Click Follow above to share interesting and tangible emotional dry goods every day.I'm Hazuki.
Emotional stability is too important.
Some time ago Kapibala was very popular and looked like this.
The main thing in the fire out of the circle is that it is emotionally stable, known as the "dolphin gate", and Mount Tai collapses in front of it without changing its color.
Modern people need emotional stability so much.
Everyone will take the initiative to stay away from emotional people in life, but what if the love partner is too emotional and loses his temper at every turn?
Breaking up is of course an option, but what about reluctance? What if I wanted to solve the problem instead of running away?
First of all, we must understand that emotions do not arise out of thin air, there must be a reason behind it, and even many times the superficial emotions cannot correctly express the inner appeal, behind the emotions, there are more emotions.
There is a concept of "emotional constellation" in psychology, which means that behind a superficial emotion, there is often a series of other emotions hidden, and the hidden emotions are deeper, difficult to speak, and difficult to accept, so they will be hidden.
The subject is too emotional, and he loses his temper because of a trivial matter, which is a symptom. But what usually makes them lose their temper is often not a specific small thing, but a series of problems backlogged behind the small thing.
For example, he is tired when he comes home and wants you to pour a glass of water, but you don't hear clearly, so he says:
You're always like this and don't listen to people."
The reason why you don't hear it is very common, maybe you are busy, chatting ** or playing games, swiping your phone or being distracted in a daze, these are not important, the important thing is that you didn't hear the result, let them repeat it, but they are angry.
Always" is just an emphasis and tone, and when they judge that you don't care, the problem rises to the level of attitude. This is how many couples come to break up.
Question?
Behind the superficial emotions of his anger, there are more deep-seated emotions that have not been seen and dealt with in a timely manner.
It may be that I have just come back from being lectured by the leader and am in a bad mood;
It may be that you have discussed marriage during this time and have not reached a consensus;
It may be that they feel that you are not motivated enough and mature enough;
It may be that they have recently felt left out and want you to care more, but they remind you to pay attention in the form of tantrums;
There are many similar possibilities, and if you don't see the chain of stars behind the emotion, you will only feel wronged, exaggerated, and inexplicably unknown.
Of course, we say that breaking up is a choice, you don't want to put up with it, you don't accept back-off, there is no need to grieve yourself to cater to it, but if you want to try to solve the problem, then seeing the deep emotions behind it will help you improve communication, allow the relationship to recover, and move towards a positive cycle.
Specifically, do three things well.
1.Turn off your inner voice.
When we listen, we usually allocate only half of our energy – the other half is always editing the wording, thinking about how to respond or refute it next.
Think back to the last time you listened, did you look into the other person's eyes, pretend to be listening, nod your head, and then quickly think, "How do I respond, comfort, explain, and refute"?
If you always have half of your energy on yourself, it will be difficult to really see the emotions of the other person, and you will only see superficial, concrete events.
Because of something, the other party loses his temper and behaves emotionally, which is important, but more important is the hidden emotions behind it, so the deep-seated needs are worth paying attention to.
2.Empathy.
After turning off the inner voice, we also have to completely switch to the other person's position and try to empathize.
If it were the same thing that happened to me, how would I feel, how would I think, how would I do it?"
Everyone has the ability to empathize, but there are high and low abilities, some people are sensitive by nature, and some people are more dull. Through repeated practice, you can feel more from the perspective of others, and gradually you will find that emotions are fluid, and you will be able to accurately judge and see through the emotions and demands of others.
3.Repeat.
In most listening scenarios, we just need to be a good listener and respond, but we don't need to give advice, nod our heads appropriately to show approval, and signal the other person to continue.
Another recommended way to respond is to repeat the other person's words to avoid misunderstandings, and to make the other person feel that you really listened to them.
So you're trying to say, ...... happenedThis thing makes you feel ......Is that right? ”
Don't doubt the power of repetition.
Although emotional problems are caused by real problems, they often take care of the other party's emotions first, and the problem has been solved halfway and will no longer expand.
If the problem is with me, I'm very emotional, but I don't want to break up, how do I adjust myself?
First of allGet plenty of sleep.
No kidding, getting enough sleep is the key to emotional stability. If you stay up late every day and are in a state of lack of sleep and poor rest for a long time, it is strange not to collapse.
A stable routine allows your body to regulate its endocrine system, and then your emotions have a stable foundation, and naturally produce fewer negative emotions.
It's not a big deal to relax properly and take a vacation if you're lazy.
Rest well, recover a little emotionally, and try to solve the problem.
Some problems will disappear automatically when you procrastinate, but most of them will not, if you can't solve it, it will increase your anxiety and become your emotional burden, so while you still have energy, solve it little by little.
Don't allow yourself to face the sheer complexity of the entire system all at once, which will put you off. You can round it up to zero and start with a part.
If cleaning the entire house is tiring you, start with a certain room, or even a table in the room. Starting small is a good way to feel positive feedback, accumulate a sense of accomplishment, and make a good plan to follow the steps.
Don't run away from solving problems because of negative emotions, and as a result, you will drag out more and more complicated troubles, and the mountains of problems will eventually crush your reason.
Finally, please don't demonize emotions, negative emotions have their meaning, emotions cannot and should not be eliminated.
A misconception that many people have is that I have a negative emotion that is problematic and that I have to put it out at the source.
Wrong, people are people who have emotions, our emotions will fluctuate, and it is normal to have highs, lows and flats. Envy of Kapibala's emotional stability is a joke, and it is also an unattainable psychological state that contemporary young people look up to, but they don't have to force themselves when they can't do it.
There will still be emotions, as long as we learn to manage and control, don't let ourselves be in a state of collapse all the time, it's OK, what about going crazy occasionally, on the premise of not affecting others, being happy is the most important thing.
The essence of controlling emotions is to calm yourself down for a second before you want to lose your temper, and one second is enough, think about your purpose.
What is my purpose, is it to vent my emotions, is this the most important thing at the moment, what will be the consequences after venting, can I bear it, and am I willing to bear the consequences for this moment?
If not, then hold back the second and restrain your instincts to do what you have to do.
This is called maturity.
About the Author:
HazukiInterest is to observe human beings and give you another perspective and attitude towards feelings.
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