Have you ever experienced such a dilemma:
With good intentions, his words are full of gentleness, but he is always the object of being sent by others, and he cannot be treated as an equal.
Adhering to the principle of not fighting or grabbing, he performs his duties in a down-to-earth manner, but the reality is that he is endlessly suppressed and excluded.
In this chaotic world, not all kindness can be warmly reciprocated by others.
Sometimes, the more you choose to endure humiliation and fulfill others, the more likely you are to be misunderstood as weak and bullied, and then you will be forced to do so step by step.
If you have been in such a situation, then I suggest that you create a self-image that is both kind and "inviolable" from this moment on.
Survive with a distinct personality and principles, and never compromise when it's time to show your edge.
In this way, it will be easier for you to earn the respect of others and you will be more likely to move towards true happiness on the road of life.
Keep your bottom line
Once upon a time, there was a mother-in-law in our community who was known for her strong personality and strong desire to control, and she was deeply involved in everything from the details of the decoration of her son's daughter-in-law's wedding room to the financial plans of the young couple.
First of all, she demanded that her son hand over his salary card after marriage, on the grounds that young people were overspending and that it was more appropriate for her to manage it on her behalf.
Then, she tried to restrain her daughter-in-law to sever all contact with her mother's family after receiving the bride price, and stressed that as a member of her mother-in-law's family, she should obey all arrangements.
Faced with such a situation, most people may choose to swallow their anger and avoid escalating the confrontation head-on. However, this daughter-in-law is not willing to back down.
She insisted on her principles and made it clear that she was willing to pay her family expenses on demand every month, but given the pressure of mortgages and car loans, the salary card had to be kept by the husband and wife. As for the emotional bond with her biological parents, it touches her bottom line and is resolutely unacceptable. If the mother-in-law is stubborn, she will make the matter public and seek public judgment.
In the face of her daughter-in-law's resolute and forceful attitude, the mother-in-law had to give up her original tough stance and withdraw those unreasonable demands.
After several similar encounters, the mother-in-law gradually learned to respect her daughter-in-law's independence and boundaries, and her attitude towards her daughter-in-law also changed significantly, becoming polite and giving her due respect and autonomy.
A woman's life inevitably involves multiple roles and challenges. Whether it is to stabilize the family status, manage the married life, or cope with the various situations of life, those women who truly live a wonderful life must have firm principles and untouchable bottom lines, they are neither humble nor arrogant, and they are calm.
In addition to sticking to their deepest beliefs, more importantly, they declare their self-attitude to the world with their actions: no matter when and where, "I am not weak and can be bullied, once I touch my bottom line, I will bear the corresponding consequences". Such a declaration is like a tenacious barrier, highlighting their majestic spirit and perseverance from the inside out.
As a result, whether in the face of trivial matters of her in-laws or everything in the world, such a woman can show a noble demeanor that no one dares to insult, which is awe-inspiring.
Dare to say no and don't please anyone
In the workplace, if you look deeply, you will find a common phenomenon: those who are the most compromised and the best to speak are often the hardest working and least paid people.
For example, two interns from my previous company had the same academic qualifications and a similar attitude to work, but their circumstances were very different.
Xiao A has a gentle personality, and when faced with additional work requests from colleagues, he is always difficult to refuse because he is worried about affecting his interpersonal relationships. This excessive concern caused his workload to become increasingly heavy and hectic and chaotic.
Although he tried his best to help others, some of his colleagues were dissatisfied with Xiao A's failure to meet everyone's needs in every way.
In stark contrast to the intern Xiao B, she shows a calm and calm personality trait. For the work entrustment of other colleagues, Xiao B can treat it rationally and provide assistance within the scope of his ability, and for tasks beyond his own ability, he decisively declines, so that he can focus more on his own work.
At first, everyone also had a lot of complaints about Xiao B's way of doing things, thinking that she was too selfish and unwilling to compromise easily. However, as time went on, Xiao B's achievements were particularly outstanding because of her less chores and high work efficiency, and the leadership praised her for this.
This shift caused colleagues to gradually change their views on Xiao B, and they took the initiative to get close to her, and won a higher popularity within the company.
In the unspoken rules of interpersonal communication, there is a common phenomenon of bullying good and fearing evil. People tend to avoid hard conflicts, just like when facing a hard walnut, in order to avoid damaging their teeth, they prefer to pinch the soft persimmon that is easy to handle.
Therefore, we should abandon the role of weakness and bullying, and the first thing is to adhere to the respect of our own needs whenever and wherever we are. Have the courage to say "no" to what you don't want to do and can't accomplish.
There is no need to be afraid of the resentment of others due to rejection, and there is no need to care too much about the opinions and evaluations of others, because being hated is part of the normal state of the world.
However, it is only by first achieving self-esteem that you can truly earn the respect of others. It is only when we value and uphold our own rights and dignity that others treat us with the same respect.
Everything has its own opinion
A few days ago, I received a message from a long-time college roommate, who confessed: "Life has been quite difficult for me in recent years. ”
After digging deeper, I learned that she seemed to be a forgotten existence in the company, and her leaders and colleagues seemed to ignore her feelings. During the Chinese New Year, she was assigned to work overtime, and all those tricky customers were left to her to deal with.
