The words of the children's rhyme are more brilliant
The author found that some students' nursery rhymes are generally good, but the quality is somewhat affected by the inaccurate use of individual words. If it is slightly modified, it will be more perfect. Such as "The Sun":
The red sun shines on the flowers, and the flowers compete for beauty and open their mouths to smile; The red sun shines on the tree, and the tree is slowly growing taller.
Among them, "contending" is a written language, which is changed to "contending", which is not only colloquial, but also more vivid and dynamic; changed "slowly" to "desperately", changed slow to fast, wrote the psychology and spirit of the tree, and said that children are bathed in the sunshine of the party, you chase me and grow up healthily.
"In front of the door is the park" writes the scenes of "grandparents, uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters" in various ways in the park to relax and be quiet, such as a beautiful picture of leisure. However, the word "open smile" in "adults and children, open smiles" is too poetic and not a nursery rhyme language.
How is the oil pan good? is a popular nursery rhyme for fire science, which is rare in student works and is worth advocating. However, the word "cheng" in "otherwise the oil will splash out and make your hands and faces blistered" is inappropriate, and it is more accurate to change it to the word "qi".
Take a look at "The Wool Coat":
Yesterday was my birthday, and my mom bought a woolen sweater. I'm wearing a really good look, warm and winter.
Writing about great maternal love, so that I will no longer be cold in winter, is a good theme of gratitude. However, the word "spirit" has a sense of showing off, which affects the author's image and reduces the quality of the work.
Morning Glory wrote:
Morning glory, like a trumpet, is blowing "tick-tick" all day long. Morning glory, don't blow it, spring has arrived!
The use of anthropomorphic techniques to depict the unique image of morning glory that is both enthusiastic and a little sluggish, is very wonderful. But the "likeness" of "morning glory, like a trumpet" is a simile here, and it is not used well, and it is itself a trumpet that has been blowing in connection with the following. Therefore, it is better to use metaphors, but how about changing them to "small"?
* The Bride:There is a bride named Chen Ying, ** who is busy saving people. Not flinching in the face of danger, the "**bride" is famous.
This children's song timely and directly describes and praises the civilian heroes in the earthquake relief, which is worthy of being an excellent children's song on current politics and reflects the author's insight. But "famous" is not used well, it seems that "**bride" is to be famous, and the author's eyes are on "famous", which is not conducive to the correct formation of outlook on life and values. If it is changed to "everyone respects", it will become a correct attitude for people to be busy saving people from the "bride", which conveys positive energy and is an example for everyone to learn.
Little Leaves:Small leaves, piece by piece, I want to pick it up to make a bookmark, read the book ** to help me remember, orderly learning will not be messy.
It reflects a learning method for the little author to pick up leaves to make bookmarks and read books in an orderly manner, which is very good. However, "I want to pick it up" is just a wish, if it is changed to "pick it up", it has already become an action, and the following is logical.
Eat clean and have no leftovers":
Mom cooked a pot of rice, and the lid of the pot seemed to be sweating. We ate with a bowl and ate cleanly.
Nicely written. In particular, the three words "sweating" are very vivid and meticulously observed. But the word "like" is not used well, if it is changed to "follow", doesn't it show the mother's hard work all at once? Therefore, not only growing crops is "hard work", but cooking is also "hard work". Spare your food.
Of course, as an elementary school student, it's quite good to be able to write like this. If you can put more effort into the use of words and words, children's songs will definitely be more brilliant.
Qi Wankai).