Romain Rolland said: "There is only one kind of heroism in the world, that is, after seeing the truth of life, you still love life. "
This sentence is perfect to describe the Japanese ninety Nakamura Tsuneko.
She has experienced wars, the Great Depression, and ups and downs, but she still faces life with an open-minded and transparent attitude.
She's not tall, only 148 meters, the body is weak, but it lives as a towering lighthouse, illuminating itself and warming others.
Tsuneko Nakamura has been a psychiatrist for 70 years, and at the age of 90, she still insists on attending weekly consultations, which has won the trust of patients and is known as "national grandmother" by the Japanese.
She condensed her life experience and wisdom into the book "The World Is Worth It", and in the narration, I realized the truth of life.
01 About work: Make money first and then talk about ideals
Zhihu has such a post: What is work for?
Some say that in order to support themselves; Some say that in order to make dreams come true; And there is an answer that hits the nail on the head: to make money.
In her book "The World Is Worth It", Tsuneko Nakamura said, "It's not a shameful thing to work for money, it's a matter of course, and I think it's very remarkable." ”
Nakamura Tsuneko's family of five children was taught by patriarchal parents who asked her to come out and work after graduating from high school.
Luckily, my uncle, who was running a clinic in Osaka at the time, said that if anyone wanted to become a doctor, he would be responsible for all of their tuition.
Tsuneko Nakamura seized the opportunity, and at the age of 16, she traveled from Hiroshima Onomichi to Osaka to study medicine alone with her luggage in the war-torn era.
Tsuneko Nakamura said that when she chose to be a doctor, there was no so-called liking or dislike, whether she wanted to do it or not, but she had no choice at that time, and she had to work in order to make a living.
After getting married, Tsuneko Nakamura worked as a full-time mother for a few years, and then her parents helped take care of the children, and she returned to the workplace, where she worked for 70 years.
"I don't have any ambitions, and I work to raise children," she said. ”
Work is to make money, and making money is to live, which is the primary purpose of work.
Many people don't understand the reason, and they are always entangled in ...... of "I haven't developed in my current company", "Is this job suitable for me", "What is the meaning of this job".Expecting too much from work and being too preoccupied can easily fall into disappointment and anxiety.
Especially some young people, if they don't like their work, they simply lie flat at home and become an old man.
Mr. Lu Xun wrote in the "Huagai Collection": "Our top priority at the moment is, first, to survive, second, to have food and clothing, and third, to develop. ”
Each of us normal people has the responsibility to support ourselves, first let go of those chaotic thoughts, calm down and work steadily, let ourselves stand on a stable footing, and then talk about values and dreams, which is the king.
02 About marriage: Don't force the other party to change, put your heart and mind on yourself
At the age of 27, Tsuneko Nakamura was introduced to a surgeon by a friend, and the two fell in love at first sight and soon entered the palace of marriage.
After getting married, Tsuneko Nakamura found out that her husband was an alcoholic, didn't care about his family, and he especially liked to entertain, and he was an out-and-out moonlight clan.
Tsuneko Nakamura couldn't bear it anymore, and threatened him with a divorce, and he promised to change, but he did it again a few days later.
After arguing like this repeatedly, Nakamura's mental state became worse and worse, he couldn't do his job well, he had no motivation for life, and he lived as a resentful woman.
Later, Nakamura finally understood that the more she wanted to change her husband, the more he would be motivated to rebel.
She decided to give up changing her husband, leave her energy to herself and her children, work hard, and earn money to support her family.
There is a popular saying on the Internet: "Changing oneself is God, changing others is neurosis." ”
Writer Lin Yutang and his wife Mi Cuifeng have very different living habits.
Liao Cuifeng loves to dress up and do things in an orderly manner, while Lin Yutang has a casual personality and is informal.
Once, when Lin Yutang was on a business trip abroad, he used all the travel expenses to buy a printer model.
Liao Cuifeng was very angry when she found out and scolded him for being too willful, completely ignoring family expenses, and spending money lavishly.
But Lin Yutang still went his own way, and said: "I can write articles, and the money spent will be earned." ”
Years later, Lin Yutang has published a number of best-selling books and made a lot of money, but he spent all his savings and went into debt in order to realize his dream of becoming a printer.
Liao Cuifeng finally figured out that it was simply wishful thinking to change Lin Yutang, it was better to change yourself, accept the reality, and live the current life.
A person's character, habits and behaviors originate from the shaping of his past life and growth environment, which have long been engraved into his bones and will not be easily changed by external forces.
Instead of doing everything possible to change others and get yourself into trouble, it is better to put the focus back on yourself and make yourself happier instead.
03 About life: No matter how far we go, we are always just one person
Tsuneko Nakamura maintains a harmonious and stable relationship with people, both in the workplace and at home.
She never has the idea of "getting closer" with anyone, or "deepening the relationship" with anyone, not forcing others, but not asking for more.
Even if the elderly Tsuneko Nakamura lives alone next door to her son, she won't go there except for dinner with them on Sundays.
In her opinion, her son has his own family life after getting married, and he will not suddenly break into the child's space.
For a 90-year-old man who lives alone, the god of death will be there at any time.
But Nakamura Tsuneko is not afraid of dying alone, she often tells her son and daughter-in-law that if they don't see her for a few days, maybe she is dead, so come and see. And tell them not to do life-prolonging rescue.
On weekday mornings, the driver would come to pick her up and take her to the hospital to work, and she would often ask the driver, if she couldn't see her out, maybe she was dead, so she would go next door and tell her eldest son.
She said, "Man is a man from birth, and he is a man when he dies. A person's life is basically a life of one person. ”
Many people are troubled by interpersonal relationships, worrying that they will not be able to make good colleagues in the workplace, "not making friends" in the process of raising children, or afraid that they will not be able to be with their partners, but these thoughts are actually self-consumption.
The relationship between people is incompatible, and they will be bonded by some small things, and they will be separated by some small things.
Even your closest family members can't help you all the time.
Because parents, children, siblings, and even the other half cannot live towards one goal forever.
Everyone has their own mind and will, and these things are not fixed, it is an ever-changing process.
Parents are old and have their old age; The children grow up and have their own independent lives; Brothers and sisters go their separate ways for the future; The other half also has his plans.
Once you become dependent and attached to others, you will become selfish and at the same time make people feel tired.
Only when you realize that you are always a person will not expect too much from others.
If you live like this and are not bound by unnecessary things, you will live a relaxed life.
04 Write at the end
Now the ninety-year-old Tsuneko Nakamura works smoothly, has a harmonious family, everything seems to be complete, and she lives transparently and freely.
Her life experience made me understand: work is to make money, and then there is poetry and distance;
Don't force others to change, because everyone has their own different trajectory;
Enjoy your time alone so that you don't suffer by being lonely and pandering to others or compromising with others.
Life is not easy, if you are tired, you might as well read this philosophical little book, it will make you see the truth of the world, and still have the courage to love life.