleep enough and then tell me, afraid that I would cry, afraid that I would cry.
My husband also said that I didn't listen to my mother and didn't go to see my grandfather, otherwise I would feel guilty again, which is true.
When my father went, my husband took tens of thousands of dollars to keep me steady, my grandmother and mother still need my support, I am the eldest daughter, I have to be strong, notify my younger brothers and sisters, and let them go back.
When my grandfather went, my husband said that he was protecting his mother, and my grandfather also had his own daughter and younger son, and my mother only had me to support him.
I have to say that I have been well protected, they are giving me everything they can give me, and someone is telling me not to have a burden to live strongly. Someone is teaching me that I have no conscience, and I hope that in my heart, they are the only one, and I am always grateful to them.
But I am a very ordinary and ordinary person, I have my own small family, I have my own busy work, I have my own small circle that needs to be maintained, I have limited ability alone, and I can't take care of all these people who I think I should be grateful.
Now I make my responsibilities clear, taking care of my children is my shared responsibility with my husband, my mother-in-law is good to me, good to my children, and I will be good to her.
As for my grandmother, my mother, and my younger siblings, I am married, and I mainly take care of myself and my small family, if I still have the energy to spare, I will often go home to see my mother, and by the way, to see my grandmother. Buy something or give some money, what I can, not because they say I should, but with my own heart, let myself feel at ease.
Or in other words, everything we give and do is to make ourselves feel at ease, and we don't have much to do with the people around us.
In the future, in my life, I will be the first in my life, my husband will be in the second, my children will be in the third, and the others will be other ......
There is no obligation, no obligation. From the day I entered the operating room, I thought that if I survived this time, every day after that would be earned for me.
Tomorrow and accidents, you never know which one will come first. Now I don't enjoy life anymore and feel guilty and sorry for anyone. I only feel sorry for myself that I have missed so many beautiful moments to enjoy life, always thinking that I am not worthy, and I have a deep inferiority complex.
In fact, I deserve the best love in the world (I think what my husband gives to his children), I deserve all the beauty in this world, I cherish every moment, live well, live well.