Yin Rui |Reporter.
Zhao Keying |Journalist Trainee.
*For respondents |
Tian Mengyue Luo Keyi |Edit.
Wang Jiaoren |Final.
Song Peihan lay motionless on the bed, indifferent, and her father opened the door and only gave her a scolding.
When I first found out that I had depression, I thought I was inferior. My father was reluctant to admit it at first, and he kept blaming me. Song Peihan said. During the period when she was first diagnosed with depression, she was tormented by both self and family stigma.
According to the official website of the World Health Organization, about 38 people suffer from depression. While patients are suffering from the disease, the stigma hidden in their families and themselves is also a problem they have to face.
What is home?
Song Peihan first showed symptoms of depression seven years ago when she was a graduate student abroad. "At that time, I was close to graduation, and there was a lot of academic pressure; When I was alone abroad, I encountered some things that were too much for me to bear, and I developed symptoms such as mild stupor, which refers to the inhibition of speech, movement, and behavior in the absence of consciousness disorders, and depressed mood. ”
After returning to China and officially diagnosed, Song Peihan's stupor, which made it difficult for her to move normally, basically stayed at home for 3-6 months, except for three meals a day, almost all of them were lying in bed. Her father couldn't understand it at all: "He thinks I'm lazy, doesn't think and doesn't want to admit I'm sick." In this case, he still scolded me. ”
Li Jiayi's situation is even more serious. She has had symptoms of depression since she was a junior high school, but she was officially diagnosed in her first year of high school, and her acceptance of ** was delayed until the end of the college entrance examination. The attitude of her parents is the root cause of Li Jiayi's long-term inability to go to the hospital. "Because depression is classified as a psychiatric department, they felt that if I went to the psychiatric department of the hospital, it would be mental illness and it would be humiliating, so they refused to take me to the hospital. ”
Li Jiayi confided in a friend after being stigmatized by her parents.
Anorexia is a common somatization symptom (i.e., a phenomenon in which somatic symptoms express mental discomfort) in people with depression. As soon as I finished dinner with my family, I got up and walked into the bathroom and vomited all the food in my stomach, which is the norm for Li Jiayi to eat at home after being diagnosed with depression.
Hiding her symptoms in front of her family in this way is the result of Li Jiayi's long-term stigma for depression. "My parents refused to admit that I had depression and wouldn't let me mention it. I actually have no appetite at all when I eat, but I eat in front of them and secretly vomit it. At that time, I lost 11 pounds in a week. Li Jiayi said.
Qiao Liang, who lives in a single-parent family, also did not get understanding from his mother. After Qiao Liang was officially diagnosed, his mother's first reaction was not to believe it; When Qiao Liang showed relevant symptoms, her mother told her to "stop pretending".
I feel like my mom hurt me the most of all of them so far because she didn't understand me at all. Qiao Liang said. Qiao Liang once tried to explain to his mother how he felt after suffering from depression, wanting his mother to know that many of his manifestations were actually caused by depression, but almost all of them ended in failure.
The stigma that parents have about their children is also a kind of anger against themselves. Psychologist Chen Qinghua said: "They will think, why would I let my child have this kind of problem? And this emotion often stems from the gap between the child's inner world, "The child's emotional instability makes them often ignore their parents, in fact, it is also very painful for parents to get along with their children in this situation." Many times it is the parents and children who do not understand, so it is very important to establish a channel of communication.
Self-restraint
The stigma of the outside world has brought secondary harm to patients, and to a certain extent, it has also contributed to their self-stigma.
Scholar Corrigan pointed out that "self-stigma" is when people with mental illness identify with negative stereotypes, discrimination and prejudices against them by the general public, and lead to discrimination and prejudice against themselves, also known as "internalizing stigma".
Song Peihan uses "guilt" and "low self-esteem" to summarize self-stigma.
"Guilt" is often the self-blame of self-harm and sudden realization that "my body is due to my parents" and "there are people who care about me". Song Peihan said: "I would self-harm when I got sick, and I would cry after self-harm, but not because of pain, but because I felt sorry for my parents. It's more about the people around you who love you, such as your parents, lovers, and friends. ”
Low self-esteem" makes her never sure herself at work, "I say I don't know anything, I can't do anything, but my colleagues and leaders will think that you have something okay, why do you have to belittle yourself?" Over time, everyone will think why are you so hypocritical? ”
Some patients have a self-stigma that they are afraid to disclose their depressive identity to the outside world.
Xiang Shilin, who is currently studying at university, was very frightened when she was diagnosed with depression in early July 2023. "Actually, I had a premonition that I was sick, but I was afraid to go to the hospital to find out the diagnosis. Before going to the hospital, Xiang Shilin continued to suffer from insomnia for a month, until the condition was too serious to bear, and then she set foot on the road to the hospital alone.
And after the official diagnosis, the self-stigma made her reluctant to tell the people around her. For her parents, she was worried for more than three months; For her classmates, she also experienced more than a month of ideological struggle. "I'm still worried that my diagnosis will affect others, and I'm worried that my friends will be overwhelmed. ”
Report to Shilin's psychological test.
