Story What is the taboo of the saying "two taboos of going to the grave during the New Year, and losing wealth if you commit a big taboo"?
In the land of China, etiquette has been the essence of our culture since ancient times, rooted in the ritual system of the Zhou Dynasty, which has profoundly influenced the behavioral norms and social norms of the Chinese. This has made us known as the home of etiquette. From birth to further education, marriage to death, our lives are permeated by ancient liturgical traditions, as if we are witnesses of time. When people are faced with the alternation of life and death, funeral etiquette carries a profound cultural connotation and becomes an important ritual that determines the trajectory of life.
In this vast land, where there are many linguistic and cultural differences, there are striking similarities in funerary customs. In particular, the two taboos of going to the grave during the Chinese New Year are followed all over the country, and this traditional practice runs through the thoughts and respect of Chinese children for the deceased, and has become a thought-provoking part of Chinese funeral culture. So, what are the two taboos that make this custom so important in Chinese tradition?
In ancient times, people were meticulous in their attitude towards the dead, following the traditional concept of "death is like life". Despite the impermanence of life and death, the aftermath of the deceased needs to be taken equally seriously, and there must not be the slightest sloppiness. This concept runs through a series of ceremonies before the burial, so that the death of the deceased not only does not cover up the glory of life, but shows more honor and solemnity after death.
Before the burial, people perform the ritual of "wiping off the body and purifying the face" and wearing the longevity clothes, with the aim of honoring the deceased and instilling solemnity and dignity in their final moments. The subsequent obituary and waiting for relatives and friends to come to pay their respects reflect the respect for the deceased and the echo of family affection. However, this process is not once and for all, but extends to traditional festivals such as Qingming and Chinese New Year, so that the relatives of the deceased can continue to maintain their nostalgia and remembrance.
In the traditional custom of going to the grave, there is a unique exquisiteness. Family reunions are inevitable during the New Year, and this reunion also involves the whole family going to the grave together to send thoughts and blessings to the deceased relatives. However, there is also a seemingly ancient and profound rule that married women cannot participate in the ritual of going to the grave. This seems to be a restriction on the status of women, so that they can only stay quietly at home at this important time of sacrifice, which has become the first taboo to go to the grave during the New Year.
In addition, there is a specific tradition of the items that are carried when going to the festival. Usually, people choose to carry "welcome paper" as a sign of respect. However, with the improvement of living standards, the ways of carrying various items are gradually becoming more diverse. Still, there is one thing that should never be overlooked, and that is something related to the peach tree. Whether it is the branches of the peach tree or the finished product, it is regarded as a taboo thing that cannot be brought to the grave of relatives, and it has become the second taboo of going to the grave during the New Year.
In ancient times, when a married daughter faced the mourning of her parents, although her heart was full of affection for her parents, she was bound by the patriarchal ideology that prevailed at that time. The ancients had a common saying: "A married daughter is like water spilled out", emphasizing that once a daughter marries, she is separated from the original family. As a result of this notion, daughters-in-law rarely return to their parents' homes after they get married, because the act of returning to their parents' homes may be interpreted as a disharmony in the relationship between the husband and wife, and may even lead to the embarrassing situation of being divorced.
Moreover, there was an obvious phenomenon of male superiority and inferiority of women in ancient society. Once a woman marries into her husband's family, almost everything must be done by the man, and some places even stipulate that women should follow their husband's nature and completely cut off contact with their parents' family. This notion has deep roots in the fact that sons are seen as a hope for the continuation of the family business and the continuation of incense, while daughters are considered to be no longer part of their mother's family.
Therefore, if a married daughter comes to pay respects on the traditional occasion of going to the grave during the Chinese New Year, it may be misinterpreted as a sign that she is not doing well in her mother's home, and may even be considered a symbol of her husband's mistreatment of her. For the mother's family, they will face the dilemma of losing face and damaging their reputation, which is regarded as an unlucky phenomenon. In ancient society, it was generally believed that the daughter was no longer a member of her mother's family, and her life and situation were no longer directly related to her mother's family.