I asked with concern, "Have you ever expressed your true thoughts to the company?" ”
She responded that when the Spring Festival duty work was assigned, the leader consulted everyone's opinions, and she was worried that the direct refusal would make the leader dissatisfied, so she chose a vague answer: "I can do it, whatever you want." ”
Hearing this answer, I instantly gained insight into the core of the problem. In her memory, when she was on campus, she was a person who rarely had opinions.
Whenever her classmates were asked what dishes they wanted to eat at dinner, she always said "whatever"; When she was asked for her opinion during the division of class activities, she always replied, "It's okay, it doesn't matter."
Over time, she was gradually stopped being consulted, and she became more and more marginalized, more reticent, and more accustomed to being submissive and receptive.
It is true that each of us is similar to her in some way, but when faced with a choice that is intimately connected to us, there is often a fear of decision.
Worry about making the wrong choice, worry about the deviation of action, and always hope that others will take the helm for you.
However, over time, this dependency can gradually weaken our self-worth, erode our unique personality, and cause us to lose our way in the crowd and allow the ideas of others to dictate our own thoughts.
On the contrary, those women who are so-called "not easy to mess with" show a completely different attitude. They never blindly follow the crowd, but are firmly clear about their pursuits, and no amount of external disturbance can shake their deep inner determination.
However, being assertive is not the same as being strong against others, but rather having independent thinking and judgment. They know how to respect other people's opinions, but they are not easily manipulated by the outside world, and can find a balance between acceptance and persistence.
Only by doing this will people not easily underestimate your power, and you will earn the respect and recognition you deserve.
Cultivate both inside and outside to enhance your own aura
In the popular Hong Kong drama "News Queen" last year, Charmaine Sheh portrayed the role of Wen Huixin (known as "Sister Man") with her superb acting skills, and her indomitable image is deeply rooted in the hearts of the people and has left a deep imprint on countless audiences.
Wen Huixin, who has been in the media for many years, has successfully reached the top of the industry by virtue of his vigorous and resolute style and superb strategic skills. She can be called a model of a strong woman in the workplace, and has won wide praise for her unique charm of "not easy to mess with".
There is an impressive scene in the play: at a critical moment in the live broadcast of the news, the opponent maliciously turned off her teleprompter and deliberately threw out difficult questions, asking Wen Huixin to improvise a comment on the major car accidents that have occurred in Hong Kong in recent years.
In the face of such a sudden challenge, Sister Man did not show the slightest panic, but quickly adjusted her state, and calmly launched a wonderful impromptu speech with the accumulation of the treasure house of knowledge in her heart.
With her remarkable memory and excellent emotional regulation, she turned a moment that might have caused a broadcast crisis into a stage to show her personal style, not only successfully coping with the difficulties of her opponents, but also taking this opportunity to demonstrate her professionalism and personality.
After the broadcast, Sister Man calmly teased her opponent: "Thank you for your divine assistance." This scene undoubtedly shows her unfazed and witty characteristics vividly.
Although some of her actions have caused controversy, who can resist the charm of such a woman with both ambition and strength?
In my eyes, her cool and uninhibited temperament and awe-inspiring aura come not only from her deep awe and persistence in journalistic professionalism and professional ethics, but also from the core strength of self-confidence and tenacity in her heart.
Over the years, she has been working in the business area consistently, and she is determined to improve her professional quality. Even in the face of the whirlpool of difficulties and the impact of setbacks, she is still able to be independent, steady and firm forward.
In fact, every one of us ordinary people is not like this.
The more confidence and self-confidence you have, the easier it is for others to dictate to you. However, the best way to fight back is to continue to learn and grow yourself, so as to strengthen yourself.
When your heart is strong enough and your abilities are good enough, you will be pleasantly surprised to find that the whole world will show you a friendly side.
Mr. Yang Jiang once profoundly expounded such a philosophy:
When you have a sincere and simple heart, others may take advantage of your kindness and even bully you. Once your talent and character are a little outstanding, it is easy to attract the envy and exclusion of others. Even if you are tolerant and generous, others may still infringe on your rights and cause harm to you.
In order to protect yourself, you have to be vigilant at all times and build an invisible line of defense. If we want to avoid strife, we must be indifferent to the things of the world, but at the same time we must build up our inner strength to prepare for possible struggles.
In interpersonal interactions, it is not enough to rely on honesty and kindness, but too much honesty and softness may bring out the dark side of human nature.
On the other hand, those who are not easy to provoke, their existence makes others dare not offend easily, which invisibly avoids many unnecessary troubles for them.
Therefore, dear girls, from this moment on, please consciously cultivate your temperament of "not being easily bullied". In interpersonal communication, you can appropriately show the tough side, have your own principles and bottom line, and show a sharp and proportionate edge in a timely manner.
Learn to stick to personal boundaries and maintain unique personality and edges, only in this way can you protect yourself at critical moments and enjoy the ease and ease of life.
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