Referring to the scar on his arm, Qiao Liang said: "In the summer before, I always wore ice sleeves and didn't want others to see it. She didn't dare to mention her illness to her friends, "I only dare to talk about things related to my illness in a more private space." ”
The perception of external labeling is also an important reason for patients' self-stigma. They are often labeled as "hypocritical" and "overthinking" by others, which more or less affects their perception of their own condition.
There are people who don't have depression in the first place, but they pretend to be patients to gain sympathy and attention, and it is because of these people that I dare not admit that I have depression, for fear of being mistaken for a nervous disorder. When talking about the self-stigmatization, Qiao Liang said.
See the sun through the clouds
Chen Qinghua mentioned that the solution to the stigma of depression mainly involves three aspects: professionalism, self-healing and encouragement from relatives and friends, which are also the three ways for patients and their families to accept depression.
Professionals often use figurative metaphors and scientific data to explain depression to parents, and when parents change their cognition, their attitudes towards their children will also change. Chen Qinghua said.
After listening to the doctor's analysis and judgment, Song Peihan's father slowly realized that "stupor" and other manifestations were symptoms of depression, and he was able to gradually face up to his daughter's condition. "My parents, after really understanding my situation, overcame it with me. Song Peihan said.
Li Jiayi's parents never went to the hospital to listen to the doctor's analysis, but she overcame her fear and walked into the hospital on her own. In her freshman year of high school, Li Jiayi's friends and psychology teacher raised a sum of money for her, so that she could receive a systematic diagnosis in the hospital and be officially diagnosed with depression.
After the college entrance examination, Li Jiayi had a certain amount of savings, and went to the hospital alone. In the past three months, Li Jiayi has been exposed to professional courses and methods of regulating emotions, and her condition has become better and better in the return visits of doctors.
The company of a friend also helped Li Jiayi a lot. During the epidemic, the two could not meet each other, so they often talked on the phone for a long time. "She gave me a lot of security, and a lot of times I need to vent my emotions, and when I'm done talking to her and crying, I'll be better. After the epidemic ended, friends began to give Li Jiayi hugs often, which made her feel comforted.
Xiang Shilin's acceptance of depression also benefited from the warmth of relatives and friends around her, who reacted much better than she expected when they learned of her illness.
The fact that her parents were able to face up to her illness was her first "surprise". Because her parents are more traditional in their thinking and their usual education methods are stricter, Xiang Shilin hesitated for more than three months before telling her parents after her diagnosis. "Fortunately, my parents are quite understanding. Xiang Shilin's worries were finally put down.
After fully disclosing her illness to her relatives and friends, Xiang Shilin found that the situation was not as bad as she imagined, "No one came to blame me, and this environment made me very relaxed." When she was in a bad mood and posted on Moments, the comments she received from Xiang Shilin were all encouraging words such as "come on" and "hug". My cousin was always the first to notice that she was depressed, "Once I changed my WeChat profile picture to a very gray back, my cousin came to ask me if I was unhappy." Maybe because we grew up together, he still knows me very well. ”
Xiang Shilin's chat history with her cousin.
Listening, accompaniment, and acceptance, this is what Xiang Shilin and Li Jiayi get from their relatives and friends, and it is also what Chen Qinghua emphasized when talking about the way to deal with depression, "Usually in the conversation**, I respond to all the opinions that patients tell me with a recognized attitude. ”
Self-healing is also a way for Li Jiayi to embrace depression. Thanks to the basic understanding of depression in the classroom in middle school, her self-stigma is not severe. "I think it's just a disease, if you get sick, you have to be treated, I don't feel ashamed, it's normal to be sick. Li Jiayi said.
How did I struggle with depression? What are the lessons learned? If a depressed person can learn more about the pathology of depression and can talk to others about his condition, then the person he talks to also receives popular science, and discrimination will be reduced. Chen Qinghua recognises that patients know more about depression and encourages them to share their personal experiences.
In addition, Li Jiayi also received a lot of good healing methods from a patient who had a similar experience. "She will often listen to ** to heal, will recommend me some suitable songs, and will recommend some books for me to read. Chen Qinghua interprets it as "art therapy", through which patients themselves can vent their inner negative emotions through these non-verbal ways.
As an art student, Qiao Liang prefers to integrate emotions into his paintings, "I will paint something and record my emotions." She will also post these paintings on social ** to convey the situation of depressed people to the society, "I want to be the Prometheus of everyone who suffers, to bring them the spark of hope." ”
Qiao Liang's painting. Now, Qiao Liang has taken off the ice sleeve on his arm, revealing the scar of self-harm. "My goal for the future is to try to live with depression, it's a part of me after all," she says. ”
"The patient's life is also a wilderness, and it is not so important to get something or not, but it is also important to live a rich life. And the meaning of the existence of relatives is to rely on, and they should reach out and pull him. ”Xiang Shilin said she hopes that other patients can also face the stigma that is difficult to see, and that they can also gain the understanding of their loved ones.
At the request of the interviewee, Song Peihan, Qiao Liang, and Xiang Shilin are pseudonyms in the article).
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