Coordinates northeast of Henan. When I returned to my hometown and listened to the villagers, a three-married girl in the village had a bride price of up to 400,000 yuan. But the villagers said flatly"It's not an exaggeration, it's true. ”In the past, divorced women were dishonorable, not only did they have to keep a low profile, the marriage was simple, and the man was unwilling to give her more bride price. Now, the third-married woman has received the highest bride price ever.
1. Why can you get such a high bride price?
Could it be that there is a huge difference in the appearance of the two parties, the woman is young and beautiful, the man is ugly or has other defects, but the family is financially strong, so it is **?
But it's not. According to the villagers, the woman is not young, she is in her thirties, and the daughters born from the first marriage are all 17 years old. The reason why she married three times when she was only in her thirties was mainly because she married early, and she was only 17 years old when she got married for the first time. She is also not standard in appearance, with a height of 1About 5 meters, it doesn't look good, and it has a neck.
The man is the first to marry, and he is the brother of a male wife in the village, and the distance between the two villages is about 5 kilometers. The villagers saw that he was only about 30 years old, because there was not a single wrinkle on his face. The height has 1More than 7 meters, the appearance is okay, although the face is dark but not ugly, it looks normal. Financially, the villagers felt that his family had money and prepared a car and a house for him to get married. But it's not very rich, after all, the house is a building built in the village, and the bride price money is also saved by part-time jobs.
Since it's not a matter of appearance, why would a third marriage ask for such a high bride price? The villagers' answer was,Divorced ones are no different from first marriages, because men are hard to find. Now there are more marriageable boys and fewer girls in our rural areas. Originally, there were few girls, and some of them married out because they went out to work, study and work outside, and their parents couldn't control it at all. For example, Pingping in the village brought back a Jiangxi boyfriend because of a part-time job, who was very fat and at most 17 meters. So many men compete for so few girls, of course, to give a high dowry. And you may not be able to find a daughter-in-law by giving a high dowry, you are not so high, and others will not marry. Therefore, this third-married woman asked for a bride price of 400,000 yuan, and the man was willing to give it.
Even if the man is willing to pay, why would the woman ask for such a high mouth? Did you not like the man who didn't want to marry, but because his parents urged him to marry, he proposed **, anyway, if the other party doesn't agree, forget it? Is it that I have been married twice and know that money is more important in life, so compared with the figure person, it is better to draw money and transfer the money to myself first to get a sense of security and security in life? Or is there a suspicion of cheating the bride price money through marriage?
To these questions, the villagers' response was, first of all, that they would definitely urge marriage. Her father has been dead for many years, and there is a mother in the family, and her mother is not in good health, so she will definitely not be able to divorce and live in her mother's house.
Secondly, there is indeed a suspicion of money fraud. The bride price she asked for was the highest in the village. Another young girl in the village got married this year, and she asked for 360,000 yuan, plus 5 gold, which is already very high, and the general bride price is only 200,000 yuan, which is not as high as she wants.
First, her third marriage** was posted on Douyin, and her second mother-in-law scolded her on Douyin**, and she simply blocked the Douyin account of her second mother-in-law's family.
Second, she did not register. After registration, the bride price money is protected by law, and the money can be recovered in a lawsuit because the amount is too high. If you don't register the law, you won't be protected, but there are still many people in the village who don't register. One of the advantages of not registering is that you can withdraw from the marriage at will. But this is also a disadvantage, the two parties will separate immediately before they can get together, and the marriage and family are unstable. It's okay to have no children, but it's the saddest thing to have children. In addition to the children, the elderly are also sad, because the children are left to the care of their grandparents. She didn't register, and went to live with others for a while, so that the bride price and Mrs. Qian's family would not return. So her marriage is always unstable, and she can't live with others. "She can't get along with others like this, she thinks it's inappropriate, she doesn't want to live it, she is tired of it, this is cheating the bride price. ”
As early as 2017, the author learned that there were two local girls with graduate degrees who asked each other for a bride price of 200,000 yuan, and the man wanted to buy a house in the urban area and only signed the woman's name. When asked why there were so many bride prices, one of them said, "Am I not worth so much money?" What is even more shocking and surprising is that these two are ready to divorce at any time before marriage, and they have thought that once they divorce, the house and money are in their own hands, so that their life after marriage is guaranteed.
This kind of high bride price behavior has obviously turned men into *** and turned them into tools for seeking assets. At the same time, it also objectifies women and turns them into a means of earning money. In the eyes of young men, women suddenly get rich through the bride price, and the money is not earned by their own hard work, so they don't feel distressed when they spend money, they are lavish, and it is easy to fall into the trap of consumerism.
In addition, for a small number of high-income families, no matter how high the bride price is, it is not a problem. The problem is that for most ordinary peasant families, the bride price is accumulated through hard work, and does not mean that the family has a lasting earning capacity. Because you can't work for the rest of your life, a high bride price is bound to be a burden. In this case, can the high bride price be effectively managed?
2. Why is it difficult to effectively manage high bride price?
When asked about the management of high bride price, the villagers said that the official said that the bride price should not be reduced to more than 50,000 yuan, but "it can't be reduced at all, others have paid 400,000 yuan, and the minimum 100,000 yuan is less, and each one has to give hundreds of thousands of yuan." In the future, 400,000 yuan and hardware will become a new reference.
The villagers believe that there are two main reasons why the bride price cannot be reduced: one is that the part-time job is rich, and the money is saved to do big things every year. The second is that the man is willing to pay. This does not mean that the man's family is very rich, "They are all ordinary people, how rich can they be?" It's just that in order to complete the marriage event, I am willing to spend all my financial resources. From this,There is an internal conspiracy between the demand and payment of the bride price, and it is difficult for the government to intervene externally.
What exactly is the issue of bride price? To analyze this problem, we must first look at who the bride price will eventually give and who has the motivation to push up the bride price. The bride price of 400,000 yuan in this village, when the villagers heard that she was married, the master of ceremonies shouted "take away 200,000 yuan". It is recognized locally that the money taken away is taken by the woman herself. The other 200,000 yuan, part of which was converted into her dowry, because her family conditions were not good, her father died early, and her mother was farming at home, so she could not afford to buy her a dowry. However, the villagers said that they did not see any dowry display, and the money was still given to the woman by default.
In essence, another important reason for the high bride price is that in the era of high social and economic marketization, the depreciation of money is extremely fast. As the villagers put it, "I feel like money is worthless." A bride price of 100,000 yuan is the same as very little. Now you have to buy everything with money, and the money is very unspent, for example, if you take one or two hundred yuan to the town, you can't buy anything at all, and it's gone. ”
You need an economic foundation to get by. Even if it is a life of two people, the money in the hands is still different: "Whoever has the money in his hands can spend it freely, and he can't eat and drink without money." Even if you live in a family, the money is not in your hands, you have to open your mouth to ask others for it. "Therefore,Women are more motivated to ask for a high bride price as a source of freedom and security in their future lives.
However, although the villagers think that the bride price cannot be reduced, they do not have too much praise for the high bride price, but think".No matter how high the bride price is, it is not as good as his ability to earn moneyIf you find a bride price, you still live in the countryside. If you don't have the ability to make money, you will be moved down. Just counting on that little bride price money, it will be gone after it is spent, and it will be exhausting to go out to work. In this sense, when men's financial means can be expected, high bride prices may no longer be an issue that needs to be addressed.