I often feel a silent pain that lies deep in my heart, and every time criticism from the outside world comes like a tidal wave, it stabs my heart like a sharp blade.
I always felt that those critical words were like a sharp sword, pointing directly at my inner weakness, and I had nowhere to escape.
Every word, every sentence tells me: you are thinking wrong, you are doing the wrong thing.
So, I accepted it all peacefully, looking calm on the outside, but full of crazy fear inside.
This fear did not stem from the criticism itself, but from my deep distrust of myself.
I was afraid that my ideas were really wrong, that what I was doing really didn't meet other people's expectations.
This distrust made me lose the courage to say no because I was afraid that if I refused, it would prove that my inner fear was real.
But it is this lack of ability to say no that has made me repeatedly frustrated in my life. I can't refuse other people's requests, even if they are beyond my means;
I can't say no to other people's opinions, even if they are contrary to my beliefs. Again and again I compromised, again and again I gave up my position, just to get a glimmer of approval and a glimmer of smile.
However, this compromise did not bring me peace of mind. On the contrary, it made me more miserable and confused.
I began to doubt myself, my worth, my abilities. I don't know what I'm after, I don't know what I want to be.
Until one day, I read a sentence: "One should develop the habit of trusting oneself, even in the most critical of times, in one's own bravery and perseverance." ”
These words were like a lightning bolt that illuminated the darkness in my heart. It dawned on me that it wasn't the criticism I had been running away from, but my own distrust of myself.
I started trying to say no, trying to stick to my position and ideas.
I found that when I was brave enough to express my opinions, others did not turn away or alienate me as I imagined;
On the contrary, they respected me more and understood me more.
I began to understand that rejection does not mean confrontation or hostility, it is just a way to express one's attitude and position.
Of course, rejection doesn't mean I'm confrontational or cut off from the outside world. Instead, I learned to seek balance and consensus in rejection.
I started to communicate with others, trying to understand their thoughts and needs;
At the same time, I also firmly expressed my thoughts and needs, hoping for their understanding and support.
I've found that in this kind of equal communication, we are both able to be more honest and authentic with each other and about ourselves.
Now, I still accept criticism and suggestions from the outside world, but I no longer blindly accept and compromise as I did in the past.
I learned to discern which criticisms are constructive and which are based on misunderstandings or biases;
I learned to keep my independent thinking and judgment while accepting criticism;
I learned to firmly refuse and express my thoughts and positions when needed.
I know that the road is still long and difficult; But I know that as long as I am brave enough to face myself, trust myself and stand up for my position and ideas;
As long as I learn to find balance and consensus in rejection; As long as I keep learning and growing;
I will be able to overcome my fears, mend our rifts, and move towards a better future.