Marriage, which should be full of sweetness and anticipation, often becomes tired and numb in the run-in of daily life. When problems accumulate, the marriage relationship will be in trouble. At this time, we need to learn to solve these dilemmas and regain the vitality and vitality of our marriage.
Ms. Zhang and her husband, Mr. Li, have been married for 5 years, and at the beginning, the two were still gracious and lived happily. But gradually, small frictions on trivial matters began to increase. Ms. Zhang likes a neat and clean home, and often reminds Mr. Li to pack his things; Mr. Li, on the other hand, has a more casual personality and doesn't care much about these details. This became a fuse for the dispute between the two.
One day, Ms. Zhang saw Mr. Li's coat thrown on the sofa again, and couldn't help complaining: "You are always like this, how many times have I told you, can you fold the clothes and put them away?" Mr. Li retorted: "It's not a big deal, can't you tolerate my habits?" The two had a big fight over this, and the atmosphere was very tense.
This is not the first time the two have argued over such trivial matters. Ms. Zhang felt that the sweetness of her marriage was gradually disappearing, replaced by exhaustion and depression. She began to wonder if the two had incompatible personalities and their marriage had come to an end.
That's when Ms. Zhang's friend suggested that she read a book on marriage relationships to get a professional perspective on dealing with such issues. Ms. Zhang found a best-selling book by a well-known marriage writer, hoping to find some inspiration in the book.
She learns from the book that this pattern of arguing over trivial household chores is called the "chase-retreat" dilemma. In this dilemma, one party (Ms. Zhang) wants the other party (Mr. Li) to change, while the other party resists change, and the positions of the two become antagonistic and tense. To solve this dilemma, the most important thing is that both sides need to think outside the box and understand from the other's point of view.
Ms. Zhang began to reflect that Mr. Li was actually doing his best to adapt to her requirements, but the habits of the two were different. She decided to take a more effective approach to communicating the issue.
One day, Ms. Zhang calmly said to Mr. Li, "Honey, I actually understand that you are already trying to keep things tidy. It's just that the two of us have different habits, and I want you to understand my feelings. A tidy home is important to me, and it makes me feel comfortable. I'm willing to work with you to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties, do you think it's okay? ”
Seeing his wife's good intentions, Mr. Li also began to reflect on himself. He said, "I see, I can actually pay more attention to it so that you can be happier." We can negotiate and find habits that are acceptable to all of us. ”
After several gentle and frank conversations, the two worked out some common rules of life, Mr. Li also paid more attention to his own habits, and Ms. Zhang learned to be considerate of Mr. Li's personality. The atmosphere in the home has become more and more harmonious, and quarrels have been greatly reduced.
Ms. Zhang realized that the key was to think outside the box of criticism, put yourself in her spouse's shoes, and work with him to find a solution to the problem. The book says, "You can't change the other person, but you can change yourself and thus influence the other person." This sentence touched her, and she decided to start with herself instead of simply blaming Mr. Li.
A marital relationship is like a mirror that reflects a person's inner maturity. Both Ms. Zhang and Mr. Li have grown in this relationship. They learn to resolve conflicts with warmth, understanding, and tolerance, rather than attacking each other. The sweetness of marriage begins to return to the lives of the two.
We all encounter difficulties and setbacks along the way in life, especially in intimate relationships. When problems arise, we must learn to put ourselves in the other party's shoes to understand, and resolve differences with warmth, understanding, and tolerance, instead of attacking and blaming each other. Only by breaking through the limitations of the self can we find a way out of the relationship.
The harmony of the marital relationship is the maturity of the heart. When we learn to resolve the dilemma of marriage, we not only open the door to another person's heart, but also open the window of our own heart, allowing sunlight to shine into our inner world. It's the possibility of getting along with each other, and it's the possibility for each of us to grow.