In addition, if a daughter goes to the grave during the Chinese New Year, it may also be misunderstood that the family has no sons. In ancient beliefs, the lack of a son was considered a symbol of the loss of children and grandchildren, and the decline of the family business, and it could even lead to the perception of insufficient "wealth". Therefore, the appearance of a daughter may be seen as an ominous omen and is considered to be a possible taboo that will lead to the loss of fortune.
In ancient beliefs, the peach tree was seen as a masculine tree, while ghosts were considered to have feminine attributes. This caused the ancients to treat peach wood as a sacred object against evil spirits and ghosts. In film and television dramas related to "ghost hunting", Taoist priests often hold peachwood swords to perform rituals, because ghosts are afraid of peachwood. This stems from the worldview of the ancients, who regarded peach as a masculine tree with the effect of warding off evil spirits.
After a person's death, whether they become a ghost or leave behind a wisp of soul, their attributes are considered to be negative. In ancient beliefs, ghosts were more inclined to approach feminine trees such as pine and willow, while they were afraid of masculine peach. Therefore, the ancients chose to plant trees such as pine willows near the tombs to avoid the approach of ghosts. This practice also reflects respect for the deceased and wishes them to rest in peace in a harmonious environment.
In fact, there is another aspect to planting pine willows next to graves instead of fruiting trees like peach trees. The ancients believed that if peach trees were planted next to the grave, passers-by might pick peaches to quench their thirst, leading to trampling on the grave, which was seen as disrespectful to the deceased. In order to avoid this from happening, trees such as pine willows that do not bear fruit are chosen to ensure the tranquility and dignity of the grave.
The ancients also attached great importance to the luck of their ancestors and the blessings of their ancestors. They believe that the souls of their ancestors can protect the prosperity and development of future generations. Therefore, if a descendant brings something that is considered unlucky to go to the grave, such as a peach tree, it may be seen as weakening the luck of the ancestor and affecting the ancestor's protection of the descendant. This also explains why the ancients emphasized the two taboos of going to the grave during the New Year, because committing these two taboos may lead to the weakening of the ancestors' protection of the descendants, and even bring ominous consequences, making it possible for the family to fall into the middle of the road and go bankrupt.
With the openness and pluralism of modern society, some traditional customs in ancient times have gradually faded in people's hearts. Among them, the concept that married daughters cannot come back to the grave has also been gradually relaxed in modern times. The status of modern women in the family is gradually rising, and the act of a daughter returning to her parents' house to go to the grave is no longer considered a violation of family ethics. More and more daughters choose to return to their parents' homes to pay respects to their parents during the Chinese New Year and other moments, which not only expresses the longing for their deceased relatives, but also reflects the respect for family traditions and deep feelings for family affection.
The peachwood sword is still believed by some people in modern times as a household item to ward off evil spirits. However, when they go to the grave, few people bring mahogany swords or other mahogany-related products to the grave. This may be due to the gradual dilution of religious beliefs and traditional ideas in modern society, as well as the change in people's attitudes towards religion and superstition. Going to the grave places more emphasis on the deep remembrance of the deceased relatives than on the use of specific ritual objects.
In today's society, people's values and lifestyles have become more diverse, respecting individual choices and differences in beliefs. Therefore, whether or not to follow ancient traditional customs depends on the beliefs and perceptions of the individual, and is no longer bound by strict social norms. Whether it is a daughter who goes back to her parents' house to go to the grave, or chooses not to bring peach wood products, people pay more attention to the expression of their hearts, believing that their relatives can feel their deep thoughts and blessings in the spirit of heaven.
In this era of diversity and inclusiveness, people pay more attention to cherishing family affection and respecting individual choices, and at the same time, they are more rational about religion and traditional concepts. Therefore, the tradition of going to the grave during the Chinese New Year no longer needs to deliberately abide by specific rules, but has become more of a warm moment for people to express their feelings and reminisce about their loved ones.
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