In the early stages of a relationship, the person who takes the initiative is not necessarily the loser. Because many times we have to consider the personalities of both parties, the attachment patterns of both parties, and so on.
Secondly, when dealing with the problem of initiative and inactivity, we must remember that we must not let ourselves fall into a period of "self-internal friction".
There was a little girl who told me when she was in a love class that she was particularly internal now.
For example, she wants to send a message to her boyfriend, but a dark voice inside her tells her:
Why didn't your boyfriend send it to you first, shouldn't a big boy take the initiative? Why do you send it every time? ”
Whenever this happens, she puts down her phone and sits on the couch to get angry. The following day, she thought about it at lunch, and when she walked the dog, she also thought about it, and only when her boyfriend came at 9 o'clock in the evening, her heart suddenly opened up.
If her boyfriend doesn't call her at night, then this little girl will be in a state of anxiety all the time.
In fact, it is very simple to break this state of anxiety, or to divert attention, when this little girl directs her attention to reading, playing games, watching TV, studying and other things, she will not be unable to do anything because of internal friction.
Or, she can directly call her boyfriend, and the two of them will chat a few words warmly, and the little girl's heart will not be so uncomfortable.
But the problem is that people who are caught up in this internal friction would rather entangle themselves to death than take action.
In other words, they did not take the initiative, did not gain the respect of others, nor did they exchange their high position in this relationship, but "consumed" themselves alive.
Therefore, I have repeatedly told everyone to drink less love chicken soup on the Internet. In the adult world, "if you don't take the initiative, I won't take the initiative" is to divide people.
If you can't control it in your heart, you just fall into emotional internal friction because you don't take the initiative:
Obviously you like him so much, but you think you will lose if you express your position first;
Obviously, you care about the other party so much, and you have to pretend that you don't care;
It's you who retreat when two people get along, it's you who hesitates, and it's you who thinks crankily. You're too tired after a relationship.
I know some people who are afraid of taking the initiative, and what they are really afraid of are the following things:
NUMBER 1 You are afraid that your love will not be reciprocated.
The second thing is that you are used to low self-esteem and low self-confidence, you want to back down when you encounter something, you hate competition, and you are worried about getting along with other people. So in an emotional relationship, "taking the initiative equals losing" is actually your shield.
In fact, your personality itself is not an active character, in addition to not being active emotionally, you should also have a withdrawn side in other things in life.
So if you find that your inactivity leads to severe emotional internal friction, then you must make a change. How do you do that? Common psychological programs are as follows:
Give yourself a positive, healthy, uplifting, and courageous psychological cue every day. Try to take the initiative to do a small thing every day and keep track of those positive feedbacks.
Amplify your positive desires.
For example, if you want the peach blossoms to bloom, then you must increase your chances of meeting high-quality people of the opposite sex through hard socialization. At this time, you have to give yourself such a psychological hint:
As long as I take the first step, I will definitely meet excellent people in the future. ”
When you take step 1 of socializing, don't think:
I should go socializing so I can get what I want. ”
Instead, think about:
I took this step to get what I wanted, so I took it willingly and with great pleasure. ”
After a period of adjustment, you will find that you have become positive and proactive about many things, your emotions are stable, and your core is stable.
"Take the initiative or not take the initiative" will no longer be a stumbling block that will stop you from moving forward. That's when true happiness comes.