In modern society, we often see some children who are lazy all day long, saying "boring" and "lying flat" at every turn. When it comes to studying, they are like a different person, either procrastinating or being irritable, which is a headache. So, what exactly can be done to raise a "self-motivated" child? The "self-determination theory" of American psychologists Desi and Ryan provides us with the answer: we must strive to meet people's three psychological needs - autonomy, competence, and connection, in order to enhance people's internal motivation and promote the internalization of external motivation.
First, we need to understand that too much "sense of control" can hinder a child's autonomy. There is a line in Gibran's poem "Your Child Is Not Your Child": "You are the bow, and the children are arrows from you." "He loved the arrows that flew all the way, and he loved the bow that was so stable. This means that parents should be like a bow, giving their children enough space and freedom to solve problems and explore the world on their own.
Second, we need to give our children autonomy. Educator Dr. Jane Nelson once said, "A child who misbehaves is a child who has lost confidence." "This means that we need to respect our children's choices and give them the opportunity to make their own decisions, thereby increasing their confidence and responsibility.
Third. It's not enough to just give children autonomy, we also need to grow children's "sense of competence" and cultivate their growth mindset. This requires us to focus on the process of the child's efforts rather than overemphasizing the outcome. Let children understand that failure is not scary, and making mistakes is also part of growth. At the same time, we should not overly accommodate our children, but let them learn to think independently and solve problems.
Fourth, the mentality of parents themselves is also very important. We need to let go of anxiety and help children relieve the mental pressure of study and life. Only in this way can children truly enjoy learning and truly have "self-motivation".
Overall, raising a "self-motivated" child is not an easy task, and it requires our understanding, respect, and patience. However, as long as we follow the "self-determination theory" and meet the psychological needs of children's autonomy, competence, and connection, we will definitely be able to cultivate children with "self-motivation".